No Next Item No Next Conference Can't Favor Can't Forget Item List Conference Home Entrance    Help
View Responses


Grex Poetry Item 79: our last talk - HeMan
Entered by heman on Sun Apr 25 06:13:09 UTC 1999:

our last talk
-------------

its dark out here
i can hardly see you
your touch is cold
voice is dull

it was not like that
when we first met
love-at-first-sight
(we called it once)
(you remember?)

we spent time togather
and our dislike grew
we have fought many a times
(unexpectedly!)
why?

why? why? why?
it makes no sense!

i love you
you said you loved me
(you didn't?)
sex is good
life is fun
(you think?)
then what! why?

(is there someone?)
please talk
(who?) why?

was it because i forgot to call?
(nah! you said it was okay)
did i forget to mention enough
how beautiful you are?
is it because i broke that glass?
(i never meant to honey)

tell me
we can work it out

i will never watch football
(not even the playoffs)

and we can move the bed
(promise)
(what else did i forget?)

i will water the flowers
(what else?)

and you would not see me
wearing that blue shirt again
(what else?)

i would come home early
(i sure will try)
everyday!

no.. don't cry no
please

where are you going
wait
wait darling don't leave me!
wait!
wait!!

<slam>

5 responses total.



#1 of 5 by arianna on Mon Apr 26 00:55:14 1999:

I like it.


#2 of 5 by toking on Mon Apr 26 09:13:28 1999:

unles I'm mistaken, long time no post...good return :)

The layout is wonderful...kinda brings the frustration and desperation
home


#3 of 5 by bookworm on Tue Apr 27 22:30:29 1999:

Nice comeback, HeMan.


#4 of 5 by heman on Wed Apr 28 05:03:22 1999:

thanks for your appreciation. i was away for a while, but that doesn't mean
its a comeback of any sorts... this is more or less my normal turnaround time
;)


#5 of 5 by lumen on Wed Jun 2 02:23:28 1999:

This would work very, very well as a monologue in a theatrical setting.  
Your reminsicing seems recent, urgent, and fresh enough that a dramatic 
interpretation on a stage would be appropriate.

I like the twist at the end that feels like a flashback-- using the 
present tense in the voicing.

Will you get this put into a set of one-act plays and tell me how it 
worked?

Response not possible - You must register and login before posting.

No Next Item No Next Conference Can't Favor Can't Forget Item List Conference Home Entrance    Help

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss