Put your items here that have some humorous twist due to language or word
considerations.

79 responses total.

Subject: Funny but true?!

The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as
Ke-kou-ke-la.  Unfortunately, the Coke company did not
discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that
the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse
stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect.  Coke then
researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close
phonetic equivalent,"ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely
translated as "happiness in the mouth."

In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive
with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring
your ancestors back from the dead."

Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan
"finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling
Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When
smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to
be free and empty."

When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South
America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it
won't go."  After the company figured out why it wasn't
selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish
markets to the Caribe.

Ford had a similar problem in Brazil when the Pinto
flopped.  The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang
for "tiny male genitals".  Ford pried all the nameplates off
and substituted Corcel, which means horse.

When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its
ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and
embarrass you."  However, the company mistakenly thought
the Spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass.  Instead the ads
said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the
Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit.  Instead of
the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed
"I Saw the Potato."

Chicken-man Frank Perdue's slogan, "It takes a tough man to
make a tender chicken," got terribly mangled in another
Spanish translation.  A photo of Perdue with one of his birds
appeared on billboards all over Mexico with a caption that explained
"It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused."

Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in French
Canada as Gros Jos before finding out that the phrase, in
slang, means "big breasts."  In this case, however, the
name problem did not have a noticeable effect on sales.

Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the
name of a notorious porno mag.

In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated
the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.

Japan's second-largest tourist agency was mystified when it
entered English-speaking markets and began receiving
requests for unusual sex tours.  Upon finding out why, the
owners of Kinki Nippon Tourist Company changed its name.

In an effort to boost orange juice sales in predominantly
continental breakfast eating England, a campaign was
devised to extoll the drink's eye-opening, pick-me-up
qualities.  Hence the slogan, "Orange juice.  It gets your pecker up."

I've seen #1, or something like it, before (and I don't mean just now
where albaugh entered it as a response in another cf). I have come to
suspect that some of those examples aren't what they seem and may only be
funny to us because of our naivity. I don't know idiomatic Chinese,
Japanese, Spanish, etc, but I know some idiomatic British, and the British
expression "Keep your pecker up" has no untoward meaning in England, where
it essentially means "Keep your nose up", hence "stay optimistic". If
something gets your pecker up, it makes you feel more optimistic or
enthusiastic. So, this is only "funny" to ignorant Americans, who have an
alternate (idiomatic)  meaning of "pecker". This is very similar to the
British expression "I'll knock you up tomorrow.", which just means "I'll
come by (or call)  tomorrow".  Ignorant Americans, however, interpret it
differently.  I wonder how many of the other examples are "innocent", but
just misunderstood by ignorant Americans?

Well, I can only comment on the Spanish ones, but "embarazar"
most definitely means "to make pregnant".  It does originally
come from the same Latin root as our own word "embarass", but
is never used that way now.  If you want to express embarassment
in Spanish, you say "I have shame".  (I was taught this in
high school, I'm shocked that none of the ad people realized
what they were saying.)

The word for Pope (Papa) is exactly the same as the word for
potato (papa) except for the capitalization.  That's probably
a very common typo in Spanish, and would only warrant a giggle
at most.

The problems with the Chevy Nova's name in Spanish are pretty
well known.  "No va" does indeed mean "It doesn't go".

My favorite mix-up for an international ad, though, has to be the
one for the dishwashing liquid (can't remember which, sorry) which
didn't use words at all.  On the left side of the billboard was
a sink filled with dirty dishes.  In the middle was a bottle of the
product.  On the right was a rack of clean dishes.  Can't possibly
be misinterpreted, right?  Well, this billboard was used in Israel, where
the national language is read - you guessed it - right to left.
Passers-by were quite confused as to how this product would make
their dishes dirty, and why anyone would want to do so...

Do we "scan" everything from left to right, because our language requires
this? Are there any normal circumstances where we conventonally scan from
right to left (or, the Israelis scan from left to right)? Are their meter
dials, speedometers, etc "reversed" too? I would imagine that since they are
a small society in a big left-to-right world, they must be used to 
scanning "in context", so maybe that sign would not really be a problem
for them. 

I don't know about Israeli car dashboards or the like, but I do know
that the art in Israeli comic books is *always* flipped on the vertical
axis, since that's the direction they read things in.  (For fun,
try reading a Japanese comic book and see how well any of it makes
sense until you realize that their panel layout is also done from
right to left, and that all English translations of Japanese comics
are also flipped along the vertical axis.)

I am curious about the cars, though.

I must take exception to the notion that it's only because Americans are
ignorant that they find some of the alternate meanings funny.  I will 
certainly agree that many (most?) Americans *are* ignorant/indifferent/etc.
re: foreign customs/matters/etc.  However, even if you're in the know, it
doesn't make something like "keep your pecker up" any less funny.

Another one of these from right here in our area:  When channel 4 news anchor
Mort Crim came to Detroit, they put up billboards around the area *and* in
Windsor with his picture and first name "Mort".  Recall that Canada is
ostensibly a bilingual nation.  And in French "mort" would be the word you'd
use to refer to something of the masculine gender being dead.  So francophiles
got a chuckle out of seeing a billboard announcing that someone was dead.  :-)

Then there are direct-translation errors similar to the Pepsi one, etc.  LOnng
ago I heard a story about the American gentleman traveling in Mexico who
asked a passer by; "Donde puedo cojer <sp?> un taxi?  (Lit., where am I able
to catch a taxi?)  The native looked a bit bemused and replied; "No se', en
 el [tailpipe] (I forget the name)?"-- "Cojer" is Mexican slang for "Take" in
the sense of screw or rape.  But then, I can't imagine naming a girl "Conchita"
although its literal meaning is "little shell".  It is generally used for
female genitalia.

Subject: A Study in Semantics and Syntax

Let's face it-English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant
nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English
muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't
the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that
you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a
bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you
call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps
you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a
play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on
parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and
wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while
quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as
hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are
absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a
sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone
who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all
those people who *are* spring chickens or who would *actually* hurt a
fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I
start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

All this sounds like Marketing 101 from about 20 years ago.  Still worth
a chuckle or two, but more illustrative of the problems of international
marketing when you try to extend the same promotion & product themes
to all countries.  Sometimes it works, but usually a lot of care must be
taken to make sure the product is perceived as intended.

These came to me via the CLOCKS mailinglist.

>CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n.  The act, when vacuuming,
>of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
>reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
>down to give the vacuum one more chance.
>
>DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.  To sterilize the piece of candy you
>dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
>remove all the germs.
>
>ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n.  A rescue vehicle which can only be seen
>in the rear view mirror.
>
>EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n.  Gangly people sitting in front of you
>at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
>
>ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n.  The actions of two people maneuvering for
>one armrest in a movie theater.
>
>ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n.  The mistaken notion that
>the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
>
>FRUST (frust) n.  The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
>onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
>finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
>
>LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.  Manhandling the
>"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
>to the 'illegal' side.
>
>PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n.  The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
>purpose is walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
>
>PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.  The affliction of dialing a phone number
>and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
>
>PUPKUS (pup' kus) n.  The moist residue left on a window after a dog
>presses its nose to it.
>
>TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.  The act of always
>letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
>you're only six inches away.
>
>

Are those Sniglets or something similar?

I hadn't heard that term before. Does it define a process of creating
new words?

In Rich Hall's head, I guess it does (isn't that who invented Sniglets?).
One of my favorites is "schlatwhapper" (spelling may not be quite right,
but close)--that roller shade that won't stay down: schlat! whap! whap! 
whap!  Or something like that...

The idea, I think, is that they're made-up terms for things that didn't
formerly have words to describe them.

Aquadextrous, adj.:
        Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
        with your toes.
                        -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

This response has been erased.

Subject: Chinese lessons


Dung On Mai Shu         I stepped in dog poop

Ai Bang Mai Ne          I bumped into the coffee table

Fat Ho                  An unattractively overweight hooker

Ar U Wan Tu             A gay liberation meeting

Chin Tu Fat             You need a face lift

Dum Gai                 A stupid male

Gun Pao Dar             An ancient Chinese invention

Hu Yu Hai Ding          We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive

Lao Ze                  Not very good

Lin Ching               An illegal execution

Moon Lan Ding           Great achievement of the US space Program

Ne Ahn                  An advertising light fixture

Shai Gai                A bashful male

Tai Ne Bae Be           A prematurely born infant

Tai Ne Po Ne            A small horse

Ten Ding Ba             Serving drinks to people

Wan Bum Lung            A person with T.B.

Yu Mai Te Tan           Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you

Wa Shing Kah            Cleaning your automobile?

Wai So Dim              Trying to save electricity?

Wai yu Shau Ting        There is no reason to raise your voice

An Anagram, as we all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing
or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.  
The following examples are quite astounding!

Dormitory        ==         Dirty Room
Evangelist       ==         Evil's Agent
Desperation      ==         A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code   ==         Here Come Dots
Slot Machines    ==         Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity        ==         Is No Amity
Mother-in-law    ==         Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms    ==         Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness    ==         Genuine Class
Semolina         ==         Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries == Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point  ==         I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes  ==         That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two  ==         Twelve plus one
Contradiction    ==         Accord not in it

This one's amazing: [From Hamlet by Shakespeare]

To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in
the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
||
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent
hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

Politicians:

George Herbert Walker Bush == Huge Berserk Rebel Warthog
George Bush                == He bugs Gore
Ronald Wilson Reagan       == A long-insane Warlord (or Insane Anglo warlord)
Ronald Reagan              == A darn long era
Leroy Newton Gingrich      == Yon Right-winger Clone
Margaret Thatcher          == That great charmer
The Conservative Party     == Teacher in vast poverty

And the grand finale:

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."
        -- Neil A.  Armstrong
||
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon!  
On to Mars!

(circa 03/27/96)

These are from the New York magazine competition where they asked competitors
to change *one* letter in a familiar non-English phrase and redefine it.

Harlez-vous francais?
        (Can you drive a French motorcycle?)

Ex post fucto
        (Lost in the mail)

Idios amigos
        (We're wild and crazy guys!)

Veni, VIPi, Vici
        (I came; I'm a very important person; I conquered)

J'y suis, J'y pestes
        (I can stay for the weekend)

Cogito Eggo sum
        (I think; therefore, I am a waffle)

Rigor Morris
        (The cat is dead)

Respondez s'il vous plaid
        (Honk if you're Scots)

Que sera, serf
        (Life is feudal)

Le roi est mort. Jive le roi
        (The King is dead.  No kidding.)

Posh mortem
        (Death styles of the rich and famous)

Pro Bozo publico
        (Support your local clown)

Monage a trois
        (I am three years old)

Felix navidad
        (Our cat has a boat)

Haste cuisine
        (Fast French food)

Veni, vidi, vice
        (I came, I saw, I partied)

Quip pro quo
        (A fast retort)

Aloha oy!
        (Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain you should never know)

Mazel ton!
        (Lots of luck)

Apres Moe, le deluge
        (Larry and Curly get wet)

Porte-Kochere
        (Sacramental wine)

Iic liebe rich
        (I'm really crazy about having dough)

Fui generis
        (What's mine is mine)

VISA la France
        (Don't leave chateau without it)

Ca va sans dirt
        (And that's not gossip)

Merci rien
        (Thanks for nothin')

Amicus puriae
        (Platonic friend)

L'etat, c'est moo
        (I'm bossy around here)

L'etat, c'est Moe
        (All the world's a stooge)

Someone who sent that to me a while back added her own favorite:
Cogito ergo spud
I think, therefore I yam.

OK, so it changed one character into 2 (or 2 into 3).

WILL 'MR. CAT POOP' CLEAN UP AT THE BOX OFFICE IN HONG KONG?
by Hal Lipper, Staff Reporter of the Wall Street Journal

HONG KONG -- When it comes to translating movie titles, not every name
will do.  So Hong Kong's movie distributors have created a cottage
industry to rename Hollywood titles for Chinese audiences.

"Major studios think up titles that are flat, boring and don't tell
audiences what movies are about," says Doinel Wu, who has spent more
than a decade renaming Western movies.  "We create titles that are more
straightforward."

Hence, the Cantonese title for the film biography "Nixon" is "The Big
Liar." .... Since many of Hong Kong residents don't know Fargo is a city in
snow-blown North Dakota, the movie "Fargo" became "Mysterious Murder in
Snowy Cream."  The words "snowy cream" are pronounced "fah go" in Cantonese.

The stakes are huge since English-language blockbusters dominate Hong Kong's
movie market and Chinese translations help sell the films to a wider audience.

Mr. Wu's title are touted as among the best in the business.  For the
arty thriller "The Professional," about a killer befriending an orphaned
girl, he concocted "This Hit Man Is Not as Cold as He Thought."

"The English Patient" was problematic.  Few Hong Kong residents knew of
the novel and marketers say a faithful translation, like "The Sick
Englishman," wouldn't have drawn audiences.  Mr. Wu's title, "Don't Ask
Me Who I Am," captured the story's mystery and passion.

"Good Will Hunting" was equally challenging.  Mr. Wu's Chinese title,
"Bright Sun, Just Like Me," uses characters to imply more than can be
said with words.  The first half alludes to the Chinese title for "Dead
Poet's Society," ("Bright Sun in Heavy Rain") which also starred Robin
Williams and was set at a school.  The second half denotes a movie for
young people who boldly do what they like.

"Titanic" and "Air Force One" needed no translation, distributors
decided.  ...  And some translations simply defy rationale.  The Hong Kong
title for "As Good As It Gets," a comedy about a mean-spirited novelist,
is "Mr. Cat Poop."  Its distributor declined comment.


