Grex Poetry Conference

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Grex Poetry Item 289: Two numeric poems (haiku-ish)
Entered by remmers on Mon Jan 21 13:17:44 UTC 2002:

                            (1)

                The snow blankets the landscape
                To the limits of my vision.
                I cannot count it!

                            (2)

                Chairs in perfect symmetry
                Around the square table.
                Not four things.  One.

4 responses total.

#1 of 4 by flem on Mon Jan 21 18:58:09 2002:

Well done on #2, remmers.  :)  Good, clear evocative image with just the right
kind of visual immediacy for haiku.  The last line is a little unsubtle for
haiku; if I were doing it, I might throw in a seasonal reference there. 
Perhaps "All covered in snow." might be a better final line?  It changes the
image, but I think it remains strong.  

Anyway, good to see some life in this conf.  :)

#2 of 4 by remmers on Mon Jan 21 19:07:15 2002:

The chairs are covered in snow?

#3 of 4 by flem on Mon Jan 21 20:07:24 2002:

I dunno, they could be.  :)  The idea was 1) put in a seasonal reference,
because that's traditional for haiku, and 2) make more subtle the point that
the chairs and the table form part of a unified whole, by depicting them as
all being covered in snow together.  
   OTOH, now that I look at it again, "all covered in snow" is a really dumb
phrase.  :)

#4 of 4 by morwen on Wed Feb 6 04:56:13 2002:

not really.  Think about a snowy table cloth.  That would make it a 
highly poetic phrase.

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