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Swimming Scales? I have none. And fins have found better mistresses elsewhere. I Dive, and slip soundlessly into these still, cool waters, moved only by the reflection of a storm-darkened sky. Curtains of rainfall shush across the surface echoing through my aqualine skin. Not eel, nor carp; not dolphin, nor whale. Just one white water lily woman. Just one tear slipping down the face of the world dissappearing into fathomless blue.
13 responses total.
eh, on second thought: I think I'll change that onme part to Neither eel, nor carp; not dolphin or whale. makes mor grammatical sense.... I hate making changes after I've posted...<grumble>
I like "not eel, nor carp" better - it's a steadier rhythm. "nor eel, nor carp" is more grammatical (if a bit archaic in style) and keeps the rhythm intact.
is it?...hm. thanks. <bows with a wry grin to the Grammar Bitch> this';s one of those pieces written totally for the music of the words, and I'nm sure just about everyone zipped right through it because it's so short... needs to be read aloud. <shrug>
The short ones are the best, in my opinion.
yeah, sometimes they're little still frames we capture out of the moviestream of life. (:
A nit from the amateur etymologist: IIRC, "aquiline" is hawk-like, and has nothing to do with water. Lovely imagery. I can imagine the scene. What inspired this?
d'oh. thank you for telling me that; now I feel obligated to change the word... when one occurs to me that fits, I'll fix that. <sheepish grin> what inspired it?...<shrug> it's just one of the voices inside me speaking. it wanted to be heard so I let it out.
uhm, how about "aquatic" to replace "aqualine"? No, that doesn't make any logical sence... I think you should just make up a word, say, "aquastacic", or is that getting a little frivilous? Well, it's a really nice poem, so let us know if you come up with somethi
Swimming Scales? I have none. And fins have found better mistresses elsewhere. I dive, and slip soundlessly into these still, cool waters, moving through the reflection of a storm-darkened sky. Curtains of rainfall shush across the surface; the sound shudders through the meniscus of my skin. Not eel, nor carp; not dolphin, nor whale. Just one white water lily woman. Just one tear slipping down the face of the world, dissappearing into fathomless blue.
(Josh! You still exist! Cool...) Re#9: I _really_ like this.
It loses a lot of its verbal bonuses in this format. But thanks.
Hm. I stumbled on this while I was looking for something else, and I'm suddenly reminded of the circumstances in which this poem emerged (and now wish to more adequately address russ's question about why I wrote it). I wrote this poem a few weeks after Mike died. I was living with Greg and his mom and Ann Arbor, and one day, while everyone was away, I sat down at the computer and just... started to write. I was on grex at the time, so I just popped into pico. I had *just finished* writing it when suddenly grex dissappeared; something had happened to take grex offline (I can't remember what it was), and the entire piece, whole and finished in one sitting, was gone. I was so upset I burst into tears right there, got thoroughly and irrationally vocal at it and attempted to salvage what I could remember.
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