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Whats goin on? I am new here still gettin used to the prompt and such. Here is my first entry. Society A man walks beneath a tree. A slight shivering makes the leaves swish like the ocean on a calm day. The man sits and thinks about his life. What has he done? What has he accomplished? He has no wife or kids. He has an unstable job that pays minimum wage. It were better off him dead. He thinks of himself as a hopeless shell. A mask that he is glued to. He can not escape the feeling that he will never be anything more than he is now. He cannot be anything more. He walks home that night goes to his kitchen table, A knife shoved in his back. He dies that night, not knowing he was loved.
3 responses total.
It seems to be much more prose than verse to me. Was that your intention?
wait, he shoved a knife into his own back? How? That sounds difficult and clumsy. not that I really care why he stabbed himself in the back or in the chest or slit his wrists or whatever, it's just that, as a reader, I found that it distracted me from the poem at a crucial moment, and turned my attention away from "why" and towards "how", which I don't think was your intent.
I read it as metaphorical, but then he died right after. You're
right, there's a discontinuity there.
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