The sun is high at noon.

As she walks through the dusty field, a large object catches her eye.  Covered
with dirt and mud, dust and sun bleached, the bus looks ill used as of late.
It is still covered with grafitti.  "Gerund wuz here"  "Cats Rule"  "Help,
I'm being held captive by crazed women with no purpose and bathroom
restraints!"

She climbs aboard and finds that there are too many damn bugs and spiders.
She eeps loudly and runs for dear life.  After composing herself, she calls
several exterminators to come and bug bomb the bus to heck.  Thankfully no
one was there to see her lack of composure.

She takes aboard a mightly plethora of cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and
rags.  As she cleans, she finds the claw marks of several past passengers
trying to get out.  A disco ball shoved in a corner, shackles in the lavitory,
and peelings from an eggplant are strewn about.  Gasping for air between
sprays of Windex, she cleans the windows. 

The winshield gets replaced.  New Tires.  Rust is gone.  Paint looks good.
Fasionable carpeting on the stairs.  The bus gets an overhaul.  At the front
of the bus, the FL-Suite is prepared.  A litterbox with auto cleaning and auto
refilling built in.  Soft clay clumping litter with deoderizing freshness is
bought.  A kitty condo in one corner, a soft bed in another.  Two comfy fuzzy
chairs with complementary pillows.  And the final touch, a throne with a view,
privacy screen, and parasol.  

Grabbing her fuzzy children, a change of clothes, and food for the fridge,
she hops behind the drivers seat.  The motor purrs, the wheels turn, and she
goes in search of others headed in her direction:  Nowhere in particular.

RETURN OF THE FEARLESS LEADER!  ALL HAIL OATHBOUND!

362 responses total.

<There's that other one, standing by the side of the road, a grey fuzzy 
cat at her feet (glaring at her, if you must know, for taking her out 
in this heat), her thumb out, a wild grin as she sees the old bus 
pulling closer... will it stop?>

<the bus pulles up to the other one.  Opening the beautifully A/C'd bus doors
she beacons the two aboard.>

A fuzzy chair for you, Fearless Leader #1, and a Throne for her highness. 
Welcome Home!
                        Fearless Leader #2

Now all we need are some people to lead!

<stands in front of the bus with her hand out in the STOP position, watches
at it brakes, then climbs aboard with her two cats>

Welcome to the cat bus, I'm sure.  I think I need to get more litter!

Sasha, Tanis, Precious, Gomez, and Morticia!  Ooooo

<waits for Sarah and the furred ones to board the bus, Queen Sasha 
finding the throne is acceptable proceeds to curl up on it and glare at 
everyone... Meanwhile the FL#1 climbs up and flops onto a chair>

Glad to see you back FL#2... means you can drive, I need a nap. <and 
then does just that>

Precious agrees with you, I guess, since she hops into her cuddle place and
purrs and snuggles.

Thank you FL#1, nice to finally be back.  I hope you find the concubine pillow
assortment of chairs acceptable, gypsi?

<suddenly tumbles out of the glove compartment (it's rather big)>

* huh? *

<blearily opens a single eye and glances at Clees> Ah... good to have 
you back Rick.  <dozes off again>

<birdy doesn't comment since she's already passed out on a large mattress with
Gomez>

<Morticia continues to explore>

Well, I should hope that we wake up soon, this sleeping isn't getting us
anywhere.  I hope that Morticia likes the wide assortment of feathers and
kitty toys that I have equipt the bus with.

Nice to see you again, Rick.  How long have you been IN the glove box?  It's
been an awfuly humid summer!  I've heard of saunas but that's a little
extreme!  Do YOU have a pet to bring on this Magical Mystery Zoo Bus ride?

Feather toys?  We're *never* getting any sleep with those around...

(and sure..what the hell...take that with a double meaning if you like...)

I have NO, I repeat *****NO**** idea what you are talking about.  

<looks innocent>

I'm just the driver, lady!

<snickers in her sleep, and wakes up for just a moment> Well, catnip 
mice aren't exactly safe 'round here neither...

<nods off again, Sasha abandoning the throne in favor of using her 
Mommy as a pillow, and thusly ignoring alll the other 'youngins'>

<brushes Sasha fur away from her face and tries to figure out if the gray blob
is a pillow or a cat>

I dunno... you ever see that Garfield cartoon where he dumped water on a dog
that was all fur, and it ended up being just fur and eyeballs and nothing
else?  You think that would work here?  <heh heh heh>

Thank god for short haired kitties.  Much easier for cuddling.  

<Tanis jumps up, purrs loudly, rubs momma in his loving fasion, jumps down,
and watches anxiously trying to figure out if he can catch Sasha's tail and
if it's worth it.  He's a boy...if the mountain is there, he'll climb
it...even if the mountain would get up, kick the shit out of him, and stomp
on the squishy pieces, he'd do it.  Go figure.  Testosterone poising, I'm
sure>

<murmurs> Fluffy cats are *very* easily cuddled... thank you... and I 
wouldn't suggest Tanis go after her tail, she's particular about that.

