I stand on a platform
   So I'm very tall
I smile at customers
   who often smell of water damage
I take their money
   which is as dirty as they are


I smile and say thank you
   it's in my contract
and they frown
   thinking of their job
and take the plunger and go.

As they go
I wish them a nice day.

        --Cricket, 3/29/99, 11:10 PM

7 responses total.

one comment:  I'd change the line "take their plunger and go" to "take their
plunger and leave" -- the repatition of "go" is redundant to my ears.

How about I change the second to last line to "As they exit"?  I like the way
"go" sounds in the line before.  I must have been sleeping when I put it down
twice

"as they exit" is a little too formal, methinks...
another thing: there's a lot of "ands" in the staza before the last one.
<is nit picking>

No.. I like 'go' being repeated-- gives the poem a sense of steady 
rhythm.  Poets do not have to be scholarly writers-- when repetition 
works, it works.

Or it doesn't.  I'll sit on the disition for a bit.

OK, on the advise of my writing teacher, I'm just going to cut that line "as
they go".  It's not really nessessary, as we've already said that they're
going.  Oh, and the line after will remain on it's own, so I have a one line
ending.

I like it.  I think you should leave it as is.

It sound much like somebody describing his job to somebody else.

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