ok...since I am new, I will enter a new item...
I have a lot of people that I know, but I have very few friends.  While I 
am friendly with a lot of people, my true friends are limited.  Any of you
who make the same distinction?  What makes a true friend for you and what 
keeps a person in the realm of aquaintance?

39 responses total.

I do the same thing.  All throughout high school i only had 3 "friends"
even tho i was friendly with many other people.  I have more friends
in college, but i still have the distinction between friend and 
people i'm friendly with.  
The main distinction i have is how much the people put up with me.
I expect a friend to listen to all my troubles, and I would do the
same for them.  But i dont expect that from and aquaintance.
I also think of my friends first, when i want to go out or do something.
There's more, but i cant express it right now.

   I think that it is very easy to "like" people, but is much more 
difficult to truly care for someone.   That takes an emotional commitment.
If you care for someone and what happens to them as much as or more than you
about yourself, then you are a true friend.  True friends stand by you, and
most importantly they never let what anyone else thinks change their 
opinion of you.

    Acquaintances can be very easy to come by, anybody you meet walking down
the street or in grex with its party conf, can be one.  But true friendships
are rare and should be cherished.

    What can be just as painful as anything is when you want to be a true
friend to someone and its not reciprocated.

Thanks *chuckle* that is just the kind of thing I was looking for!  I agree
with you, kerouac, it can be pretty painful if you really try to be a friend
and and then find out that the other thinks of you as just an aquaintance.
While I have many aquaintances, I only have 2 friends...so far!  I hope to
change that, but we'll see...

i'm sortof the same way...i've got (actually at this point, quite a few)
friends,but i mostly tend to be just friendly to the rest of the world.

I think it has been said before (I know it has actually) but Anne is my
BEST friend of all.  She has been through it all with me.  She will be there
forever (I hope)

But as for other friends, I try and be a friend to everyone.  not many people
get on my nerves.  But there are a few.  I have tried to keep in touch with my
friends from high school.  They were a VERY important part of my life...I mean
they taught me how to play euchre!  <heh...you know who youare!!!!>

I have very few aquaintences, and more friends.  if I loose touch with a
person, then I am sad.t(  But on the other hand, I am a bit too forgiving, and
people can walk all over me, and I forgive them, for fear of loosing a friend. 
It is a dangerous thing....

Friends can be hard to come by... I am friendly with many many people, or
at least I try to be.  But I have a hard time letting people get too
close to me for fear of getting hurt.  Right now I feel really lucky to
have so many people that I can truly call friend.  Sun and I have been 
friends forver, and we will be (don't worry sunny, we've made it this
long without doing each other permanent bodily harm.... ;)  )

Just wait kerouac :)

I suppose sun, that one must learn who simply not to trust.  Even some
of my best friends I choose not to tell them certain things, simply because
they are prone to gossip. It doesn't make them bad people, it's just incovenien
t when there's certain things you don't want people to know. I'm sorry
to say I have only one friend who know's when to keep their mouth shut, but
that doesn't really make her any better that my other friends.

I suppose the difference between friends and acquaintences (or one of them)
is the things which keep you together, what you have in common.  I knew
someone who I always used to eat lunch with, and we'd get
along capitally.  When she went on a diet though and stopped eating there,
it's like we no longer had anything in common.  If it's something rather
petty and insignificant that keeps you taking to each other, and nothing really
concrete, and the slightest change erases it completely, then chances are you
aren't really friends. 
Also friends know how much the other can put up with.  I know of someone that I
have known since high school, but she still doesn't know--or chooses to
ignore--how much I can truly tolerate.  This is beyond giving someone the
benefit of the doubt because they are your friends.  One has to know when 
enough is enough. If they can gice you that, then just how much of a friend 
are they. My guess is you're just convenient for him or her to be there when
they need you.  I sort of sad really . . .Especially when you outgrow your
friends.  The more you mature, the more irriatating your less mature friends
tend to become, if the growning up they ha have to do should've been done a
LONG LONG time ago.

I'd have to throw in and agree with kerouac and freida...
Trying to be a friend and not have it reciprocated can truly suck...

yeah.. I know you try to get along and be someone`s friend have them just
ignore you is a pain...

<birdlady shivers at the cold front>
I just say "to hell with 'em" if they don't reciprocate.  That used to hurt
me deeply since I'm a nice person by nature, but I can't stand being hurt if
I don't deserve it.  

