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Grex Poetry Item 130: sometimes
Entered by brighn on Thu Sep 30 00:11:14 UTC 1999:

Sometimes
Paul Kershaw
8/29 - 9/26/99

 
Sometimes:
        I can feel the rope
                Constricting
                Biting
                Cutting into my neck
        The root of my tongue
                Aching in my throat
                Gasping for air
        My eyes pound
                As the pressure increases
        But I want out, and this is the way

Sometimes:
        I can feel the blade
                A chill against my wrist
                My neck
                My chest
        Lacerating to free the demons
        Even as the blood begins to flow
                Even as the skin stings from fresh wounds
        The demons laugh louder
                Louder
                And louder still
                Voices bursting inside my head
        But I want out. This is the way.

 
Sometimes:
        I can taste the salt on my tongue
                Before it starts to burn
        My stomach roiling
                Rebelling
                Demanding
        Its complaints fall on deaf ears
                The more it complains
                The more I pour
        I will still the agony
        I will still the darkness
        I will still the pain
        The burning will subside
                Though not before I've torn my skin
                Tearing until it bleeds
                Digging for the burning
        But I want out. Isn't this the way?

Sometimes:
        In the morning
        I wake up
                No rope
                No knife
                No poison
                Only me
        For a hushed moment
                Only me
        A smile - it all makes sense -
        Before the pain seeps in again

8 responses total.

#1 of 8 by lumen on Fri Oct 1 00:02:51 1999:

hmmmm... I think I may see the deeper meaning.

I'm not taking it at face value, of course, because the imagery isn't 
all that new.  But the philosophical and introspective connotations..

#2 of 8 by arianna on Fri Oct 1 04:00:33 1999:

whoa.

#3 of 8 by lumen on Mon Oct 4 20:34:01 1999:

I'm going to ask a blunt question-- does this have to do with BDSM?

#4 of 8 by brighn on Tue Oct 5 13:53:24 1999:

no, it has to do with suicide.

#5 of 8 by jazz on Wed Oct 6 19:56:47 1999:

        You need a harder mattress, definitely.

#6 of 8 by lumen on Wed Oct 20 23:43:20 1999:

resp:4  Oh.  Well, it seemed to be somewhat.. masochistic.  I 
understand now.

I don't know why I didn't get it before-- I used to be so suicidal.

#7 of 8 by cloud on Tue Dec 28 09:40:08 1999:

Funny how people change,eh?

#8 of 8 by lumen on Wed Jan 12 02:12:45 2000:

I suppose.  But I seem to pay my old self a visit now and then.

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