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Grex Poetry Item 22: a haunting past.... [linked]
Entered by zoe on Fri Feb 5 00:34:22 UTC 1999:

"now take this.." 
pushed to the ground,
crushed by 190 pounds of sheer anger...
held down--
helpless and small...
"now you'll get what you want,"
"i know exactly what you want.."
screaming gives me bruises,
crying gets me a broken nose...
never ending--
thrusts,
painful motions,
being driven into the dirt...
"this is what you like, isn't it?"
"you think you're so perfect, well i don't see it.."
whimpering under my breath..
is this what i'm here for...
please let this end,
please let it go away...
i slash his face
"YOU MONSTER!!"
a blade to my throat..
heavy breathing--
i have stirred the demons within him a little too much..
"you fucking whore.."
"you fucking bitch!!!"
thrown head-first into a cold brick wall,
unconcious and left for dead...
take away this horror--
let me live as i once did...
make his aweful face disappear from my nightmares...
let me be whole again.

27 responses total.



#1 of 27 by zoe on Fri Feb 5 00:40:24 1999:

i thought i'd feel better after i posted this... i've had this in my 
head for too long, its about time i let go and try to go back to life.. 
i don't know... it's not very poetic, but its been eating away at my 
soul, one of the many monsters inside me that i needed to expose.. and 
joe, i told you it wasn't pleasant so don't be all weird with me.


#2 of 27 by bookworm on Fri Feb 5 04:48:58 1999:

Good heavens, Zoe.  This poem is very emotional.  Obviously, you and Joe 
are poets of the same school.  Did posting this help you feel better?


#3 of 27 by toking on Fri Feb 5 10:44:01 1999:

....
define wierd

I think mayhap we should discuss this, elsewhere, but we should discuss
this.


#4 of 27 by lumen on Fri Feb 5 23:42:58 1999:

Saints have mercy.  I hope this isn't real-life inspired?

you may reply privately by e-mail, if you wish..my direct address is in 
my .plan file.

Good heavens, this is creepy.  Zoe, I hope you do know that we care 
here, and we are supportive if you are writing about real life events. 
(Poetry can be very theraputic.)


#5 of 27 by cloud on Sat Feb 6 01:06:07 1999:

On the other hand, if everyone is falling into the trap of Biographical
>Fallicy, than you have my permission, as mr. Mannors, to tell 'em to shove
>off.  Actually, you have my permission to anyway.
>
>Guys, can you please focus on the poem alone and try not to read into the
>author's life from it?  It can be rather damaging, in my oh so humble
>opinion.  See, I'll sometimes post something that is _partially_ based on
real
>life, partially not.  If someone starts speculating that the peice in
question
>is really about me, I tend to be embarressed into not entering new items.

And yes, I have read the poem.  Generally speaking I, too, find it very
disconcerting, owing to the strong language, intense pace, and taboo- nay,
shocking,- subject matter.  I can't honestly say I like it, but I get the
feeling that this isn't a piece to be liked, if you see my point.


#6 of 27 by zoe on Sun Feb 7 04:20:07 1999:

life is pain... 


#7 of 27 by logansan on Sun Feb 7 21:58:00 1999:

        My fellow poet/artist .... I offer you what ever little comfort I
might. my best wishes and toughts. There is more to life than pain. Your words
have done so much for me, even this peice of raw force, blunt trama .... it's
taken me close to two days to get back here to make a 'r'.
        You are one of the best, zoe frost, I salute you.
                                signed; John


#8 of 27 by cloud on Mon Feb 8 00:02:31 1999:

re:6

"Anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something," eh?


#9 of 27 by bookworm on Mon Feb 8 00:36:28 1999:

Amen. <removes her hat>  A moment of silence in memory of the loss of 
our innocence, please.


#10 of 27 by zoe on Mon Feb 8 15:14:56 1999:

i hope you all realize that i'm afraid to post stuff now, since you 
have high expectations....