Heh, testosterone poisoning? I thought that was taken care of last 
week. <snickers and goes back to snoozing>

Sasha looks downright hilarious when she's drowned in water.  I thought I was
going to die of laughter...  she looks a bit smaller, but that tail...  <laughs
again>  Hee hee hee...

Sasha's easy to cuddle if you do it right.  She's like a stuffed animal 'cause
she lies on her back and lays against your arm.  Then, when she's had enough,
she wraps herself around your arm and kicks until you manage to pry it away
from her.  Beast.

Gomez will find the direct center of the bed and sleep there while gaining
about fifty pounds.  This ensures that you will not be able to move him and
that you'll wake up pinned in a strange position.  When you *do* move, he rolls
off of you while waking up (which is too adorable) then gives you a look like
"What the fuck?"

Well, yes, Tanis is no longer...infected with maleness, altough how much of
being male is in the mind anyway....  

Precious cuddles good too.  She sleeps with momma, and she manages to snuggle
into whatever space is availible on you.  It's sweet.  So if you are laying
down, she's on your tummy or side, but in such a way that she's not imposing.
If you are sitting up, she sits on your lap and lays up and cuddles in the
crook of your arm.  She's too pitiful to wake up, so you end up sleeping
longer so not to disturb her <heh heh> Tanis, however, knows his place.  He
doesn't cuddle on me, unless he's on a pillow wrapped around my head.  ANd
that's a rare thing.  Usually he sleeps at my feet.  I'll wake up and move
my feet in the night, and he'll lift his head and rub it on my feet a couple
times, and then purr loudly and go back to sleep.  He's a good boy.  <grin>
Precious kicked his butt and told him where he could and couldn't be.  

No catnip mice, though.  No stoned cats on this bus!

Aww c'mon... why not?

No free love <since they're fixed> and no stoned kitties.  Nancy Regan got
to me man...  Just say no...just say no...just say POE, wait wait...Just say
no

Ah, screw you. <grins and pulls out several catnip filled mice, tossing 
them around the bus>

Screw me?  Me?  Moi?  Never happen!

<she looks sternly at her kitties "Remember if you do drugs, you'll look like
nancy regan, so just say no!">

I have been this long in the glove compartment I am bound to have pets 
on me. Loads of them. Has anybody got bug spray?
I cannot exactly recall how I ended up in the compartment. Last thing I 
remember is taking a puff of catnip. That's why there aren't any catnip 
mice around. I think I had a conversation with Elvis before he left the 
bus, but it could also have been Jim Morrisson. It's all a bit 
blurry. But this lizard here has kept me company for some time now.

Wow, we need to get you some bug spray, some allergy medicine, and some
morphine!

Such a brave soul, waiting for us!  But, didn't you have anything else to do?

        *beep*  morphine administered

Dude... can I get one of those with caffeine in it instead?

2-liter bottles turned upside down make a wonderful caffeine IV drip...

so instead of a beer hat, we need caffine hats, with straws?

I kinda like the idea of portable pop cannisters, rather than oxygen?  On
little carts you can drag behind you

or we could get slaves...

Hmm... Slaves good, I hate having to tote things and the cart would get 
annoying.

"Design a Slave"  Sounds like a good product to me.  Did you ever watch the
Tick cartoon?  They had a mad scientist who made "Man In A Can".  You sprayed
them out, they were there in speedo shorts, and went "Hup" all the time. 
After a while, they just disolved.

But where on earth would we put your ice supply?  One stack for frozen drinks,
one stack for pop, and one stack for chewing...

Coleman cooler in a wagon that your slave pulls.  Duh.  =)

we are making it easy for the slaves?  What's the fun in that?

They last longer that way...

Ooooooooooooo.

and?

<carson stands by the road, twitching, unsure if it's because of the
weather, the uncertainty of getting on the bus again, or the brain
damage from the LAST time he "got off" the bus>

<the driver pops a wheelie with the bus to entice the passenger by the road
to get on...he looks unsure and vaguely paranoid and smells of canada, but
she lures him on with copies of a special former illegal newspaper from his
youth that she still has and prises above many other things>

Welcome aboard!

What I have been doing?
Tripping clealry.
Everybodu knows the whole idea behind isloation tanks where you can 
float on very salted water. I provides you whole new views and entirely 
new perspective on the world.
And ... (looks sheepishly) ... I couldn't get out. it's a one way lock 
and you can only open it from the outside.
(Stretches)

The concept of slaves clearly points towards big muscled guys in 
speedos. Fortunately I don't apply for that. (Looks at his own slender 
frame)

Well, they have to have lots of muscles if they're going to carry the 
things we want them to... (like us if the bus breaks.. <smirks>)

<sits up a bit and looks out the window and waves to the fuzzy-faced 
passenger to be> Oh would you get on the bus already?  We need you as a 
fourth for Euker. (how *do* you spell that word?)

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss