Watch Geraldo...Watch Oprah, watch Rikki Lake...

People are getting married after meeting on the 'net.  Yes, there
are just mailing lists, but still...is there loveo n the net?

Can you fall in love with someone you never saw?

<this is a restart of brighn's item...trying to get back on track>

160 responses total.

You can, and if you do I think you're living in fantasy.
When we haven't actually met someone we can build up a lot of 'dreams'
about them that can be shattered when we finally meet them.
It's not a question of looks, it's a question of really KNOWING
someone in a way that is necessary for an intimate relationship.
I think you're on dangerous ground when you make major choices
based solely on words exchanged.  It's not enough.  Not in my
eyes.

I think rikki lake is cool because my real good friend who moved
had a sister who looked EXACTLY like rikki lake. Wow.

I fell in love with someone on the net. Actually, just out of luck, one day,
a newbie chatted me. Annoyed, I went in, and we began talking. I came out 
maybe 5 hours later with someone who had like a million things in common 
with me, and was my age. She didn't live so far away either. ok, 50 miles, but
that's not so bad. And she was coming to ann arbor the next week. I decided to
meet her. After I met her, she sent me a letter about how much she liked me,
before I got a chance to send her a letter about how much I liked her. Rejec-
tion is a LOT easier on the net. But we decided that it was all good and began
seeing each other as much as we could which was maybe every other weekend,
which was fine with me. Then, things began to fall apart. The distance was
getting to both of us, and she had a real problem with...ohh...its a long
story. Anyway its over now, and I'm really very upset about it. The weirdest
thing is, it  was my first relationship ever. I'm not off to a good start.

Sorry Alex...

Well, I agree...the distance can be a help and a hinderance
at the same time.  It can mask things that you REALLY wouldn't want to
know about the person, but the again, you don't get to see much of that
person and that is frustrating...

We talked tonight, me and my ex. She told me she loved me, but that I was
just "infatuated" with her. That hurts. A lot...and because I really needed
to talk to her, I left another friend of mine to do so, and now, apparently,
my other friend wants nothing to do with me, though I tried to explain it to
my other friend...
Things can really be a pain in my ass sometimes (sorry about the swearing guys
but this happened all of 10 minutes ago, and I'm REALLY upset)

Don 't worry about it Alex, I understand... 

I may add my feelings about this later.

My feelings are, it causes lots of problems, and has made my life a living 
hell.
I want it to stop.

Here are my funky feelings about this:

Through several tries at it in my younger years and other people's words, I 
have learned to shy away from the love handles of the internet. I dunno, it is
great for meeting people you otherwise wouldn't have, but sometimes I just 
think there is more to be said of a hug and a kiss given in person rather than
one over the good old putie because you're so far away that is the only way
you CAN hug...
However, internet friendships can be built strong enough to bridge gaps from
ocean to ocean....I just don't know about a relationship...

Yeah, neither do I.

It could be a start, though... I wouldn't know anybody in Ann Arbor, were it
not for the InterNet, and I wouldn't know some of the people I know in my
own town if not for Grex.

I personally know three couples who met and later married through the 'net at
muniversity. One was a disaster and ended in divorce (although a child came out
of it) One lasted three years and ended normally and with no regrets. One is
still going, and are probably the most happily married people I kknow outside
of my own family. I guess the message is that it depends of on the individuals
involved. There is a sense in which you only get a one-dimensional view of
people on computers, but it doesnt have to be any more superficial than life 
itself.   I think where it doesnt work is when people go overboard attaching
their own fantasy images to those they meet electronically. A major problem
thus is that people tend to think they know after a  while their "computer
mates" better than they really do.

My experience is that the 'net is a great way to socialize if you accept it
for what it is and if you accept that the person you are typing to is
a complex individual whom it will take more time to know than you think.

"If you think this relationship was too easy to get into, than it probably
was...there is nothing easy about love" KEROUAC (Richard W)

What do you mean by "ended normally" when referring to a marriage?  Is the
normal end of a marriage something that has changed significantly in the
last few decades?

I dunno, the more I think about it, the less i think our relationship's 
break up ACUTALLY had to do with the net, and the more I think it was just
a clash of personalities.

Distance in a relationship can be a big strain, as can differences.  My
only real relationship so far, a year and a half ago, was with somebody in
Canton, about 20 miles from Ann Arbor.  She didn't drive, and I didn't
have a car very often, so we were lucky to be able to see eachother even
once a week.  Moreover, although my parents were nice enough not to say
anything, her parents were beginning to hastle her about the long distance
phone bill.  And, looking back on it, I realize that we didn't even have
that much in common.  Needless to say, it didn't last that long.  I was
pretty devistated when she broke up with me, but with time I got over it. 
We even went through a period of being pretty good friends, before we sort
of gradually grew apart.  We still talk if we run into eachother, which
happens occasionally (we have some of the same friends), but I think we're
more aquantences than friends at this point.  I have very fond memories of
that relationship, not because I wish it were still going on, but because
it was a fun time and a great learning experience, and I think I'm a
better person because of it.

Wow...that was awful depressing to read...
its hard to think that I'll just be "aquantances" with her.

        Oh, you can fall in love on the net, all right. It can feel wonderful,
and it can be, emtionally, just what you and the other person need right then.
        Of course you can't let all that make you reckless. If you can't ever
feel comfortable with meeting your love, then you had better make that damn
clear, up front. I have always tried mt best to do this, and I will continue
to do so. Anything less is grossly unfair to your net-love.
        If any of you find this to be odd, I'm sorry, but this is an absolute
necessity for me. Better this than being deceptive about how far I will take
a net-based relationship.
        As for those who marry people they meet on the net, sight unssen...
I can think of nothing more careless, more ignorant that you can DO with
your love-life!