#11 of 27 by brighn on Mon Feb 8 15:54:48 1999:

Pain is pain.
Life is life.
Life has pain.
Pain has life.
Life is not pain.
Pain is not life.

And when my innocence died, I lit a bonfire and had a party.
Innocence ain't anything like what it's cracked up to be.


#12 of 27 by zoe on Mon Feb 8 16:05:01 1999:

it matters who's life you're living i supose...


#13 of 27 by allida on Mon Feb 8 19:30:46 1999:

no it only matters how one perceives one's life as to whether it is indeed
pain instead of just having pain in it.  


#14 of 27 by bookworm on Mon Feb 8 19:36:14 1999:

Don't let the criticism of the masses stop you from posting, Zoe.  Take 
it as constructive or, if you don't like it, ignore it.  

On the other hand, you don't have to post if you don't want to.  
However, we'll be less for it because we won't have your brilliant 
poetry to read anymore.

Is that as clear as mud?


#15 of 27 by lumen on Mon Feb 8 22:31:08 1999:

re: resp:5  Please do not take what I said the wrong way; when I read a 
very disturbing poem, I tend to take it very seriously unless the author 
says that he/she is detached from the poem in some way.

Joe posted a story once where the main character killed a hitchhiker in 
cold blood.  He explained he had absolutely no experience in killing.

I frequently use poetry to express my fears, frustrations, and various 
moods, mixed as they sometimes can be from time to time.  I've also been 
in therapy for a long time, long enough that I take notice when someone 
posts something melancholy.

Zoe, please don't think I criticized you-- from the most bitter trials 
and hardship come the sweetest fruits.  Sometimes, rose bushes won't 
grow well unless you dig the whole sucker up, turn it 180 degrees, and 
replant it.  Please do not think that we expect differently from you.  
We have been very impressed, and no one would think less of you if you 
didn't always write your best poetry.


#16 of 27 by zoe on Tue Feb 9 00:03:19 1999:

i didn't take anything personally.. fear not, for i'd rather spend all 
day on the poetry confrence <<like i did today>> than anything else.. 
citisim or not..
this was just a painful thought that i've been holding since childhood 
that i needed to share.. it wasn't to be liked... it was like life; 
cold, harsh facts dished out for the sake of itself. 



#17 of 27 by toking on Tue Feb 9 17:12:18 1999:

"it was like life; 
 cold, harsh facts dished out for the sake of itself. "

If I ever write a book, I'm stealing this line and using it as the firs
and last in the book.


#18 of 27 by zoe on Tue Feb 9 19:45:18 1999:

i'm honored you see so much in my words..


#19 of 27 by bookworm on Wed Feb 10 05:46:43 1999:

we *All* see a lot in your words.


#20 of 27 by brighn on Wed Feb 10 15:52:48 1999:

don't speak for all of us, Julie


#21 of 27 by lumen on Thu Feb 11 06:31:15 1999:

why-- you don't agree, Paul?

I can see why Joe wants to steal that line-- it's very eloquent.


#22 of 27 by brighn on Thu Feb 11 22:38:37 1999:

I don't like being spoken for, Jon.
Beyond that, I'm not going to comment.


#23 of 27 by lumen on Fri Feb 12 19:43:30 1999:

s'ok, Paul, I understand-- I was just curious.  As for Julie, she likes 
to sound as supportive as she can.


#24 of 27 by toking on Wed Feb 17 18:37:22 1999:

(linked to the new poetry conf)


#25 of 27 by bookworm on Mon Feb 22 07:28:47 1999:

okay, okay.  

I apologize, Paul.

It wasn't my intention to be offensive.

Still, *don't* you find meaning in her words?


#26 of 27 by brighn on Mon Feb 22 17:37:08 1999:

I don't think it's fair to ask qa question that I've already strongly implied
I don't wish to answer publicly.


#27 of 27 by bookworm on Mon Feb 22 21:57:52 1999:

okay.  
Sorry for pushing.

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