What are our parents like?  It would be good to know that there are good
parents and bad parents, and that parents are human too.  How will we be
as parents?  Will we be like our own?  Will we try to be different?  How do
we feel about our parents?  Do we want to move out on them?  Are they like
friends who live with us?  Do we miss them when we or they go off for long
periods of time?  Do we have surrogate parents, role models who we look up
to rather than our own parents?  Do we feel our parents make good rules? 
Are they ever unreasonable?

47 responses total.

My dad is like.... unpredictable.  more later.

In case you havn't read the old parents thing, my dad had a kid with another
woman while my parents were married, and kept her a secret from me for 6
years (SHORT VERSION). Now I'll move on to my brother.
        My parents never bothered to try and control my brother. Some people
might think that's just a siblings point of view, but my shrink backs me up
on this. My brother beat me up, A LOT, when we were younger. He grew more
muscular...I didn't. I mean he really beat me up. No broken bones, but 
black eyes and bruises, and stuff like that.
        Consequently, almost ironically, my brother became a marine. But he
still comes home sometimes, and my parents still don't have control over him
and he still beats on me.
        My parents don't control my brother, don't trust me with my sister. I
        think they want my siblings to cease to exist or kill me.

Well, I actually think my parents are- well, good parents.  I do miss them
when I go away, but that doesn't stop me from going. I like to go home for
the weekend, cause sometimes being here gets to be too much. My parents were
good at avoiding too much sibling rivalry- we fought sometimes- but it never
went too far.  I don't fight with my parents much- cause I don't think it's
worth it.  I'm not around much- why waste the time I do spend with them
fighting?  

my parents are really cool.  my dad had no childhood, so he wants hios
kids to have the childhood that he never had.  my mom had a great
one, so whe wants ours to be as great.  they wnant me to have parties!

sibling rivalry was always around when i was little, but as we grew up, it
lessened.

re 2:  not ironic at all...

my parents are pretty cool, it's funny, I've always understood why they did
what they did, even when I got mad at them.  Of course, I didn't have the same
kind of childhood that I "saw" the other kids having ("saw" because thinking
back I didn't spend that much time with other kids to know how different they
really  were) because my parents simply didn't know, they didn't know all the
things that the other kids' parents knew because they grew up in India, not
here.  I often had to explain to them what I was expecting of them based on my
watchin t.v. and observing other kid's parents.  I think now, though, that I
really like the fact that my parents are so "different" because I've never met
parents as cool as mine in a lot of respects.

One of the most important things I've come to realize about my parents is that
they're human, and have human failings. I came to realize that early in life,
right around the time they were divorcing. I imagine that if they hadn't broken
up, I'd have had an idyllic childhood and would be completely ignorant of not
only their failings, but my own failings and the failings of the people around
me. To this day, I have trouble visiting my parents, because they remind me of
what I could be, and what I don't want to be.

not me.

my parents are very adult, and full of responsability, etc.

my parents are also sickingly in love.  it's really sweet to watch, sometimes
almost too sweet.  but it is nice to know that love like that still exiss
in this world.

My mother is one of those "nice to all my friends" parents. She acts like a
saint until they leave, but turns into Beezlebub when they leave.

My dad is an ex-hippie who never really grew up. Great father, Shitty husband.
He's a little cooler but they're both nuts.

my father had no childhood, so he wants hi kids to have the oe that he never
had.  they are both good parents.  :)

did I already say that my parents are cool?  If not, then they are.  If so,
then they still are.

re: #6  I doubt it, Carson.  At some point, I think that almost anyone whose
parents didn't die or leave or something when they weryoung comes to realize
that their parents aren't divine beings, that they have faults, etc.  That's
kind of what I meant by "understanding" my parents, I learned early on to
realize that there were human motivations and reasons for what they did, even
when it was not fun or not fair to me, that doesn't mean that I had no problems
with anything that they did, and I often have discussions and debates with them
about a lotof things from what should we do about this to why do we disagree
about this issue... but we can do this only because we see each other as human,
both good and bad, I don't think that you should just see the bad in your
parents if that's what you're suggesting you do, but I haven't had that
experience so I don't know how it is really.

my dad is pretty cool, but I'm not ovely fond of my mother...I haave a
poor opinion of her ability to interact with others and various other
characteristics.  Howeverr, I think the members of our family plae
er, place too much emphasis on power aand I also think my parents lost
control of us before any one of us was ready for it.

