Grex Poetry Conference

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Grex Poetry Item 319: still crazy come morning <rcl>
Entered by rlawson on Sat Aug 17 16:48:53 UTC 2002:

Tonight

let the crickets do all the work
They can make
sufficient noise for us both
Give into these chirping things
enough to cease your voices
echoing in-between my ears,
like

     I am sailing on a dark,
     terrible sea and you are
     the absence of the foghorn
     leaving me bumping into and
     out of things all over this harbor

     For I fear I may run aground,
     rest now, for there are people
     back on land that care for me.

Rest! as I, too, am weary
So let the crickets do the work
I wille sleep now a while
and in the morning,
I beg you,

leave the chirping to the birds!

4 responses total.

#1 of 4 by jaklumen on Mon Aug 19 05:42:00 2002:

Different.  Quirky, a bit weird.. but I like.  As far as I can tell-- 
it flows nicely and the thought is complete.

#2 of 4 by rlawson on Mon Aug 26 03:27:14 2002:

Rewrite (thanks, Erinn)
-----------------------

Tonight
let the crickets do all the work

They can make
sufficient noise for us both
Give into these chirping things
enough to cease two voices
echoing in between my ears

Like sailing seas dark and
terrible, you are
the absence of the foghorn
leaving me bumping into and
out of things all over this harbor--
before you run me aground,

Rest! as I, too, am weary
Let the crickets do the work
I will sleep now a while
and in the morning,
I beg you,

leave the chirping to the birds

#3 of 4 by rlawson on Mon Aug 26 03:28:34 2002:

Not much of a change, just enough to clean it up a bit methinks.

#4 of 4 by jaklumen on Tue Aug 27 10:57:12 2002:

I liked the earlier version.. kinda had an old style to it, 
Romantic/Enlightenment era like with the exclamation marks.

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