so...
does it ramble or roll
or slip and fall off your tounge
flipping as it falls
tubmling end over translucent end
before it hits bottom
echoing...
no...
detonating
on too frail ears
I burn with the implications of your words
and the after images of your thoughts
wrapping long
serpentine tendrils
first around then through
the gossamer web of my own thoughts
my thoughts
my web
ripped assunder
in one last heated blast
of your will
collapsing the foundations
of such a stable lie
and what do you see now
as the words have stopped rolling
do you see what I have become
no
drop the pretentions
look again
do you see what you have become?
I am nothing now
nothing 
but this ghostly mirror
that your gaze
has ceased to penetrate

1 responses total.

ooh....nice.
I especially like the pacing of the beginning: you wait just long enough for
"I burn with the implications...," the first concrete sentence of the poem,
and I like the "i-have-no-idea-what's-going-on-but-this-sounds-good-so-I-hope-
he-explains-it" lines that come before it.  

"no / drop the pretentions" seemed to me a little....how to say this...
pretentious?  "Drop the pretense" or "drop the pretending" seem closer to what
you're going for anyway.

"serpentine tendrils" is a little cliche too; an adjective besides
"serpentine" would make it a lot stronger and more attention-getting.

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