lose me, I didn't hear you.
caught your silence. say no more.
let me go.
Sunny days, and golden dreams
fill my life. hope. lies.
Darkened storms, soul tormented
ravage the nights. gone. stop.
could time heal 
rifts plegded by broken hearts?
no. time can answer 
time's own questions.
my answers lie in me.
will I live? yes.
will I die?...
shhh. whisper
you are already dead.

5 responses total.

This is freaky wierd, but I love it just the same.  I am especially 
intrigued by the feel of it right at the end.

The pacing is just delightful!  I haven't seen the use of periods 
within a line-- you made that work brilliantly.  I think the pace 
really does set the feel of the piece; the minimalistic use of imagery 
compliments the short phrasing well.

I tend to favor short poems because I admire those who can speak 
volumes in such little material, and this is one of them.

thanx for the critique. I find it more comforting when ppl are honest in thier
views of my poems. Cos if it sux, I want to know :)

(It takes a lot of work to write a poem that actively sucks...that's why
there are bad-poetry contests.... )


I love the first three lines of this, especially "lost your silence".  I don't
especially like the ending -- it seems a bit too abrupt, and maybe too
Twilight-Zone-ish -- but that was the part Julie did like, so this is probably
just personal taste speaking.  

I agree with Jon: the way you break up the lines with periods is an
interesting effect.  

hehehe.. I do my best to be a good critic.

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