Grex Parenting Conference

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Grex Parenting Item 98: Would you want to be your kid?
Entered by jep on Mon Dec 14 19:57:37 UTC 1998:

I've been thinking about a discipline issue for our 2 year old, and that 
got me to thinking about this question: Would you want to be your own 
kid?  Would you be happy if you were your kid, being raised the way you 
are raising your kids?

It's really an offshoot of the 1990's question, are you a better parent 
than your parents?

5 responses total.

#1 of 5 by n8nxf on Tue Dec 15 11:04:48 1998:

I don't think that is the right question.  I think a better question
would be is the way you are raising your child going to help him/her
become a happy but responsible and contributing part of society?  Also,
it has been my experience that what kids think make them happy do not
make them happy in the long run.  Kids are basically egocentric and want
the things that feed that ego: Lots of toys, only foods they like, not
having to clean up after themselves, staying up late, having mom or dad
beat up anyone that bullies them, etc.  You can spend all your time and
every bit of of your money feeding that ego but all you will wind up
with is an unhappy brat.

I feel that it is important to set reasonable limits, explain to your kids
why you said No! (Or anything else that upsets them) even if you don't
think they can understand. (I've been doing this since the day our kids
were born!)  Teach them that giving can be far more rewarding than having
and to treat others the way they want others to treat them.  Very, very
difficult concepts for many kids.  Also don't expect them to do things that
you or your partner don't do.  i.e. if you keep most of your laundry on
the bedroom floor, don't expect your kids to put it in the chute.

I consider it my responsibility to raise my kids and their grandparents
responsibility to spoil them.

#2 of 5 by kami on Wed Dec 16 04:08:46 1998:

I think, sometimes, our parenting is a mix of what our parents did- and what
we wish they had done.  I know mine is.

#3 of 5 by waterrat on Sat Dec 19 16:44:51 1998:

I find the question "Would you want to be your kid?" amusing.  I'm sure that
if I treated a child the way I wanted to be treated as a child, it could give
anywhere between wonderful and disasterous results.  Each child is so
different, that no matter how many of them you care for, the next will teach
you something new.  You can't treat them all exactly the same and expect them
all to turn out equally happy.  But I do try to remember how I felt at that
age and not do to the kid what would have annoyed me and if the kid feels
differently, (s)he is welcomed to speak up.  That said kids generally need
a good example to follow so don't expect them to do what you say if it's
different from what you do.

#4 of 5 by mary on Sun Dec 20 12:27:48 1998:

I don't think I'd mind so much having a parent like me.
And I'd certainly feel fortunate to have John as a father.

#5 of 5 by mta on Mon Dec 21 03:34:52 1998:

Well, it's pretty hard for me to see my pareenting style from the outside,
but guaging from my kids reactions, I guess it wouldn't be so bad to have me
as a parent.  (At 16 and 18 they still like me and respect my opinion...that
must say something.)

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