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So I dream the dream Of holding hands and kissing lips Of long nights spent Caressing broken bodies Discussing broken hearts Dreaming broken dreams And in this dream I can still feel your hand in mine And the the taste of your name Is fresh upon my lips And this is paradise But your touch grows ghostly And your taste a memory With rage I succumb to my awakening Knowing that today Today is just another day Without you
3 responses total.
It doesn't suck, it's just a little more ordinary than most of what you write. (And it's good to see you back writing again...) But this is a good starting point for something. Play Around With It And See What Happens (tm)
no offense to your usual style, but this caught my eye because it didn't ramble so much. Dan is right-- I'm sure you might think of a few twists and turns to put in later. This poem is just fine, and with work it will be even better. Don't down yourself, man-- we all have some lag time in our creativity.
I think its good.. :) Very simple and explanatory, but poems aren't always good being mystifying!
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