Grex Poetry Conference

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Grex Poetry Item 98: "Diseased like us" toking
Entered by toking on Fri Jun 11 16:47:41 UTC 1999:

In the beginning,
God said "Let there be..."
and that's went it all went wrong
He could have said
"let there be peace"
or
"let there be love"
or maybe
"let there be understanding,
no matter how limited
no matter how frail
let there be true understanding"
but no
God said "light"
His expectations were much too high
Except we're all modeled after him
Right?
does that mean God is broke?
does that mean God is deseased
like us
his perfect little children

11 responses total.

#1 of 11 by toking on Fri Jun 11 16:48:23 1999:

broke should be broken

#2 of 11 by toking on Fri Jun 11 16:48:49 1999:

deseased should be diseased

(I"m full of typos today...)

#3 of 11 by orinoco on Fri Jun 11 22:27:45 1999:

And you're just gonna _end_ there?!  Oy... I think this needs to be a good
bit longer, or at least resolve a good bit more firmly - right now it feels
like a strong beginning with no ending attatched.

#4 of 11 by flem on Sun Jun 13 06:24:54 1999:

I'm with orinoco there.  This is a very interesting idea, what it might 
have been like if God had said "let there be understanding" et al., and 
I would like to see it expounded on a little more.  Wax eloquent about 
what life might have been like with love or understanding as the quantum 
of the universe instead of light, if emotion or wisdom ruled instead of 
cold facts.  I think that the idea of God as mistaken, even diseased or 
delusional, makes a good conclusion, but it needs to be stronger and 
probably lengthier.  OTOH, I suspect, if I were to try to work with the 
ideas you suggest, that I might come to a different place and need a 
different conclusion.  You may find that you do also.  

Also, I don't like the line that's just "or".  I think the rhythm and 
the grammar both work better without that line.

#5 of 11 by jshafer on Sun Jun 13 08:56:38 1999:

Oooh.  Great beginning.  Excuse me, I'm gonna go read that again...

#6 of 11 by lumen on Tue Jun 15 07:02:34 1999:

Great poetry, and yes, it could use some elaboration..not sure I agree with
the content..I always think that mere mortals writing about God is like
preschoolers discussing the philosophies of their parents-- they don't go into
much detail, if they do, and deeply understanding it is much to difficult at
their age.

I believe we are gods in embryo, raised to become such by a Supreme Creator--
analagous to babies eventually learning to become parents by their own folks..

but I digress..

#7 of 11 by toking on Tue Jun 15 17:37:09 1999:

If we are being raised to become gods then I fear for everything that we
may create

(The title bugs the crap out of me, I'm gona have to rename it at some
point)

(The piece formerly know as)
"Diseased like us"  v.2

In the beginning,                        
God said "Let there be..."                
that's went it all went                   
wrong                                     

Why didn't He say                         
"Let there be peace"                      
all of our weapons                        
would go uncreated                        
and our too short lives                   
would go undisputed                       
Why didn't He say                         
"Let there be love"                       
all of our children                       
could ripen without                       
bitterness or hate                        
galvanized trash cans                    
could avoid the taint                    
of cast away infants                                           
Why didn't He say                        
"Let there be truth,                     
No matter how small                       
No matter how frail                       
Let there be one truth"                   
hope could be more fact                   
than forgotten dream                      
Damn Gods slip of tongue!                  
God insisted "light"                     
We opened our eyes                        
His expectations                          
were much too high                        
He lent us beauty                         
we took it inside                         
wrapped it about us                       
claimed it for our own                    
stole what was not ours                   
and destroyed what was                    
what we could have learned               
was broken with glee                      
everything we touched                    
we filled with cancer                     
and we're all modeled                     
in his pristine shape                     
so is god broken?                         
so is god diseased?                       
just like his children
tainted to the core

#8 of 11 by flem on Tue Jun 15 22:44:15 1999:

I, for one, like that much better.  :)

#9 of 11 by lumen on Wed Jun 16 08:05:45 1999:

no need to fear to create.  We already have the potential to do so, when we
become parents.  That is one of the beliefs of my faith, that God loves being
a parent-- we address him as "Father" so much (some say "Mother," but I tend
to think of a "Mother" there, too)

#10 of 11 by toking on Wed Jun 16 16:22:33 1999:

in resp:4 flem stated "I suspect, if I were to try to work with the 
ideas you suggest, that I might come to a different place and need a 
different conclusion."

give it a whirl, I'd like to see what comes of it :)

#11 of 11 by flem on Wed Jun 23 22:09:05 1999:

I may do that.  :)

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