Her hair is long and silky, 
with her face done up like a china doll.
She has long slender legs, 
and perfect curves.
She walks by confidently,
her perfume invading my senses,
and looks at me with pity and disgust.
And here I stand,
covered head to toe in cloth.
Her eyes meet mine, and I smile politely,
and she only looks away.
Perhaps she is to good to smile at me.
I begin to walk up the sidewalk,
behing her at some distance.
I watch as men gaze at her,
they jest and smirl with one and another.
One calls"hey baby, where you going so fast"
The beauty only glares in their direction.
Some other guys cut in front of me walking,
and I can hear them saying,
"man..she has a nice ass.."
As they continue to talk about girls from the bar last night...
I only shake my head in shame.
I walk past the same men, and not a word is uttered.
For there is nothing for them to say.
This body is mine, and I protect it.
I cover it from their view,
and I am happy to not be the next man's desire.
I pity this girl, as beautiful as she is.
SOmeone has convinced here ther is a need to showit all off.
To buy fancy clothes, and sweet perfume,
so men will fancy her.
Beauty is in the eys of the beholder,
and whoever said this,
still remains true.

19 responses total.

ok..this isn't exactly poetic form....but I haven't written in aw hile...
just some thoughts I have...

I still can't quite say I understand the reasoning behind your change in
lifestyle, Meg. Oh well.

eh?...

re #0, I empathize; I've always felt that way.

The idea in this has promise.  

huh? what's eh arianna? :)

an exclaimation of a non-commental nature.

hmm..meaning you've no comments to make! gotcha! (I think ) *eep*

oh -- sorry, I didn't even look to see how I used "eh" in context -- in taht
case it was a "huh?" becaus eI didn't understand Craig's comment.

resp:3  I'm not sure what you mean, Erin.. if you mean you 
empathize with the sentiments in the poem, well.. forgive me for 
being so frank, but I wonder why you would think that.

Why?

1) saw your picture and thought, "gee, she is really lovely and I 
know she's probably breaking hearts whether she knows it or not"

2) met you in person and thought, "wow, she seems to be 
beautiful inside as well.. so sweet and she really will bring 
happiness to the right man"

3) had to smack myself and remember that I was married, but still 
was in awe of someone I thought had so much potential

so now

4) I wonder why Erin would empathize.. surely there are guys that 
think really well of her

and 

5) for that matter, although I haven't met Megan, I'll bet she's a real 
sweetheart and a wonderful person, so why should either of these 
two have to feel that way?

and

6) there is probably some symbolism I'm missing.

btw, Erin-- miss you and your friendly hugs-- not many of my 
friends are touchy-feely types and I guess I'm touch deprived.  
Yeah, I love my wife-- I get all the hugs I want there, but I wish more 
of my friends weren't afraid to touch me to show me they care..

sorry I rambled off topic.. been reading a book on body language, 
and touching has also been a topic in this support group that I'm in 
for a particular problem.. can't describe it here.

(warning: lengthy resp, proceed at risk of snoozing)  (;

BTW, Jon, my name's E R I N N.

 : resp:3  I'm not sure what you mean, Erin.. if you mean you 
 : empathize with the sentiments in the poem, well.. forgive me for 
 : being so frank, but I wonder why you would think that.
 : 
 : Why?
 :
        In Dallas, I walk down the street and get whistles and cat calls
from (mostly Mexican) people driving down the road.  First of all, I find
this irritating and ridiculous, that an adult would behave so immaturely.
Their attentions, whether they're sincerely ment or not, make me feel like
"a piece of meat" (time-honored phrasing, thought I'd toss it in there).

        Secondly, my street smarts tell me to blend and not be seen and
so be able to avoid confrontation with danger.  A pretty woman garners
more attention than a plain one, and attention can result in anything from
hoots/hollars/whistles to violence.

        It's one of those Laws Of The Jungle types of things, I guess. 
It's a way of protecting myself from those that would do me harm, and so
when walking out in the open, I will carry myself with intent, but not
swing my hips too much or lift my head too high.  The woman in freedom's
poem believes that the attentions bestowed on her by the men are
complimentary, but I feel that that's indicative of her naivity, her
ignorence of the dangers of the world. 

        Ok, there's a few ways you can look at this.  Maybe the poet feels
some envy toward the girl and seeks to assure herself that her own
self image of being plain is better than being beautiful, that beautiful
people are endangered because of their beauty.  Or maybe the poet is being
realistic, recognizing that beauty is a double edged sword that should be
used with tact.  


 : 1) saw your picture and thought, "gee, she is really lovely and I 
 : know she's probably breaking hearts whether she knows it or not"
 :
        Thanks. (:

 : 2) met you in person and thought, "wow, she seems to be 
 : beautiful inside as well.. so sweet and she really will bring 
 : happiness to the right man"
 :
        Hm.  That remains to be seen (the "bringing happiness to the right
man" bit, I mean).  I *am* beautiful on the inside.  And when I decide to
show my inner self, it's because I trust both the environment and people
I'm around.  Without that trust, I am no more noteworthy than any other
knot in the wood.  I value this ability.  I feel that it keeps me safe.


 : 3) had to smack myself and remember that I was married, but still 
 : was in awe of someone I thought had so much potential
 :
        <g>  And a lovely wife she is, too.  <wink>

        Awe?  Certainly that's an overdramatization.

 : 4) I wonder why Erin would empathize.. surely there are guys that 
 : think really well of her
 :
        People are attracted to me for another reason, too: I have a habit
of breaking their normal patterns of interaction, which automatically
makes me of extra interest.  I draw quiet people into conversation; I make
loud, boisterous people laugh.  

        (Sidenote: Lexi once told me that my first summer at Interlochen,
very few people would talk to me because I was "both loud and silent at
the same time," and that it was an unsettling thing to be around. ) 

 : 5) for that matter, although I haven't met Megan, I'll bet she's a real 
 : sweetheart and a wonderful person, so why should either of these 
 : two have to feel that way?
 :
        <high fives Megan>  We rule.  (;

 
 : 6) there is probably some symbolism I'm missing.
 :
        I am, of course, only showing what *I* understand Megan's poem to
be about.  Her interperatation might be different.

  : resp:3  I'm not sure what you mean, Erin.. if you mean you
  : empathize with the sentiments in the poem, well.. forgive me for
  : being so frank, but I wonder why you would think that.
  :
  : Why?
  :
        In Dallas, I walk down the street and get whistles and cat calls
 from (mostly Mexican) people driving down the road.  First of all, I find
 this irritating and ridiculous, that an adult would behave so immaturely.
 Their attentions, whether they're sincerely ment or not, make me feel like
 "a piece of meat" (time-honored phrasing, thought I'd toss it in there).
If nothing else, Jon, you can see it as "the grass is always greener."  I
imagine if I turned heads all the time, even if I enjoyed the attention, even
if it _didn't_ cause any problems for me, I would still start to wonder what
it would be like if I didn't.  Yes?  Maybe?

        The grass is generally spray-painted green and likely to die at any
moment, I've found.

        I've found myself embarassed by the things that men say to women
occasionally (seeing as I'm a man), but in most cases it's shrugged off and
ignored.  It's people who can flirt better than me that really get under my
skin, especially if they're that good at it because they enjoy the attention
without having much concern for the chaos they leave in their wake.  

        Overall, being better-than-average attractive seems to be the best bet,
for men and for women.

(Yikes!  Apologies for the gross long quotation in #11 -- I thought I'd
deleted that!)

resp:10 <sound of hand smacking forehead>
I have taken pride in being a near immaculate speller.. and then I miss 
"E - r - i - n - n."  I shouldn't have missed that-- the spelling is 
non-standard and makes it that much more memorable.

Regarding Dallas, well, understood.  I understand it's pretty slummy 
down there.

On point #2-- that's a good thing to have.  I was making a biased 
statement on what I know of you.  I met you in what I thought was an 
ideal way: thru the party forum, I came to know some of your thoughts 
and feelings; and then when I saw your pictures on Jess's webpage at 
grexers.nether.net, I noted your outward beautiful appearance.  When I 
met you in person, I remember that you were dressed really casually, but 
your amicability was apparent, and it seemed that the Erinn I met over 
Grex was consistent with the Erinn I met in person.

Being able to blend in, however, is a valuable trait.  I wish I had it. 
 Perhaps I do and don't know it, but being 310lb. and 6'1" makes it hard 
=\

pt. 3-  Yes, awe.  I have never met such a genuine person, really, and 
one that wasn't afraid to be touchy-feely even though I am married.  I 
have another friend like that, and she is very much married as I am.  
The interesting point is that I got a little tense and had to voice my 
boundaries; generally, if she decides to caress my face, squeeze my 
hand, or take my arm (if we are walking somewhere) in a friendly way, I 
let her do it.  But I generally don't initiate the touch.

