It wouldn't be so hard to meet
New people if you'd only just
Quit bitching at the type of seat
And over dinner stop your fuss.
 
You'd have much more luck making friends
If you would seek their company
Instead of making clear your ends
Are just to get laid quick for free.
 
Friends are not to boss around
Nor nose into their privacy
So if you run a man to ground
Be quite assured it won't be me.

19 responses total.

Awesome.  As I've said before, I usually hate really tight verse with a lot of
meter and rhyme, but this is so beautifully stylized with wit and charm that I
am reading it over and over again.  The subject is fresh and the lines are so
original that if you don't publish this, it would be a crying shame!

(hey, Dan may be one of the Grammar Bitches, but I love being a flamboyant
critic here in this cf-- a constructive one, that is.  Gotta encourage the
talent :) )

Re #1:  Its appearance here is its first publication.
 
I'm afraid I'm a rhyme-and-meter poet.  There is something
about scansion that makes something roll off the tongue, and
the rhyme forces C to follow B to follow A.  It's all about
organizing, projecting and conveying a thought or a mood,
and I like it if it is cohesive enough to stay in one
piece on the journey from one mind to another. ;-)
 
The story behind this piece is pretty funny in a sad sort of
way.  My brother had a FOAF who he invited to be my "date" at
a party some years ago; she got lost on the way and didn't
make it, but I decided I wanted to meet her just for the
heck of it and asked her out to dinner.  (My treat.)
 
She seemed not to like *anything*.  The 2-seat booth was too
small for her to stick her elbows out all the way and not
protrude into the aisle; she ordered an entree she didn't
have the taste for, and her raspberry iced tea ditto.  She
talked about her work and the losers she saw as clients, and
how they hit on her; she asked me some questions I consider
very personal, which I dodged.  I dropped her off at her place.  
 
Well, anyone can be having a bad day.  A day or two later I 
asked her out to breakfast (my treat again).  The food was
better, and she asked me up to her place afterwards.  She
practically ordered me to take my shoes off, then she
disappeared into her bedroom for perhaps 20 minutes while
I chatted with her roommate in the living room and watched
the movie that was on.  After a while she popped out and
mentioned that there was a TV in her room, and did I want
to watch the movie in there with her?  She was not subtle.
 
I had no intention whatsoever of sleeping with this woman;
I refused.  Whereupon she started getting nasty, as if I
owed her something!  (Sorry, babe, but you're long-distance
*and* a smoker, and you know I'm allergic; did you think
there was any chance?)  I found my shoes, excused myself to
the roommate, and let myself out.  And over the next day or
so, this verse started popping into my head.
 
It's been about 4 years, but I still laugh at this.

Ha!  Shades of Ogden Nash, or Pope.  :)  Excellently delivered.  Could 
use some more punctuation, methinks.  

re:2 Holy s**t!  Dinner date from hell, indeed.

heh damn, you now alot of women would like that in a guy (not going to bed that
soon after meeting), heh wierd shit:)

Well, Damon (would you mind using a 70-character or so line length?),
there are all kinds of people out there.  This woman (whose name I
have forgotten, though I could probably find her place) appears rather
different from most women we know.  I could speculate all day on
feelings and motivations, but it wouldn't amount to a hill of beans.
 
It is interesting that the usual "sex roles" were reversed in this
little episode.  You know, stereotypical male asshole getting upset
when he finally gets the message that he's not getting any...  If
everything fit a stereotype it would be really easy to deal with life
without thinking about it, but life insists on being complicated. ;-)

oh yea, i know there are tow sides to every coin
 i said 
 "alot" :) not all or most just alot, i tend to try to be careful about such
 things

re:6  Still, I would like to believe that in the way our society is 
currently set up, that this woman will have little problem getting laid 
unless she's picking about her men and happens to pick decent ones with 
moral scruples/principles.

Re #8:  If my own experience is any guide, I'd say it was more likely
born of frustration and desperation than anything else.  She is/was a
social worker with a fairly down-and-out/scummy clientele, and she
mentioned that some of the men hit on her and she found it disgusting.
She was the one who came onto me (other than socially), and I don't
think she was looking for anything serious.  I think she was just
trying to validate herself in her own eyes, and grab what she saw
as an opportunity to have some fun in the sack.
 
Had I seen things the same way, this poem would never have come to be.

#8> Why would you *like* to believe that?
(Partially sarcastic, partially rhetorical, but partially serious)

This was a fun poem, and the best part is it didn't just have to be about
somebody you dated, but could have been about any off the really pissy people
you're liable to meet.
By the way: in the intrest of being a pissy grammer 'bitch, it should be
known, to whomever wrote  #7, that "a lot" is two words, not one.
Obey this law, or worse forces than I will hunt you down and eat you.

At the risk of being a spelling bitch, I'll point out that it's
spelled "grammar".  :)

Last I checked, pissy grammar bitches also strongly eschewed "a lot" as slang,
and preferred "many."

Isn't "stronly eschewed" like "extremely pregnant"?

"strongly"

whatever.

<g>  you guys're silly.

This drift is very amusing, especially for this item.

#14> Not really. It's more like "enthusiastically avoided." One can escew
something without getting ardent about it, or one can eschew something through
vehemence. Grammar teachers tend to do the latter, in the case of "a lot."

Ah, good.  

I like this.  Good work, Russ.  I always admire folks who can make the 
picture work when they write in verse.

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