No Next Item No Next Conference Can't Favor Can't Forget Item List Conference Home Entrance    Help
View Responses


Grex Poetry Item 157: The Love guides the beloved.
Entered by freedom on Tue Dec 7 07:17:26 UTC 1999:

Slowly twisting, turning, grasping,
for the light I need ,
that light I cannot see,
illuminate my darkness,
breathe into me.
You were watching,
when I died,
as I wait for my next step,
to be my last.
Sitting, rocking, waiting,
my mind gone majnoon,
I know this broken love,
has to end all too soon.
In your eyes i fall,
yet in your hands I rise,
I can't do this forever,
as you cut me down to size.
The light will find me,
with or without you,
and I will become distant,
like you always knew.

6 responses total.



#1 of 6 by freedom on Tue Dec 7 07:19:05 1999:

Hi everyone! I haven't been back to GREX in foever it seems! Nor written a
single line of poetry in a few years!! So this attempt off the top of my head
was simply an excuse to say hi to friends of old, and of new! :) Opinions
still wanted for curiosity's sake! :)


#2 of 6 by flem on Tue Dec 7 18:44:28 1999:

The style of this seems to change about halfway through, when you suddenly
decided to start rhyming.  I kinda like the first part better.  I'm all for
rhyme, but not when you have to twist your rhythm and your sense around to
get it.  


#3 of 6 by freedom on Wed Dec 8 04:32:18 1999:

I agree..I didn't actually try to! :) heh, 


#4 of 6 by arianna on Wed Dec 8 06:37:01 1999:

ah, more lyrics.
if inspiration hops in for a visit, as it if music could justify the twisty
rhyming. (;


#5 of 6 by orinoco on Mon Dec 20 04:54:44 1999:

Oh, you aren't entirely new then.  That's what I get for reading the new items
out of sequence.  Just ignore the greeting you'll see in a few more items,
then.....

Re#2: The rhyme between "cannot see" and "into me" sort of had me prepared
for the part where it starts rhyming consistantly, so I guess for me the
change wasn't as jarring.  But I agree with flem that the first half feels
less forced.  

What does "majnoon" mean?


#6 of 6 by lumen on Wed Jan 12 02:18:36 2000:

It's good to see you back, Meg.  I've been gone, too.

Response not possible - You must register and login before posting.

No Next Item No Next Conference Can't Favor Can't Forget Item List Conference Home Entrance    Help

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss