Mothering magazine this month ran an article about breast feeding and the
law in which it mentions several instances of mothers being brought up on
abuse and neglect charges for nursing a child past infancy.  They bring
up the interesting question of "How long should you nurse a child?"
"What if you decide to nurse past infancy?  Should you be open about it?
Should you keep your parenting practices to yourself?"

Were/are your children breast fed?  How long did/will they nurse? What
do you think of social agencies practice of charging mothers with
sexual abuse, or neglect for nursing past infancy?  Is it appropriate?
At what age does it become appropriate?

18 responses total.

No.  Bottle fed for about eight months before I decided cups were preferable.
For nursing?  Generally the actions are misguided.
As for the rest of the questions, the answers depend upon your personal
beliefs and culture -- but, yes, if you are going to deviate from U.S.
expectations you are best served by keeping it to yourself.

I remember many, many years ago, I had a friend who was nursing her child who
was over three.  I am very openminded but I recall being taken aback when the
child walked over to her mother while we were visiting, opened her blouse
and stood in front of her and nursed.

I nursed my children for six months each (coincidentally) and stopped only
because it ceased to be comfortable or convenient (It was summer in NYC and
we didnt have airconditioning and we both sweated something fierce.)

There is no accepted time of optimal nursing except that for health reasons,
its generally good to continue for three months.  Psychologically, I bet its
going to be shown to be desireable for as long as everyone involved finds
it comfortable.  Remember that you cant prop a baby nursing from a breast.
Breast feeding necessitates human contact and cuddling (at least before the
child can stand in front of you and open your blouse.)

There's nursing and then there's "making a big display of nursing" --
very different things.  My three-year-old (and two months) has not 
entirely given up mother's milk yet, though it's an occasional bedtime
matter only, but nobody *has* to know about it except the two of us.
My first child weaned himself, suddenly, at about 29 months.  
The medical community now recommends nursing "at least" a year, though
the right hand doesn't always know what the left hand is doing and other
advice often assumes that your child is bottle-fed, or at least drinking
cow's milk.
With practice, an experienced mother-and-child can nurse discreetly
almost anywhere, but the child's real best interests (including not
always instant gratification) should surely come before MAKING A 
STATEMENT which may well be misunderstood.  
Apart from the legal-type questions, I recommend the book Mothering 
Your Nursing Toddler (by Norma Jane Bumgarner, published by La Leche
League International).

I nursed the 1st for 21 months, and the 2nd for only 4.  He bit, and
also preferred a COLD bottle of formula, so it was not very gratifying
for either of us (my 1st was a sweet cuddly type).  My 3d is now 2 yrs
+ 3 mos, and still wants to nurse to fall asleep, tho she coplains
that there's no more milk.  I have gotten tired of it so I hope
to give that up (amidst much tears, and howls) real soon.  Give me
strength.

Nursing may be very good for diabetes-prone infants.  It is good for
immune system.  One has to ensure there is enough milk, and
that the mother is taking enough vitamins in the food/supplements 
she consumes.  The risk is from a "dry" mother who is determined
to nurse without suplements: a baby can dehydrate easily.

La leche league is a great help for nursing, but not supportive of
weaning challenges!

Well, my older was still nursing for "morning cuddles", sometimes at
night or if he was ill, and wanting to nurse (but being put off) if
a meal were too late at about 2 1/2, when I went away for 10 days and
left him with my mom.  Of course, he was weaned when I came back, but
it was about time anyway.  He's not generally the cuddly type, although
as he's gotten older he's gotten better at asking for and accepting
affection-he doesn't mind the loss of momentum quite as much. The
younger was kind of weaning at 15 months when I went away for 5 days 
and left him with papa.  Of course he was weaned when I got back, which
I wasn't quite ready for, but he hasn't looked back at all.  He IS
the cuddly type, but I think he's better at seeing food and hugs as
different kinds of comfort than was Timothy.  
Oh, T. tried to nurse once or twice after Gareth was born, but had
long since forgotten how.

Aside from leaving town, does anyone have any advice on how to wean
my youngest (2-1/4 yrs).  She nurses to fall asleep, and if she wakes
up at night, she nurses to fall asleep then...I'm exhausted!
I know I've spoiled her, but my family has never wanted to let her cry, and she
shares a room with her sister, so I hate to keep the others up if  the baby is
crying.

I'm planning to let her holler all night soon.

Anyone have better advice?

Start now, during the day, offering her cuddles without nursing, real food
(that she likes) when she wants to nurse, etc. and also find a cuddle-thing
that she takes to and have her hold it while nursing or any time she wants
comfort.  Its purpose is to enable her to comfort herself.  Also, make
sure she has enough to eat before bed and tell her that that will have to
keep her until morning.  Offer water if she wakes up.  If you nurse her,
don't do it in bed and pop her right back into her own bed as soon as
she's done, but do hold her for a while if she asks for comfort rather
than nursing.  Use words to help her understand that she's looking for
comfort, not food, and offer her that.  Good luck.

1. Is she getting enough attention *for her*, including peaceful
mealtimes, during the day?  She doesn't sound spoiled to me, but
it depends on how much time & how much milk is involved, and how regularly
she is waking at night.  Mothering a two-year-old is likely to be
exhausting in any case. (At night, if you can get there before she's
fully awake, be sure to try just patting her & making soothing noises
first rather than automatically picking her up)

2. I did not try to wean mine as such, but the younger one went 
through a stage when he would sometimes only nurse enough to start
the milk flowing, leaving me very uncomfortable, so I got into the
habit of saying to him "If you're *really* hungry, you can have
some, but just cuddle for a while first."  It cut down my frustration
level nicely.

I only nurse her at night (before bed) and we are now reading before 
nursing, so I hope to keep up with that and cuddling at first.  Iread
to the older wo kidsd, too before they go to bed, so I hope seh associatess
the ritual.  

I have *no* milk left.  As a result, she is starting to drink warm 
cows milk!  She used to refuse all milk  ('cept me) til a few months
ago.  

She's full awak when she calls me at night.  So I can't get
away with pats on the back until I get her off the breast.

One of my friends said a mistake I made was nursing her til she 
fell asleep on my breast, instead of putting her in bed awake
to falll asleep.    Any comments?  she alsways seemed to fall asleep
so quickly, I hated to deprive her of any milk.

re #4 -- For me, the great benefit of La Leche League (in their
literature, and in the Ann Arbor meetings I attended for about 2 1/2
years) was the emphasis on meeting the needs of mother *and* child.
If a "weaning challenge" is presented as "I want to do this, how
do I make baby cooperate?" then one shouldn't expect support from
them, but I have been  present at more than one sympathetic discussion
along the lines of "I think it's time to wean but baby doesn't agree, 
can s/he be persuaded?"
        At the other end of the nursing history, I would say the
problem is less likely to be a "dry" mother as such than a mother who 
does not recognize danger signals and get good advice.  I read an 
article about this in the last few months: as I recall, in most of 
the cases the babies were not latching on properly, maybe because the 
mothers weren't holding them in a position that encouraged proper
latching on, so babies couldn't get out the milk that was there.  
Milk supply can be increased once a nursing couple is properly in business.

My milk dried up after 2 years of nursing because I no longer made the 
effort to drink lots of liquid.  Believe me, my daughter knows how
to latch!  I also think La Leche league should help support weaning
issues realistically.  My 2 yr old didn't need to nurse, she needed to
find a way to fall asleep on her own.  That is a developmental issue.
I had trouble with my 1st refusing rubber nipples and going hungry all
day at 6 mos when I returned to work.  La leche league was no help.
Early cup use finally helped.

Oh I forgot:  Thanks for all the advice.  We've stopped nursing. :)
Being pregnant again, my husband was finally supporteive (he liked me
nursing) but we agreed the sooner the better so ther'd be no link between
weaning and new baby.

We found a favorite blanket (she had never cared before) a favorite baby doll
and rocked and read books for about 30 min in the rocking chair.
The older two slep elsewhere the 1st night.

She cried for 15 min and went to sleep, woke up once for a diaper
change, and went back to sleep quietly.

That was Fri.  Yesterday her big sister had a chat with her, and
we had NO bed time problems!  :)

I always found La Leche League to be thoroughly realistic, though
the people in it were merely human and not magicians, with varying
amounts of experience.
If you have an infant who goes to sleep quickly, then putting her
down by herself does sound like a good habit to begin with -- she
won't get much milk then anyway.  (Mine were not like that at all)

This response has been erased.

Yes, it is a Very Bad Idea to put a child to bed with a bottle that
has anything other than water in it.  Breast feeding is a little
different, partly because the liquid is less decay-encouraging (I
think) and partly because the child is less likely to wind up with
a pool around the teeth.  There have been a few cases of children 
who were *very* prone to decay and developed "nursing-bottle mouth" 
(or whatever it's called) just from being nursed to sleep, but this 
is extremely rare.
With my own, there were plenty of times when I felt that the infant
would not survive to *have* teeth if he did not let *me* go to
sleep, and the only reliable means of achieving that end was to
let him nurse himself to sleep.  We survived.  No visible tooth 
decay, either (I can't say the same for my mind ... )

I have heard people expound upon how bad it is to let a baby fall asleep
with a bottle.  But few reasons why, except a some references about tooth
decay.  Has anyone seen any actual reports dealing with this?  Unless you
are feeding the child Coke in a bottle I don't believe some formula or 
kindertea is that bad.  How decay-encouraging is formula?

RE

Baby formula contains a lot of sugar.  It may not cause problems for every
child put to bed with a bottle, but for a large minority the decay is
extreme enough to be worth preventing.

What happens is that the child fa;lls asleep with a bottle in its mouth and a
pool of milk  is allowed to collect in the mouth.  This allows the sugars in t
the formula to break down the teeth's protective enamal, or something.  Anyway,
from what I've read, the damage is mainly in the front of the mouth.

My dad's a dentist...does that make me an expert?  MT is corect, the problem
is not the bottle but the fact that when kids fall asleep it is with 
a lot of sugary liquid in their mouths if they are sucking formula.

However, my 2nd had terrible allergies and when he was too young for 
medicine he'd wake up with dry mouth all the time.  He was also my
only kid who liked formula (preferred it to me, in fact).  I was working
full time since he was 6 mos, and permanently exhausted, so against all
advice I got to the point where I'd throw a bottle of formula at him in 
the crib.  He hated water, which I did try.  Ironically, he's got the best
teeth in the family.  Luck!

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