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Grex Poetry Item 331: Society
Entered by falling on Sat Jun 28 01:43:05 UTC 2003:

Whats goin on? I am new here still gettin used to the prompt and such. Here
is my first entry.

Society
  A man walks beneath a tree. A slight shivering makes the leaves swish like
the ocean on a calm day. The man sits and thinks about his life. What has he
done? What has he accomplished? He has no wife or kids. He has an unstable
job that pays minimum wage. It were better off him dead. He thinks of himself
as a hopeless shell. A mask that he is glued to. He can not escape the feeling
that he will never be anything more than he is now. He cannot be anything
more. He walks home that night goes to his kitchen table, A knife shoved in
his back. He dies that night, not knowing he was loved.

3 responses total.



#1 of 3 by jaklumen on Sun Jun 29 07:17:19 2003:

It seems to be much more prose than verse to me.  Was that your 
intention?


#2 of 3 by flem on Mon Jun 30 17:49:56 2003:

wait, he shoved a knife into his own back?  How?  That sounds difficult and
clumsy.

not that I really care why he stabbed himself in the back or in the chest
or slit his wrists or whatever, it's just that, as a reader, I found that it
distracted me from the poem at a crucial moment, and turned my attention away
from "why" and towards "how", which I don't think was your intent.  


#3 of 3 by jazz on Mon Jun 30 20:23:57 2003:

        I read it as metaphorical, but then he died right after.  You're
right, there's a discontinuity there.

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