I can remember back to a time,
  when I did not feel so alone.
The lonliness I used to know,
  was more a friend than you ever were.
You seemed by saviour,
  taking away my pains
  and replacing them with smiles.
I trusted you like a child.
I am a child.

How was I to know
that behind your eyes was darkness.
I fancied you.
Your voice, your life,
  even your language.
I fell in love
  and I dreamed again.

Then, slowly, these dreams,
  you twisted them into nightmares.
With each angry word, you grew colder.
I grew meeker.
Weaker.
I trusted you like a child.

As days and nights passed
I hardley noticed that my eyes,
they too, had grown dark.
I no longer acted like me.
I don't even know hwo I've become.

The clock ticked by slowly,
as your anger stole my sleep,
  deep into the quiet hours.
Eventually, I cried,
  and yet this, was too much for you.

Your hand over my mouth,
  and your eyes a fire,
you would damn me to cry again.
I should have learned to hush.

For then you only gripped harder, 
pushed me to the ground.
I should have hushed.

But I am like a child.
and in your hands you had my body,
and in them you crushed my life.
In one shaterring movement.
So you hit my face,
so I bleed a little,
so you push me to the wall,
and I bruise a little,
so you threaten my life,
and I worry a little,
I am a child.

And so the biggest hurts are the ones you cannot see.

I tried to love you,
  but I could not even love myself.
I grew numb,
until now..
and it all just keeps flowing out...

when you aren't looking of course...
for I have learned to hush.

15 responses total.

Oh my God, Megan..

I'm assuming this is autodocumentary..and I pray that this also helps 
the healing.

Sexual abuse of any kind is so ugly.. and I've seen the effects many, 
many times.. Julie is still growing out of her trauma even today and 
still talks to me about it.  What many people don't mention much is not 
only is the victim permanently scarred, but friends and family often 
take a great deal of the pain as well since their lives are also 
affected.

This is one of the things that makes me truly angry.. anyone that dared 
to boast of such an unspeakable thing would feel the searing inferno of 
my wrath, born of the pain I have felt in regards to it.  I am not a 
victim myself, but I would love to show these creeps just how badly it 
has hurt me indirectly.

heh....sorry to have brought up bad feelings ;)

I think *all* abuse for the record is bad...(psst-though this one isn't about
sexual abuse ;)  )

just general physical abuse, then?

        Religion?

what abour religion?

lumen-its not that big a deal ;) I am sorry it disturbed you-nband me from
the poetry conf forever
?!!!!

nah, I was just curious, 'twas all.  I am neither perturbed, disturbed, 
nor offended.

        One possible interpretation is that of a religious betrayal ... that's
all.  It was a SWAG.

no on...not religious betryal..God can't betray us..we can only betray God
in what we do :)

ha...yeah right

no really... :)

        
        Many people have had that experience, in that what they've *believed*
to be their god has turned out to be something else.

Well, there is a really good passage in the Quran that goes somethin like
...whatever good you get in your life it is from God, and whatever evil falls
into your life, it is from our doing....
I believe this to be true...for example, had I been NOT dating, and being
proper, etc...some of my hardships would not even exist in my life. Actually,
most of them woulnd't. But that's just me, and God tests everyone in a
differnt way. Wthat I have gone thru is a test for m, and me alone, that I
do what is right, have faith, and I WILL come out on top. SO far, so good!
but this is best left for a discussion forum somewhere, not a poetry conf!!!!

        Yup.

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