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The scenario: You have a couple of starry-eyed friends who are making
a suspicious gurggling noise whenever the subject of children
comes up. They have been talking about trying on parent-
hood themselves, but you suspect they are taking much too
romantic a view of this baby business.
The questions: If you have kids, what are some of the things you wish
someone had clued you in on before you took the plunge?
What sort of things would you encourage them to think
about and plan for? (The plusses as well as the minuses)
If you plan to have children some day...or think you might
consider it under te right circumstances, what are your
considerations? What would you suggest your friends
think about when making their decisions?
If you never plan to have kids, what would you tell your
friends about why? Would you discourage them from having kids?
13 responses total.
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Well, like any other interest, raising babies takes some amount of time and money. Kids take more of both than some things, I'll admit--but depending on the quality of help you can find in your social support network, it really doesn't have to seem like deprivation. The time issue is probably the more difficult one. Babies and kids need your attention and care 24 hours a day for at least 8 or 9 years--and it only gradually tapers off. Home-free doesn't happen for a couple of decvades. (And that only if you've done a good job.) That is really where a strong social network comes in--people who care enough about you and your child to help you stay sane when crazy would be a *reallty* short trip! Another thing that helps is realizing that no one, not even you, can do everything. If the health department doesn't show up too often, you're doing ok. House beautiful is for bored single people or grandparents. Your social life has to be based around things you can do with your progeny. That can be tricky in these days when it's considered a sign of culture to dislike kids--especially because even the nicest baby has days that make you wonder what ever made you think *you* liked kids. Money is more flexible. It does cost a certain amount of money to raise kids, but it's amazing how many of the "necessities" you can do a fine job without, if you have to. For instance, I've raised two kids, and I've never ownwd a crib, a playpen, a bouncy seat, or a high chair. Diapers, clothes, blankets, food, and a Snugli style baby carrier are the things I consider "bare bones" child raising. Costs can be cut there, too. Shop garage sales for clothes, blankets, and diapers. Use cloth rather than paper diapers. Nurse the baby for the first year anmd make baby food from the family dinner with a food mill. Even the birth expenses can be pared down, in most cases. Doctors charge a fortune--and then you also pay separate hospital fees. On the other hand, a good mid-wife can provide prenatal care and home delivery for $800-1200. Assumeing everything goes well. If they don't go well and you have to go to the hospital anyway all bets are off.
They should expect some fairly drastic changes in lifestyle, both from a $$$ standpoint and from a lifestyle/activity/social standpoint. The money part sucks (it's always tight unless you've got too much to begin with or you are incredibly well disciplined with a buget and even then ...). The other changes are dramatic. You can't prepare for them and the situation isn't better or worse (unless you want it to be) but it is DIFFERENT. In my case, I think that the changes have been for the better but I couldn't have predicted them (not even a clue from watching Ozzie and Harriet and the Beav). It's not a move to be made lightly or by flakes.
When we adop0ted my son (very suddenly, with NO warning), some friends put together a booklet of things they'd learned through their experiences, "Maxims for Mommies." anyone interested in getting a copy? address responses to Becca - this is a shared login id.
I'd love a copy, Becca!
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that saying "my kids will never be like/do that..." doesn't make it true! that you will want to crawl under the floor in embarrassment sometimes when you're with them that babysitters are really scarce and really expensive that it's all worth it...
No one's answered for a long time, but here goes, for what it's worth. When people get googly eyes about babies you can never tell them what it's like when the kid a) pukes at 2 am b) pukes in the car c) hits the terrible twos for the first time in a nice restaurant d) turns any age over 4 and develops an ATTITUDE The would be parents will tell you they don't care, kids are worth it and, ya'know what? THey're right! I just found out I'm pregnant with my fourth! <big smile> When one of my employees had a babyshower, I gave her a booklet of all the worstthings my (two at the time) kids had ever done. In retrospect, it made for some hilarious reading. And NOTHING beats the hug you get when you walk in the door and a 2 year old says I missed you mommy.
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oof! What do you do for the exta 5 hands needed with that many?
My oldest is a girl, 9 and she's GREAT! I was told yesterday not to lift the baby (2 yrs, 3mos) for a week due to bleeding & threat of miscarriage. We have not told anyone including the kids that I'm pregnant cuz I did miscarry before the 3rd was born. So I just told my oldest my back bothered me and she hauled our spoiled but loving 2yr old around all afternoon, and did piano lessons, and homework, and read to her so I could read to the 6 yr old! She's the best (sometimes!). I found the kids can cope well with demands that are realistic. Also, I don't have 3 babies, at 9 and 6-1/2, they are very independent! The 3rd was easier than the 2nd, because I had my little helpers! One of my employees had triplets! Hats off to HER!
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Yes, they were born shortly after the election (in Ann Arbor, even).
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- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss