I come from generations of farmers on my father's side.  Perhaps that is
why, when spring arrives, when the birdies sing their blessed heads off
every morning, when the earth awakens from its months of slumber --
perhaps that is why the urge awakens in me at this season to go out, to
nurture my own small plot of ground.  It is therefore appropriate, at
this same season, to renew a long tradition:

           The Lawn Care Diary of "Doctor Straight"

172 responses total.

Two weekends ago, the first mowing of the lawn, close-cropped, almost
scalped.  Next, an application of fertilizer with "Halts" crabgrass
inhibitor.  (Crabgrass was bad last season, have to do something.  Gotta
catch the crabgrass before it germinates -- timing of the application is
all-important.  Do it while the forsythia trees are in yellow blossom,
before they start to drop their petals.)

Last weekend, another mowing, leaving it longer this time (2.5"),
followed a couple of days later by a ritual application of

            GRANDMA PUTT'S SPRING LAWN TONIC

               1 cup epsom salts
               1 cup ammonia
               1 cup Listerine (tm) mouthwash
               1 cup liquid dish soap
               1 cup beer

Mix well, pour into a hose-end sprayer, and apply over the entire lawn. 
Your lawn will love you for it!  (And of course, finish off the
remaining beer in the can yourself.  Waste not, want not.)

The odor of Listerine (tm) hung over the neighborhood for hours.

What does Listerine do, kill the parazite bugs while the grass is still weak?

It odorizes the neighborhood.

:)

Well, I'm not sure what the Listerine (tm) does.  My guide in these
things, Jerry Baker's book _The Impatient Gardener_, isn't real strong
on reasons.  Figures his readers are too impatient to put up with
them, I guess.

yeah, not the sort of folks to let any grass grow under their feet...

We have the only lawn in the neighborhood with a "head".

This response has been erased.

Grandma Puttered around the garden.

Having a lawn myself, I would like to know if remmers has actually tried this
stuff and what the results were. I don't like to use chemicals because the lawn
is usually inhabited by various children, dogs, and the like. Beer, listerine,
and whatnot, I think that they should be able to cope with.

Give your dog (or kid) a beer-and-Listerine cocktail!

I think remmers has been using it for some time.

Alcohol will stimulate seeds to germinate.
If you apply alcohol to an area before you plant seedlings, the weeds will
sprout and you can turn them under.

Re 10, 12:  Yep, this is my lawn care diary item, so everything 
described I've actually done.  The Grandma Putt tonic I've been using
for nearly 10 years.  'Course, I've never really done a controlled
scientific study of its effects, so I can't say I know for a fact
how much good it does.  It probably wouldn't cut it as a *replacement*
for things like fertilizer; it's more of a supplement.  And it doesn't
appear to do any harm.

Some will be disappointed to learn that I also use Weed-N-Feed
(fertilizer + herbicide) in sections of the lawn where the weeds are
particularly bad.  My hope is that I can phase this out as the grass
builds up thickness that crowds out weeds.  I think I'm mostly there
in a couple of sections of the lawn, but the rest still needs work.

I read recently about a woman who swears by her Geritol as plant food in
the garden.  Says it does wonders for the plants and as an added bonus,
tastes/smells icky to small herbivorous beasties.

Dunno.  That's what she said.

As far as commercial fertilizers go, I recommend Ringer Lawn Restore. 
They claim it is environmentally sound, and it has made my neglected
lawn look better.  The only drawback is that it's kind of expensive.
Target is selling 25 lbs (good for 2500 sq ft) for $17.

Hmm, seems I've been neglecting this item.  To continue my diary:

Since I last responded, I've given the lawn a couple more doses of
fertilizer and another Grandma Putt treatment.  In addition, I
planted some new grass seed to try to fill in some bare patches
in the front yard.

Generally, I'm quite pleased with the results.  The grass has come
in thick and healthy-looking, far better than last year (our first
year in this house).  So far no crabgrass, so maybe the crabgrass
treatment in the spring has worked.

There was a brief respite from the rain a few days ago, so I took
advantage of the opportunity to give the lawn its annual dose of
Grandma Putt's SUMMER Lawn Tonic.  Actually, the only difference
between that and the spring tonic recipe is that it's heavier on
the beer and lighter on the liquid soap.  So my lawn got treated
to two full cans of Miller's High Life.  I hope it appreciated
it.

The treats I give it combined with the unusual quantity of rain
this year has resulted in the lawn growing like there was no
tomorrow.  It needs to be mowed every three days at a time of year
when I can normally get by with once a week.

The next scheduled Putt treatment is the Fall Tonic, featuring
TOBACCO JUICE!

