I used to climb inside myself
take a ride along the neural subways
and admire the expression 
on every ceiling, floor, and wall
that exploded in plethoras of tones and shades
crystallizing, melting, blowing about
in fantastic imagery that recounted
so many stories of long ago.

I would run my fingers and hands
over the rich color.
Swim in it.
Breathe it.
Drink it.
Be lost for a while.
Touch it and move it to my command.

Now, I see the tunnels
stripped
and dirty, muddy, chaotic
graffiti is about.
They are scorched and burning
and smell of so much frying cerebral tissue.
I'd hop on the connecting 'A' train
to see you vendors that sold near the gate
But you oft sold cotton candy
whipped of so much witty, clever reparte
It seemed so alien
and it rarely fed me, nor could it restore
the pathways of my journeys.

It tasted so much like
"You'll never make something this good
and why even try
Notice how it makes you hungrier
but more tired when you eat."
I used to bring in my feedback
of what I thought,
but it never seemed to make it taste different
or to satiate myself.

I suppose I must depart for a while
and take the Transcendental Express.
It's been lovely, and I shall return
But take that cotton candy poetry
and cram it up your ass. 

16 responses total.

<raises an eyebrow>

Was it something we said?

(seriously, though).  This _is_ an effective poem, as evidenced by the
fact that it made at least one of its targets twitch a little.  I'm
guessing a critique would be sort of in bad taste, though.  But, it is
nice to have your voice in the conversation here (during the little
bubbles of conversation we have these days, anyway). 

Cotton candy shoved up my ass would be time consuming and make my briefs
sticky.

It would make a normally acrid place smell nice, though.

resp:1  This was borne out of intimidation, as well.. it seemed like 
some were emphasizing wordsmithing so much that I just felt I couldn't 
compete.

brighn drives a lot of that, hard, and I'm being brutually honest 
here.  No offense to anyone personally, but I felt crushed under the 
expectation that I was having to perform to elitist tastes, and so I 
failed to be more prolific lest I risk churning out some fluffy drovel 
that no one cared for.

Ironically, "cotton candy" poetry is what I *do* favor, and so I was 
being rather oxymoronic for a bitter satirical twist.  I have disagreed 
with a number of bbs'ers here (not just in the poetry cf) in that 
fluff, candy, and bubblegum is necessarily a bad thing.

You can see I'm terribly cathartic; release of emotion always seems to 
drive my poems.  I usually cannot write poetry of high wit, 
objectivism, or clever construction.  Dan will recall my imagery of 
burnout and menustration in another poem.  Very disgusting, but it 
worked.

anyway.. heh, heh, I'm back!

You'll never compete with remmers for pure fluff, and (despite appearances)
I have nothing but respect for him.

I also know where you're coming from, though. I've been fighting writer's
block where my pen will not move lest it produce every word a shining specimen
of what all know to be my literary genius. If you think it's hard to live up
to my standards, imagine being me and having to live up to my standards.

As for catharsis, see my new entry. Hopefully, I'm back too.

And I still want someone to write a poem with "eccliastic Jeffersonian" in
it, dammit!

I'm going to tackle your ecclesiastic Jeffersonian.  The concept intrigues
me.  Just give me a bit.

Yeah, "ecclesiastic Jeffersonian" has been bugging me for a
day now.  I tried to tackle it, but nothing came of it.  Poet's
block, I guess.

I've always thought of the drift in this cf as an idle hum between the
revving of poetry.  For a few months, there, it was more like, the engine
stalled out, so I'm glad to hear the humming again. (: 

Hm.

I guess I make a lot of responses about wordsmithing because it's the only
sort of response I feel like I can _make_ in this conference -- a lot of the
poems we get are on personal enough subject matter that critiquing the
subjects of poems would make me cringe.  And I got tired of posting "mm.
nice." in every item, so I try to find _something_ to say if I'm gonna
respond.

One thing cloud used to do, when he showed up in this conference from time
to time, was say "okay, here's what I think this means -- is that what you
think it means?"  That was sort of nice, and now that I think of it, it's the
sort of criticism that I'd find very useful, 'cause I often find myself
meaning something I didn't intend to.

I dunno.  What sort of criticism would you like to see?

yeah, he did that to one of my poems back there somewhere -- it was
interesting, because it helped me understand how he as the reader saw my
poem's topical orientation, it helped me see how I brought my messages and
images across.

when someone write something in the vein of personal tragedy (I can recall
a poem or two about physical abuse, for example), it *is* difficult to make
comment.  One doesn't want to "hurt" the poet with words, seeing as how that
poem is evidence of present hurt.  FYI, when reading any of my poetry, and
I mean ANY of it, if anyone in the cf has something they'd like to remark on,
whether it be about the poem's assembly, topic matter, whatever -- remark as
yuou will, in as constructive/informative a manner as you can manage.

resp:6 Remmers also writes in a lot of rhyme and meter, which I have 
come to disdain somewhat because of a lot of bad poets who think poetry 
must rhyme, and have a strict meter.  He somehow pulls it off, however, 
and so I am pleasantly surprised instead at what *can* be accomplished 
with those tools.

I had a moderately lengthy rant half-written in response to #12, but I got
disconnected and lost it.  Suffice it to say that there are just as many bad
poets who write free verse as who write rhyme and meter.  

But there are fewer good living poets who use the old forms.  (Not surprising
-- there are also fewer good living musicians who could write a fugue to save
their life, and there are plenty of _fantastic_ musicians these days.)

#12, #13:
I posted this a long time ago, but it deserves to be reincarnated:

Miss Leann Rimes
You sure should meet her
For Leann rhymes
And uses meter

<throws rotten fruit while applauding wildly>

("yeah, it got sort of a mixed reception...")

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