I was just reminded of a news item a heard about a year or two ago about these
two guys who were suing this female user of some board because they had flirted
for more than a year and gotten serious and it turned out the girl was a guy p
the girl was a guy pretending to be a girl....

It just goes to show that there is a certain amount of blind faith involved in
any computer socializing.  And if these guys were emotionally attracted to this
guy pretending to be this girl, how much did sex really have to do with it?

Could it be that what bonds people has little to do with sex and physical
things and and that computers prove that continually when people fall for otehr
 users without ever having actually seen them      KEOURAC

People fill in a lot of gaps when they're talking over a computer.
Sometimes you can make BIG jumps in reality.
Just out of curiousity... you'd think if a realtionship was getting 
truly serious you'd want to make plans to talk on the phone or eventually
meet.  If you don't a 'relationship' really just doesn't have any
meaning.

It is too easy to be someone else on here. the temptation to be something other
than your self is to great.alot of people get on here to be someone else and 
escape thier own lives for awhile.if you are comrortable with who you are and
you don`t need  to hide behind a mask.it is nice to meet people you talk to on
here i make it a point to let every one know that they are welcome here if in
my area.I would like to meet more of you guys.As for falling in love it is
noice to get lots of attention ie hugs and kisses but everyone should be real
carefull about carrying it over to real time that could be dangerous. be honest
do you really know that much about the people you talk to on here trake me as
an example all anyone really knows about me is in my plan or what i tellthem on
here,could i be lieing/ well i`m not lieing it serves no purpose for me to lie
to everyone.i would much rather everyone get to know me as me.the phone number
in my plan is correct and you can call me to find out if you want.or just ask
carson! damn i didn`t mean for this to be so long, thanik you

Word to your mother.

I didn`t realize that i was that bad of a typist i`m sorry!!

Don't worry Jack.  We still love you.
Have a nice day.

I have adopted a Vampire personna for the drfuzzy cf, but else where i'm 
just my usual self.

This is the wrong place to post that.

hummmmmm.... I didn`t think so,maybe i was wrong?

This item.

I think that it is based of trust (getitng back on the subject)...er..on
trust.  I have met about 50 off the net that I didn't know before grex...
and I have gotten attackhed to the...I mean, you guys ARE my friends...
I think one of the things that I like about Grex, more than anyother system 
is that we have a more...user friendly way of doing things...

I act like me on Grex, and I trust that you will act like you REALLY are, 
gender and all, and that is why I ot into a fight with this guy Drucula
awhile ago..he just thought of this as a joke, a mud, not a system wehre
people really are people.  I like meeting you guys off the net...I invite
you to my place, and I get together, and I send cards, and e-mail....

I think of this is my friends, and also kindof a family...If there is 
trust, then I think that real relationships can be formed, if not love
(for true love, yes, I think you do need to see them in person, but if
there is no physical tensoin, you can find more out about a person, than
you would if you said "Well, he looks different, I am not goin to get to
know him")

But all it takes is one person to not understand that this is serious and
abuse it (like age, gender, place, or just faking a personality) to make
you wonder fi people CAN really care over the net!

Well now, new announcements in this whole netrelationship I have.
The significant other in this whole thing has gone apeshit.
Thank you.

apeshit?

Bananas

pooh bear!!!

Well...very very crazy.

Are you just realizing this Alex?

My self, I have never seen any of you since *most* of you go to 
U of M and I'm way down here in S.W. Michigan. Even so, I feel that
I have made a lot of friends (I hope this feeling isn't unwarranted) 
on grex strictly by what I see on the screen. When you think of it,
it is almost the only way to get to know somebody without any
subjective interference (umm.. did I say that right?). Well, you
get my drift, anyway.

...uhh... yeah...

I believe the only way a relationship acn work is with honesty and
communication.  Those people who are honest have very wonderful relationships. 
It also has to do with expectations.  When we have the image of who we want
people to be we set them up 


and what you do after meeting them is up to you.  I would like to meet lots
more grexers.  I know I will have a different job next year and I will not have
grex access.  I do not loook forward to that because I do have friends here.

Yeah, I am.

I keep getting my entries hacked up. When we have expactations for people to
meet we often set them up for failure.  People can only be who they are and not
who we want them to be.  I know when I am on I am no different than I am in   
life.  I would like to talk to and meet more grexers off the net.  I also think
I must respect the privacy of those on grex who do not want to meet grexers   
off the net.  I think grex is a way to meet people.  I think that quality time
is what makes a friendship.  I have lots of friends on grex.  I will not have
access after may I do not look forward to that because I cannot talk to many
people that are my friends from grex.

Zuber, i believe you are right on several points!  

First ,i would like to say that i can talk to people on grex about stuff i
can't tell my own mother, or best friend!  The people here actually care about
a person and show it!.  for example, mittens, she helped me sort some things
that have happened to me over this past weelend.  i don't know how to say THANK
YOU enough to her.

Second, i think people should be honest about themselves with the inform
ation they give out because i believe i tell people how i want to be treate
and how they do teh same to me.
But that is ideal and i knbow people in this life will do anything
to get friends and keep them.  they put on a different mask to escape life
for a while but after a while they have to go back and face reality!

Third, Grex is like a family to me.  i have made so many friends from
here that i would liek to meet but the distance is the problem for me.
i feel i can talkto you better because you are  not involved and can give
better opions about stuff.  

i am gettign quite long and didn't plan on getting this long!

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss