Grex Poetry Conference

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Grex Poetry Item 131: Beyond the Elm Tree (redux) / pk
Entered by brighn on Thu Sep 30 00:12:01 UTC 1999:

Beyond the Elm Tree
Paul Kershaw
4/14 - 9/26/99

 
These things will I remember:
        Honeysuckle and roses in your hair
        Salt and powder on your skin
        Darkness and fantasy in your eyes
        Crimson and taupe on your lips
        Light and shadow on your neck
        Heat and drawing in your thighs
        Motherhood and passion in your arms
        Childhood and lust in your breath

These things will I remember:
        The buttery silk upon your breasts
        The hard points my fingers teased
The catch in your breath
The shift in your body
The warm air against my ear
The moistness of your tongue
The scraping of your teeth
The tangy musk on my lips

These things will I remember:
        Shivering
        Squeezing
        Panting
        Tensing
        Moaning
        Nipping
        Tugging
        Screaming
        
 
These things will I remember:
        All is still
        Floating, eyes closed
        You are somewhere beneath me
        Within me
        Around me
        All is quiet    
        I have been released
You have been released

In the night, 
I close my eyes and I remember
And gently stroke your cold skin
As you decay beside me

In the morning,
I will bury you
        Beyond the elm tree
        And leave to seek another

7 responses total.

#1 of 7 by brighn on Thu Sep 30 00:12:34 1999:

I posted this a while back, but I was prompted lately to change it
drastically, so I did. =}

#2 of 7 by orinoco on Thu Sep 30 22:24:45 1999:

... ... Wow.  I don't believe I'd seen this before, but I might be wrong. 
If I have, the ending came as just as much of a shock the second time around.

#3 of 7 by lumen on Fri Oct 1 00:05:43 1999:

I remember it.  I'm not sure if the material itself is different; it 
seems merely to be formatted a different way, to the best of my memory.
Perhaps brighn will point out how it's different?

resp:2 It has retained its shock..

#4 of 7 by arianna on Fri Oct 1 04:02:04 1999:

dear gods, this kicks all sorts of butt.

#5 of 7 by brighn on Fri Oct 1 14:10:31 1999:

Here's the "erotic" part of the original (from item #74):
 
 This things will I remember:
 Sensations of love.
 The sweetness of your perfume.
 The taste of your skin, warm and comforting,
 as you wrapped your arms around me.
 The depth of your eyes,
 and the smooth swell of your breast
 beneath the cool silk
 that brushed against me as we slept.
 The musk of your sex upon my lips,
 your moans, rising from a lilting whisper
 to a crescendo of ecstacy
 that echoed in the night.
 The strength of your muscles,
 your thighs clenched tight around my waist
 as I thrust into you.
  
I'm in a writing group right now, and the critique there was that I was being
too direct and overt... that I should try having just a series of
interconnected images and sensations. That's how it was changed.

#6 of 7 by orinoco on Fri Oct 1 14:47:04 1999:

Ah.  (FWIW, I agree).

#7 of 7 by lumen on Mon Oct 4 20:38:05 1999:

I disagree.  To me, the series appears to break the flow of the style.

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