Grex Parenting Conference

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Grex Parenting Item 44: Parenting Class, week 2
Entered by gracel on Thu May 5 17:25:56 UTC 1994:

Active Parenting Today, Week 2, chapter title "Instilling Courage and 
Self-Esteem" (summary of what I thought were the good parts)
        Courage is the "heart" that enables risk-taking.
        Behavior is a result of what we think & how we feel, as well
as what happens to us; the event-think-feel-do cycle can be either
toward failure or toward success.
        Some typical ways to *dis*courage: negative expectations,
focusing on mistakes, perfectionism, overprotection (expecting too little).
        Ways to *en*courage (children in particular):
        1. Show confidence in them, give (and don't take back!) suitable
responsibility, ask their advice.
        2. "Catch 'em doing good" & concentrate on improvement, not  
perfection.
        3. Value the person more than the behavior (and say so),
appreciate uniqueness.
        4. Stimulate independence, don't pamper, invite cooperation
in group activities.

11 responses total.

#1 of 11 by kami on Fri May 6 04:29:17 1994:

Thank you for posting this.  Please keep at it.  Sounds pretty sensible.

#2 of 11 by juggler on Sat May 14 06:11:23 1994:

There kami, now you've seen us in smalls!! (drift, drift, drift!)

#3 of 11 by kami on Mon May 16 00:19:29 1994:

great.  what did you think of the described parenting class?  Have you thought
about such classes?  What do you think is the best way for parents to learn
the skills they'll need to help their kids grow?

#4 of 11 by juggler on Tue May 17 05:20:22 1994:

I knew that you wouldn't let me get away with just a passing comment like that!
I think that the classes sound invaluable, and should be required!  Working
in Mental Health, we've gotten training like this for years now as it relates
to Mentally Ill and Mentally retarded individuals.  It's about time that some 
realized that it's valuable knowledge no matter where it's used...

#5 of 11 by kami on Tue May 17 18:28:49 1994:

ditto.  I studied elementary ed., so had some developmental psych classes.
Between that and all the "borrowing" I did before I had my own, the boys
haven't managed to throw anything at me I didn't recognize, although it
doesn't stop them wearing me out...

#6 of 11 by juggler on Wed May 18 03:28:11 1994:

I have a friend with a four year old who said "You spend the first 1 1/2-
2 years teaching them to walk and talk, and the rest of their lives telling
them to sit down and shut up!! (said with all humor of course;)
But it says a valuable lesson, n't rush things, savor it as it happens!

#7 of 11 by kami on Wed May 18 05:25:11 1994:

old line but true...  Sigh.  Hey!  Gareth has finally gotten the hang of this
walking stuff.  Uh oh.

#8 of 11 by juggler on Wed May 18 21:37:57 1994:

HIDE THE VALUABLES!!!!

#9 of 11 by popcorn on Thu May 19 01:05:08 1994:

This response has been erased.

#10 of 11 by kimba on Fri May 20 05:21:38 1994:

Besides parenting classes to deal w/development and such, what about parenting
classes to deal w/play-learning?  Personally I've NEVER been around babies/kids
before I had my daughter, and while most things seems all a matter of common
sense, when it comes to playing w/her, and hoping she gets something out of
it in the long run, I'm clueless.  Any suggestions/ideas?

#11 of 11 by kami on Fri May 20 21:14:59 1994:

That's a lot of what I got from childhood development and education classes.
Also, I got Timothy into daycare fairly early, when I had time to sit and
watch, so I learned a bit from the daycare provider.  Grandparents and other
parents are also helpful.  The "Parents Magazine" toy series, while it ceased
to be useful after a while, did send useful suggestion booklets with all the
toys.  Actually, a lot of parenting publications are somewhat useful that 
way, but I find some of them too pat or too frantic or something.  Remember,
kids learn from everything in their environment and from everything you or
they do, so being "clueless" won't do any harm- it's just that knowing a bit
about what's going on inside her little head/body gives you something extra.

Is she crawling? reaching for toys?  Handling 2 toys at a time? Able to 
figure out what to do when a 3rd toy is offered?  Feeding herself a bit? 
Playing peek-a-boo or patty cake or similar games?  Looking for a S l o w l y
hidden toy?  imitating simple vowel sounds/ hollers?  When my boys were trying
to crawl, I did a lot of diagonal limb patterning as changing-table play, and
I think it might have helped them figure it out.

Have fun!  That's the most important thing you can teach your baby.

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