I was looking at a recent photo of our front yard and one taken
early in the spring of 1991, when we'd been in the house only a
few months.  The contrast is striking.  Last year, the lawn was
light green, thin and scraggly-looking.  This year, it's thick and
a deep green color.  I guess this stuff actually works, although
the cool, wet weather we've been having has undoubtedly helped too.
It's now August and the grass is growing at spring rates of speed;
have to mow it twice a week.

 Well, that's probably the only *good* use for Miller beer. UGH.

i understand it's also great for killing slugs.

Well, the 1994 lawn care season has begun, so maybe it's time to
revive this item.

I've mowed a few times, given the lawn a dose of Milorganite (a.k.a.
"activated sewage sludge" -- the distilled waste products of the city
of Milwaukee) which has turned it a nice deep green and caused it to
grow faster as well.

The front yard has some bare spots which i'm attempting to patch with
grass seed, but otherwise it looks pretty good.  The back is excessively
weedy, so it'll be Weed-B-Gone time soon.

I've gotten a bag of Ringer Lawn Restorer fertilzer per Dan R's
recommendation and will be trying that out.  And soon it will be
time for Grandma Putt's Spring Grass Tonic.

I am going to give in to social pressure (none directly applied, but
implicit), and hit the lawn for the first time in five years with
toxic weed killer, to murder the dandelions, and poison everything
that walks on it for a few days, and contaminate the Huron River with
the run off. But, what's gotta be done, has gotta be done.....

Ah, to 2-4 D or not to 2-4 D, that is the question.

I try to use the toxic stuff sparingly, but the back yard has gotten
so weedy that I think I'll have to use some there this year.  In the
front yard, I have been having fun extracting dandelions by hand.

Finished giving the lawn the Ringer Lawn Restorer treatment yesterday
(Sunday 5/16); the rain later in the day was perfectly timed, as the
instructions say to water the lawn after applying the fertilizer, to
"activate" it.  Looks like we may have some more rain today, which is
all to the good.  It will save me some trouble.

I did the dirty deed last evening. Our house is surrounded by the
screams of dandelions in pain. NOAA says no rain for the next three
days or so, though I need it too, as I applied a "Weed and Feed". 
Has anyone invented a "dandelion extractor"? Say, a device that one
cocks, sets on the plant, and it strikes down and lifts out the
whole plant, root and all? I'd much rather dig out dandelions, if
it weren't such a 'pain'.

Rane, that's the NWS.  As I understand it, the NOAA is a separate
agency.

The NWS is an agency within NOAA (within USDI). I get my weather
reports from "NOAA Weather Radio" on 162.55 MHz, reporting from NWS,
Detroit.

Well we use 2-4D also, but we have a compromise. We apply it only as a
spot treatment for weeds. Of course if you have gone for years ignoring
them, and your entire lawn is full of weeds, you won't like this option.
(The use of "we" in the first sentence is mildly humorous, as my wife
actually does all the lawn work.)

Re #26:  A mechanical dandelion extractor would be nice.  In the
meantime, I just use this long metal thingy with a forked end that
you plunge into the ground next to the dandelion.  It loosens the
soil around the dandeloin so that you can extract the whole plant.

Isn't that pretty damn time consuming?

Yes, if you have a bazillion dandelions.  I've just had a few per day
in the front yard, so it hasn't been so bad.

Seems like the maintenance people around here just let them eat up the lawn.
I guess they think they are flowers or something.

I think they are beautiful. The ride along Eisenhower is stunning.
Then, they go to seed. A metaphor for people, perhaps. Maybe that's
why they aren't more appreciated - too close to the bone.

Hmm. well beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I don't think they are ugly, myself....
Actually I don't really care, but apparently some people view them as only
weeds.  Not the maintence people around my apartment, however.

A field of dandelions in bloom is a lovely sight indeed.  Viewed from
afar, that is.  Close up, the leaves are ugly, and after the dandelions
go to seed, that's all that's left, unfortunately.  So not in *my*
yard, thank you.

The back yard got the Weed-B-Gon treatment yesterday evening.  Today,
the cat stays in (under protest).

Generally, I'm pleased with the way the lawn looks this year, especially
in the front, where it's thick and green.

We have weeds:  Lots of weeds.  I don't like them but am not willing to
kill them off with some weed killer.  Me and the kils like to roll around
on the lawn too much.  You can't call ourr lawn a mono-culture!  (Chem
-lawn came by a few years ago and left a survey card on our door knob.
We had every weed on the card checked off.)

You could probably get your lawn on one of the local nature tours.

Perhaps.  My wife is slowly turning it all into a giant garden.  Fine
with we!

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss