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this mournful heart suddenly aches to beat as it once did. weaving in and out of reality-- how much can one endure until it all spills over... until it hurts so much, breathing is no longer an option... my rotting insides now taint all i once cherished, i've lost all so precious; so intense, so real.... i greive the ruin of all that could have been; falling to my knees begging the gods to end this suffering. the frozen earth beneath my cheek, eating away my melancholy-sickness-- taking in my body to be cleansed of my anguish. but my hope has decayed along with my will to go on, the frail, porcelain angel has now fallen from her perch-- left in peices on the floor. set me free from this flesh-container... let me be as i once was.
13 responses total.
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i really just don't know anymore...
Poetry is good therapy, and it is possible to pick up the shattered remains of yourself. Just give yourself time, and be patient.
O.K., you already know that I like this...and most times I feel comfortable doing what I"m about to do, but most times I don't actually know the people I do it to, so you aren't allowed to get all uppity on me....any way... I do enjoy this, but it seems like the lines could be arranged a little differently...knida like this: this mournful heart suddenly aches to beat as it once did. weaving in and out of reality-- how much can one endure until it all spills over... until it hurts so much, breathing is no longer an option... my rotting insides now taint all i once cherished, i've lost all so precious; so intense, so real.... i greive the ruin of all that could have been; falling to my knees begging the gods to end this suffering. the frozen earth beneath my cheek, eating away my melancholy-sickness-- taking in my body be cleansed of my anguish. but my hope has decayed along with my will to go on, the frail, porcelain angel has now fallen from her perch-- left in peices on the floor. set me free from this flesh-container... let me be as i once was. but it's just a suggestion....
.... once again, Bravo, zoe frost :)
welcome to my hell...
Lay off, Joe. :) I like it like it is. I always get pissed when people rearrange my work. Then, I feel like I should write "by Julie Pratt with assistance from X Kibitzer (or whatever ther person's name is)." It just doesn't feel so much like my work anymore. I don't know if zoe asked you to rearrange the peom or not and I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just speaking my mind.
O.K. uhmmm....you know...I'm probably gonna look like a prick here..but... No..I will not "lay off" zoe knows I love the shit out of her work...and this is no exception, if I happen to want to suggest something I think I should, if zoe agrees with it, great, if not, even better. If I go through here and read something and an idea hits me about something someone's posted then I'm sure as shit going to mention it, wether it's something zoe writes, something you write, or something jesus christ writes. I'm not telling her to change anything, I'm simply saying that it seems as though it could be rearranged slightly.
<nods to Joe...this is a forum for getting suggestions, not just compliments. you can always ignore suggestions, too, if you want>
Sorry. Guess I'm being something of a butt. I've been sick for two weeks, but they won't let me off work or school so that I can get well, so I'm just a little cranky. Sorry, I took it out on you Joe. No hard feelings?
never dear lady :)
<blush> Thanks <cough, hack, wheeze> I'm next to post something.
wow. i lvoed it. reminds me ofthe thing that tears at me sometimes. don't let it tear you too smal because it is the thing which lets you be big even as it makes you small... oh boy i am not making sens. anyway i love it and empathize
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