Edited from The Wall Street Journal,
Monday, April 13, 1998
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
CHINESE TRANSLATIONS OF ENGLISH MOVIE TITLES
Possibly not real, but in the spirit of the above article.

"Face/Off" -- "Who Is Face Belonging To? I Kill You Again, Harder!"

"Interview With The Vampire" -- "So, You Are a Lawyer?"

"Scent of a Woman" -- "Great Buddha!  I Can Smell You From Afar!
                       Take a Bath, Will You?!"

"Babe" -- "The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks And Solves Agricultural Problems"

"Twister" -- "Run!  Ruuunnnn!  Cloudzillaaaaa!"

"Field of Dreams" -- "Imaginary Dead Baseball Players Live in My Cornfield"

"Titanic" -- "EEEEEAAAAHHHHH!  Here comes ICE-ZILLA!"

1)  "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said, dolefully.
2)  "I really like sucking on lemons," Bill said to his aide.
3)  "That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said, offhandedly.
4)  "I'll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Tom said, beside himself.
5)  "That's the third electric shock I've gotten this week!" 
    Tom said, revolted.
6)  "I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.
7)  "I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.
8)  "That car you sold me has defective steering!" 
    Tom said, straightforwardly.
9)  "I've been on a diet," Tom expounded.
10) "I'll have to send that telegram again," Tom said, remorsefully.
11) "I keep banging my head on things," Tom said, bashfully.
12) "Look at that jailbird climb down that wall," 
    Tom observed with condescension.
13) "I remember the midwest being flatter than this," Tom explained.
14) "I love the Rocky Mountains!" Tom said bolder than ever.
15) "That's the third time my teacher changed my grade," Tom remarked.
16) "I'll have to dig another ditch around that castle," Tom sighed, remotely.
17) "I've lived through a lot of windstorms," Tom regaled.
18) "I haven't caught a fish all day!" Tom said, without debate.
19) "That mink coat is on wrong side out," Tom inferred.
20) "Thanks for helping me look for the weasel that stole my fur coat!"
    Tom extolled.

RULES OF LANGUAGE (?)

We'll begin with a box and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

The one fowl is a goose but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole set of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural wouldn't be hose.
And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say Mother, we never say Methren,

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim,

So English, I fancy you will all agree,
Is the funniest language you ever did see.

~from Kitty's Daily Mews

(Is that meant to suggest that she muses on the subject of plurals, or that
the muse is responsible?)

A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two
Englishmen are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.  
The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?"  The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"  No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"  Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says, 
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, 
and it didn't do him any good."

ROTFL

Agreed.  <chortle chortle chortle>

 
English phrase                           Chinese Interpretation

Are you harboring a fugitive?            Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.                          Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man                               Dum Gai
Small Horse                              Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!!                 No Bai Dam Ting!!
Did you go to the beach?                 Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table             Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift              Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here                   Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed?            Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution.      Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet             Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone.                 No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena?  Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright                  Yu So Dum
I got this for free                      Ai No Pei
I am not guilty                          Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer.             Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week  Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived                        Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight                        Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile             Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive              Yu stin ki pu

Clinton Deploys Vowels to Balkans

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O and U.

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and
Glrm have been butchered by millions around the world,"  Clinton said.
"Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough."

The deployment, dubbed by the State Dept, "Operation Vowel Movement" is set
for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
slated to be the first recipients.

Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's,"
will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the
letters over the cities.

Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.

"I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.  
"I have six children and none of them has an intelligible name.

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign
country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped
92-thousand consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua,
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.

The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the
letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting warlords.

r is a vowel in some Balkan languages.  l is a vowel in Czech.  y is not used
at all in Croatian (in Serbian it is pronounced as u, Cyrillic alphabet), and
in Czech it is pronounced same as i and in Albanian it is a vowel like umlaut
u.  sz is used in Polish and Hungarian but not in the Balkans.  None of the
made-up words above look at all Balkan to me.

that would be a hint to "lighten up".  :-)  [type "h" at respond prompt]

The following definitions are from the Washington Post Style Invitational 
(a weekly contest for readers).  The idea of this one is simply to redefine
words from the dictionary - no added or changed letters.

Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly - adj., impotent.

Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the
priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude - n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been
jerked around by the mayor.

Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

and...

The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . .

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, 
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

These are wonderful!

Double Negatives

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English,"
he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though,
such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is
no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

wow....

wonderful!

THE WISCONSIN DICTIONARY

1. AIN-A-HEY: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in "isn't It?"

2. BART: a Green Bay institution who doesn't need a last name; ("Vince").

3. BELIEVE-YOU-ME: attached to the beginning or end of a statement makes it
   more credible; as in, "really!"

4. BLAZE ORANGE: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear 
   at Lambeau.

5. BORN IN A BARN?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the
   door open.

6. BORROW: used in place of "lend," as in, "could youse borrow me a
   couple-tree bucks?

7. BRAT: a sausage; a Wisconsin tailgate favorite; doesn't have anything to
   do with a spoiled kid.

8. BUBBLER: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin's borders, it is
   known as a drinking fountain.

9. BUDGE: to merge without permission; cut in; as in "Don't you budge in
   line for a brat, I was here first!"

10. BY: to; near; as in "Let's go by One Eyed Jack's, "or "She'll come by
    the house tonight".

11. CHEDDARHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheesehead."

12. CHEESEHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheddarhead."

13. CHEESE CURD: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak 
    when you bite into them.

14. C'MEER ONCE: a request for the presence of another Cheddarhead.

15. COUPLE-TWO-TREE: more than one; as in "Delmer and I drank a
    couple-two-tree beers."

16. CRIPES: a Wisconsin expletive.

17. CRIPES-SAKE: a mild Wisconsin expletive.

18. CRIPES-SAKES-ALMIGHTY: a wild Wisconsin expletive.

19. Da: a substitute for words beginning with "THE" as in "Dat guy over dere
    in da Bears shirt."

20. DAVENPORT: what your mom called the sofa; a couch.

21. FAIR-TA-MIDDLIN: not bad or great, just "O.K."

22. FISH FRY: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin.

23. FLEET FARM: a Cheddarhead's answer to Bloomingdales.

24. FROZEN TUNDRA: Lambeau Field.

25. GEEEZ!: Another Wisconsin expletive.

26. GO AHEAD: proceed; as in, "Go ahead and back up your car."

27. GOTS: used in place of "have;" as in, "I gots my tickets to watch da
    Packers play on da Frozen Tundra."

28. GOL-DURN: another Wisconsin expletive.

29. HEY: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis, as in 
    "Hey, how 'bout dem Packers?" or "Hows about dem Packers, Hey!"

30. HOWS-BY-YOU?: a greeting; the same as, "How's everything?"

31. HUMDINGER: a beauty; as in 
    "Dat croppy youse caught up-nort is a real humdinger."

31. JOHN DEERE: a Cheddarhead's other vehicle.

32. M'WAKEE: Wisconsin's largest city; located just down the lake from
    Trivers and Mantwoc.

33. N-SO?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; (sometimes pronounced
    as AIN-SO) used as a substitute for "isn't that right?" or "correct?"

34. OH,YAH: depending on emphasis, it's either used as acknowledgment 
    (as "That's correct") or skepticism (That's bull!).

35. PERT-NEER (sometimes pronounced "PRET-NEAR"): in close proximity; 
    just about.

36. POLKA: the ubiquitous dance of Wisconsin.

37. POP: a non-alcoholic drink like Pepsi or Coke.

38. RUBBERS: protection for your shoes; also known as "galoshes."

39. SCONSIN: the state where Cheeseheads are from.

40. SCHMEAR: a card game; also a term used when someone gets beat in a game
    of Sheepshead.

41. SHEEPSHEAD: another card game.

42. SIDE-BY-EACH: used instead of, "next to each other."

43. SKEETER: Wisconsin state bird.

44. START WIT ME LAST: to forfeit your turn.

45. STOP-AND-GO LIGHTS: what everyone else refers to as traffic signals.

45. UFF-DAH: (from the untranslatable Norwegian phrase) meaning varies with
    severity of incident - from "Oops" to "Crime-iney" to words which follow
    "Oh!" you utter when you make a really big "boo-boo" and are in 
    "deep doggy doo."

46. UN-THAW: to defrost.

47. WHERE-ABOUTS: locality; proximity; as in, 
    "where-abouts are youse guys from?"

49. UP NORT: where Wisconsinites go on vacation.

50. UP-SIDE-RIGHT: right side up.

51. VINCE: the other Green Bay icon who doesn't need a last name for
    recognition; (see "Bart").

52. WES-CONSIN: the way you can tell the speaker is not a real Wisconsinite.

53. YAH-HEY: affirmative.

54. YAH-SURE-YOU-BETCHA: yes, you are correct.

55. YOU-BETCHA: affirmative, as in "Yah-hey."

56. YOU'S: (var. "Yoose") pronoun, second person plural. Used as 
    "Whatch you's guys doin over dere?"

57. YOUPER (var. "YOOPER"): someone from ever further up-nort than you - in
    da U.P. of Michigan

NOT FUNNY, eh?

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss