So... this is the friendship conference.. But I'm hearby expanding
it to cover other types of relationships....

Sp... What do you do when a romance ends? Some of you who know me may
know what I'm entering this particular item... 

How and when do you know it's time to move on?  Do you give yourself
a 'mourning' period before looking for someone new?  Or are you more the
type to just jump into a nother relationship?  How do you know when your
heart has healed enough to move on honestly? 

97 responses total.

        There are no hard and fast rules.

        The most devastating breakup I've ever been through, on the long side
of five or six years ago, I recovered from in about two weeks.  The woman I
started dating immediately thereafter had a friend who thought it was
"disrespectful" that I'd started so soon after breaking up with someone I'd
lived with for nine months;  I don't know whether she thought my ex- was
disrespectful for not waiting three days.

        The question is:  are you happy with who you are right now?  If not,
or if you can improve yourself, then work on that ... and the rest just
happens of it's own accord.

Exactly. In my view it's just plainly too simple to jump into another 
fling/infatuation/love/relationship when things with the current one 
don't work out as they should. The existing relationship might very well
 be worth saving by finding means to solve/restore things. OK, I'm not
the breaking up kind. Any intention is to fight for things,  but maybe
that's induced by conservatism or possissiveness towards the  SO. In
anyway it is a thing you have to find out for yourself. Is your 
relationship worth fighting for? If not, well... The amount of mourning,
I think depends on the person and what party you  are in the mourning
(the one breaking up or the one been broken up with) As for me: my ex (I
still consider her such) broke up with me eight  years ago and it took
me the better of two yeras to recover from it (she  was the love of my
life, at least up to this day). First I threw myself  in one niight
stands in search of intimacy, which I couldn't find in  these short
encounters. After a while I stopped doing that. After some  short
relationships things stopped altogether. I never met anybody I  would
fall inlove with, so to say. But, as we stand, next 20th February  I
will be on a hot date. Both of us got feelings for each other, but  none
of us are truly brave enough yet to take the final step.

        You should be on the look-out for needing to get into something right
away because your life doesn't seem purposeful or validated without it.  Other
than that, it's YOUR life!

Geez.
Sometimes my own openness astounds even me.

In general openness is a good thing. :)  I find it much easier to be
open when I'm online, because I don't have to necessarily deal with the
same kind of result as I might get in person, especially if
I doubt that I will ever meet the person I'm speaking to, in real life.
things that might be embarassing when told in person, can be told online
because they can't actually see you... a kind of annonyminity...(Is
that a word?) even amongst people you've talked to for a really long 
time.

        For me, it's the reverse.

        I mean, I won't be as concerned about talking openly with people who
lurk about in party (or people who read back or grep through logs in party)
because I don't see them, but there are a lot of things that I don't discuss
online.  Unless absolutely forced to.  I prefer even a telephone conversation
to being online;  although being online gives me the time to compose my
thoughts better, it's like missing half of the words in a conversation, and
trying to piece it back together.

Openness is my middle name (well, in fact it isn't, but you'll 
understand). One who deals with me, will have insight into much of my 
inner being. It has always been that way, whether online, telephone or 
face to face.

Some things are easier to discuss in person, some things are easier
online- or on the phone, in my mind.  That might have something to do
with the fact that if I think about it for two seconds what I write
can be a lot more eloquent, and closer to what I mean then if I'm speaking.
Of course, half the time I just blurt out what I'm thinking, on the
kayboard or in person. <grins>  I'm not all that eloquent then.. Guess
I'll have to go back to Ireland and kis that Blarney Stone again... 
it didn't work the first time.

Yeah it did....you're full of Blarney.....*HUG*

I'm open...probably more than anybody ever wanted for me to be, but...heh!

Not an end but a new romance in my life! I am jubilant!
Whoohoo!
Life can be so f**n great at times.

Oooh.. Rick has a romance?  Tell! <grins>

Congratulations!  Do say more...

We want to live vicariously through you. :)

Well, she is named Nathalie (God I love that name, always have), she is 
blond, about 1.73 meters tall, slim and sexy. Oh, and she lives the 
jetset life of a yuppie. How in earth could she fancy a librarian like 
me? (Because I am so goodlooking? grin). We have been emailing for 4 
months before we decided to meet. Last weekend we met again and she came
 over to have dinner at my place, so I prepared a lovely Greek meal 
consisting of various dishes. (I can cook very well, ya know). Later 
that evening I revealed my feelings and they were mutual, we became an 
item. Haven't slept much that night (wink). Now I am walking through the
clouds and undoubtedly grinning like an  idiot all the time.

        Right on ... did you meet her online?

Congrats Rick. :) <huggles>

Yet another indication of why we men should learn to cook too :)

Well.. I can't cook... So I definitely need a man who can. <grins>

it's not that hard to do.
One main ingredient to make people fall for you is adding loads of love.
See, when I started living in my co-op I didn't even know how to break 
an egg. Things can change, and the only thing to learn is just by doing 
it.

Well, I suppose that I should say I don't want to cook. <grins>
Theoretically I know how, and I do make certain things... I would
just rather not have to.  But I'll wash dishes after without whining.

So if we would ever ever wind up with each other, the roles are set ;)

Hmm... sounds good to me. :) Problem... where would we live? <grins>

He could send food over on the Concorde, and you could fed-ex the clean dishes
back to him.

Dutch politics is known for policies of consensus, so we meet half way.
(Hope Atlantis still exists)

Rick- or do six months one place, six months the other... Would that count
as meeting half way?  Cause I don't know about you... but I wouldn't
wanna be sleeping with the fishes quite yet. ;)

<laughs>

Sleeping with fishes
dances with wolves
howling with moons
purring with cats
it's all the same.
But that kind of vompromise though, makes more sense.
Shame is that my new lover will not agree.

Ah well, I seem to be having poor luck lately... <shrugs and grins>

        And you said he's sleeping with a FISH!

<ssshhh>  Don't let on. ;)

People can be so possesive...

Well... yeah. <laughs>  Specially women who have found someone they
would like to keep around. ;)

I'm rather possesive.  :)

        Oh, crimeney, I get posessive of my friends too.

I'm posseve of my friends, my boyfriends, anything.  Part of it, though, is
probably just my large mommy instinct. :)

<grins>  I'm rather possessive myself... gee, who woulda thunk it?

Now, when you (either of you) say possessive of friends... What do you
mean?

        I mean they're mine.  Gimme.

Didn't your mommy teach you to share?  

<is reminded of a discussion of how her friends are possessive and
giggles>

Blaming others being selfish while being selfish enough
to blame others that they don't want to share with others?
The selfishness is this: gimme some too!
(only kidding Anne ;)

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