I heard it said somewhere that we are an oversexed but undertouched 
nation-- and to a degree, that's true.  So much touch is assumed to have 
sexual overtones, especially between men.  (Well, so football players 
slap each other on the butt, but then, they bang helmets, too.)

To get back to the point, the general problem is that we probably think 
about sex too much-- and not only does it reduce our touching, but it 
effects our other non-verbal communication.  I was reading that in 
France, a man may stare at a woman, and it is usually noted as a 
platonic interest and an appreciation of the woman's beauty, unlike the 
example in the poem, which is sexually charged.

Sorry to drift a bit, but I guess my point is that it's a shame we tie 
so many things to sex that it gets in the way of what could be friendly 
communication.

May the poet herself make a comment-sorry I hadn't checked back at this on
e for awhile'
The girl in the poem, notes, like Erinn pointed out, the double edged sword
of beauty, it can be both good and bad. It draws nice compliments, but may
I add behind every nice comment is something we cannot see...
generally speaking, no, scientifically speaking, for a man, on average, that
would be, conciously, or subconsciously a sexual thought or urge, etc. It
is natural, but hard to control.  The idea being that beauty must be protected
in several ways.  One, as a female, I feel I have a responsibility to not go
around TRYING to arouse men, by looking and acting a certain way. But
secondly,
as was the case w/ me before, I didn't try, it just happened, perhaps this
is where innder beauty also plays a part. Which is why actions are even more
important. Secondly, if you let people see or have too much of something, it
will become abused. Now, this has to happen to some degee, for example,
when you get close to somehow, things they say will hurt more than others
becuase your level of emotional connection is greater and you are more
vulnerable. The female body, can become easily abused in this context. Not
just physically, but even mentally. Personally speaking, I do not any longer
enjoy arousing a strange man's desires. I would rather him long to know the
inner me, and not speak to me because of my appearance...and women are 
constantly battling this trying to decide what guys like them for, despite
what they may say. Perhaps, I am speaking on a assumption bases, and from a
personal level...but the most important thing being that beauty is such a
small part of a person.....

on with Jon's discussion on touching..
personally speaking I do not see a necessity for a woman, otehr than your
wife to caress you face, touch your hand, or touch you at all for that matter.
Explanation? If you *are* attracted to her, it will cause some sort of
sexual arousal in you...if you aren't aroused by her, then it is either
becuase you really aren't attracted by her, or because you force yourself to
try not to feel that way b/c you ARE married. Now, I'm not meaning to attack
you personally...but you used yourself as an example! If you do have friends
who "touch" you more....and you find their touch to create some kind of feel-
ing...then you may be tempted to want to explore that even more...
none of these possibilities should even have to be considered for a married
man or woman....I mean, wouldn't you feel a little uncomfortable if you knew
your wife had a male friend, whom when he hugged her, or touched her is made
her drift in wonder what it would like being w/ him, etc......aaaaaah..
that just drives me nuts...
A lot of people say its ok to look but not touch....I mean, I can argue that
but my views are a bit extreme...but not touching is the key there...
just some thougths to ponder....

This response has been erased.

        Personally, I'd hope that whomever I go out with or marry to be
perfectly comfortable with their friends of both genders, whatever that meant
to them.  If that meant hugging and kissing (friendly kissing, not that
Clinton stuff), then that's great.  And I'd certainly hope she had fantasies
about other people occasionally, because if she didn't then she'd be dead
from the neck up.  

        It's not worth worrying about, and I vastly prefer people to have
their own friends and life.

My point was that because people don't touch each other much, any such 
touching is more often assumed to be sexual than friendly.

It's a pity.  Now, in my case, I just drew my boundaries and remained 
aware of them.  In general, if a woman wants a hug from me, she'll 
extend her arms and make some sort of friendly greeting.  Now, Emily 
happens to be more touchy-feely than my other friends, but well.. we 
understand.  Besides, we both know how crushed and angered our spouses 
would be if anything wrong did happen.

The sad thing is.. if my guy friends were touchy-feely, people would 
think we all were homosexual or something.  (That bites.)

        There are different rules and regulations, socially, for male-to-male
contact, but the meaning is the same.  It's not just a matter of "men don't
touch other men as much as women", for the kind of antics you'll see at any
football game you'll only see rarely among women.

        Might as well work within the system as without, especially since touch
can be a very sensitive issue.  Most people, when they don't want to be
touched, view touch as an invasion of personal privacy, and it's not a very
good feeling.  So you're right to be uncomfortable touching someone unless
they've given you a clear indication or invitation.

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