Or how about those "friends" who only call when they need something from you?

those aren`t friends or aquaitences freida...they`re relatives....

i have had problems with people wanting to be more friendly than I want to be
so I want to say from the other side of the situation mentioned in #8-10, that
it can be hard to let someone know that you don't really want to be their
friend when they seem to be desperate for freindship, without hurting them.
You can try so hard not to hurt them and they just get hurt more.

Exactl, Adania. I understand what you are saying. I've learned, as
twisted as it seems, that being up front, while brutal, is often
the most effective. Of course, making sure that you have
read the situation right first is important..... Else you 
end up looking pretty egotistical and embarrassed... : )

TYeah, the problem is when you think you have been completely up-front and 
explained yourself perfectly and you find out that it was all wither either
completely ignored or was not understood. /..

several months later...
I have a similar situation in my single's group at church. Some of the people
can be the most two-faced people you ever met; others are just down right rude
and ignore you. I joined the group not expecting anything from anybody. I was
pleasantly surprised with some of the people who are my friends now. Others
reinforced the two-faced and rudeness factors. I know to avoid these people
and don't let them get to me. I know not to go out of my way for them because
I know they wouldn't for me. Luckily, not everybody in the group is in
two-faced and/or rude, but certain people who aren't so prevalent now made
new comers feel very unwelcome. At least some of us stuck it out anyway, and
now the group is evolving away from those people.

Two faced people really make the world a difficult place.
But without them, would we really truly appreciate those that aren't?

        I've seen some pretty shallow people in my day, but I think the
shallowest of them still has the capacity to differentiate between people that
they get along with and friends.  Anyone who wants to keep a job has to - you
can't be friends with everyone you work with, but you have to get along well,
be able to eat and joke with, at least a majority of them.  

I see two-facedness as someone who you don't necessarily work with but know
through something (e.g., church, class, etc.). They will say one thing like
I really like that shirt you are wearing. And then you hear them say to
another, Don't you hate that shirt so-and-so is wearing. I know a lot of woman
that do this, esp. when it comes to other women. They are all sweet and polite
to males, but the claws come out with other females.

        Theres a tendency to have two hearts and two minds when it comes to
anything that one has strong emotions about ... despicable hman quality, that
... like anyone famous who has the ability to transcend social conventions
that we do not agree with - people generally admire and empathize with the
struggle and the success they have met, but as they have not done so for
themselves, they are also envious of their success.

Interesting perspective, Jazz....
   People who are two-faced, in my opinion, have one of two reasons for what
they are doing. They either think they will gain something from it, or they
are doing it because they are jealous of something.

        Heh.  When I'm deliberately two-faced it's for other reasons ... trying
to be nice because I *want* to me nice, to someone I'd much rather pummel,
ferinstance.  But that's just the positive stuff. :)

I consider that just be civil, not necessarily being two faced.

Okay. I guess I just don't really grasp the concept of deliberate
two-facedness. 

I see it all the time. It suck..

I can grasp the concept of it, I just don't like it.

Alright, I can grasp it. I don't like it, and I cannot grasp how one would
justify it.

who can morgaene unless you have been through  it.  i think what makes people
be two sided is their attempt in trying to gain power or they just want you for
something.  But who knows what a person actually wants.  

Most people don't know what they want.

        I know what I want, but this planet's temporarily out of stock ...

        Seriously.

I don't know what I want, but I know how
to get it
(Sex Pistols)

Ack.

If you met someone and hit it off and got along well, that is enough to call
them an acquaintance.  But friendship usually takes more time, effort and
shared interests to keep it going.

I met a lot of people in college that I called friends and later proceeded
to lose touch with most of them after graduation.  Sometimes I wish I hadn't
opened myself up so much, because it hurts.  But you never know sometimes who
will turn out to be a true friend, and I'd take the chance again to gain the
true friends I now have.

        I have a tougher time keeping ahold of a lot of people that I *want*
to keep ahold of.  

Yeah, sometimes that's hard too.  Luckily these days there's e-mails and I've
found that people's e-mails are less likely to change than their s-mail
address.  Back in the old days, if you wrote to someone, it would be two weeks
later before the letter is returned with a note that the person had moved and
left no forwarding address.

I can even tell, that in one case it was six months!
(ok, return mail from India)

Which is why people from India just call and lead to horrendous phone bills.
I know.  One of my friends is fron India and shares a townhouse with three
other people from India.  They're monthly phone bill is frightening.

My sister lives in Washington *the state* and I live in Michigan. We use AOL
to chat. :)

Gee, and I thought my twinbrother and lived far apart (this proves
not so very clearly).

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