well - I aint written one for a while, so here goes another one of my
impromptu pieces -

---------------------------
so I fell
who cares. who counts.
are you blameless,
mind concieved in purity..
to judge me?
glare as you wish
you'll get no more from me.
I landed on my face,
pride shattered
severed ego,
burning humility
clothed in....you.

what price you ask?
did I pay in full..
answer me - scratch that..
shut up.
your voice 
in my mind
is enough. To make me sick.
perfection,
beauty,
assertion - hold it up
to shine. Show off.
Have I told you
just how much
I hate you? - your being
contradicts me
my beliefs,
my reality.

so I fell
I care...
I fell for you.

7 responses total.

"Who cares.  Who counts." is really cool.  I like the way you get so much
effect out of short sentences that don't sound typically "poetic."  Also,
"burning humility, clothed in....you" is nice - a good reversal.  This poem
hangs together well.

If I were you, I'd probably make the middle stanza more "poetic," throw in
some more images and whatnot, but it works well enough the way it is.

I like the middle stanza.  It has some delicious reversals.  "answer me 
- scratch that.. / shut up." really caught my attention.  

I think I like this best of the things I've seen of yours so far.  

yes, things are coming along.

This is very emotionally charged.  By chance does this relate to an 
actual event in your life?

re#5 hehe - aren't all poems a figurative outlet for past events in our lives?

yea you're right. The imagery I was going for, was me projectin all my
negatives onto "her", even though she done nothing wrong. So in effect, this
"other" person I resent so much - is the *me* I hate.

good! I like! :) For some reason I don't like the "To make me sick" part...I
feel it really ins't needed!
otherwise, it's good.

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