        Carolyn thinks her parents placed too much emphasis on power. 
There goes that sibling rivalry again...
        Even those of us who have a parent who has died are able to see
their faults, or at least I am.  My mother was a wonderful person, but she
was by no means the perfect person I once thought she was.  She had her
faults because she was human, and I'm sure there were things about her
that I would find very annoying if she were around right now.  Still,
there are lots of things I really miss about her, and she was a wonderful
person.  It will have been five years on Thursday, and I still miss her,
not because she was perfect, but because she was a great mom.

It scares me that me and my mother don't have a very good relationship.
I mean, she could be dead right now, for all I know, and I would never
be able to make things right. But every time I try to make things better
we end up getting in a fight. It pisses me off that she pisses me off so 
easily. I'm a bastard...

i get along really well with my parents...yes we fight, but we still love each
other, and i never really fealt some huge need to rebell, more then just the
norm.

Hmm. It looks like no one has looked at this item for a while either! I'll
have to do some thinking and come back later.

- Robert     o/~

yeah!!!!!  person in the conferance!!!!!  :)

(huggle rlawson)

welcome to inbetween, rlawson!

<robert hangs his head in shame> This is the first time I've read this
conference since I entered that response. I'm still thinking though! <g>

Geez these items go through phases... sometimes there are so many 
responss, and then there are none.

i wish that there were more responses....(sigh)

Is anyone reading this besides Meg and me?

I am.. I just don't say much...

please do....it's good to hear every body's opinions!  :)

Wait, I have to have an opinion????
 <grin>

I'm lurking.  I think I've already said a lot about my parents in this item.

Well, I guess what I have to say about my parents is given all circumstances
I think they did the best job they could.  It's just so hard when there are
so many variables.  All parents obviously grew up in different times.
But mine grew up in a different place with different values.  Sometimes
I really think I believe something and then I go home and they shoot it down.
I'm also the oldest so they have a hard time letting go.  And they can't
seem to come down to my level.  The last time I called home, I realized I
only had about two words to say to them before asking them to put my sister
on the line.

My parent's are sepreated, never actually maried, and my mom cant make up her
mind.  I cant really talk to any of them!!!
It sux.  But that fits me!!!

SOmetimes I like my paretns, and other times I feel like I don't exist. They
have like all control it seems like . . . and I'm 13!  It's like, wehn I go
to a movie, I HAVE to go with my mom (unless my frined envits me, then his/her
mom/dad has to be there), I always have to sit right next to her. "I trust
you, but I don't trust them." As she points to the people. 
I get almost no privacy. I go up to my room to be alone for a while, she comes
up, "Leave your door open. DOn't lock yourself in here." She says. Oh yeah,
do you wanna know the DISCUSSTRING part? She loks at my legs. I mean, stares
at them. Its SICK. I say, "What are you doing?" Then she says, "I'm sorry,
I guess I am a leg person. I stare at your fathers all the time." THen, I felt
like PUKING! Shhesh, even thinking of it makes me whhoo-sey.
Heh, when we go camping and I atleast want to walk a little bit, she says,
"DOn't go to far. I trust you, but I don't trust them." As usual, she points
to the people around us. Thats so annoying. Then I meet someone, and she comes
up and like totally embarreses me. (No, its not the female. If it is, I only
meet a girl once capmping, but we were ONLY friends. You guessed it, she
embarresed me infront of her to, but that was a long time ago.) 

Thanks for letting me post a long message (I usually dont make them so long.
) But anyway, I just wanted to tell someone, (yes, I have spoken to my mom,
and she's cutt back a little, but sh e is still annoing.) And don't worry
about me, its nothing like serious. It's jus the typical teenage problem.

--Adam (cybergod)

It seems like everyone thinks their parents are overcontrolling their lives...
until you get a good look at some other people.  I have a friend who's mother
won't even LET him make his own lunch... he gets squeeze its at age 17.  But
his parents let him drive occasionally...

I think my parents have tried very hard to be good parents.  My mother's
father and my father's mother were paranoid schizophrenics... my dad's mom
slept with a knife, and would threaten to kill family members with it.  She
did all kinds of psycho things I've been told about.  My parents severed ties
with my dad's side of the family when I was about 6 months old, having decided
(I think correctly) that I shouldn't be exposed to them throughout my
childhood.  I met my grandfather on that side when I was 15... I think my
grandmother is in a home for people like her somewhere.

Because of their parents antics, both of my parents had pretty terrible
childhoods, and both of them have lists of things they never got to do.  My
dad lived in a small town, and they all knew about his mother, and no one
wanted their child hanging around with my father, and he never got to talk
to people who hadn't been warned about him until college.  Both of my parents
families were really scraping the bottom to keep the houses they lived in,
and there was never any money to give the kids things like piano lessons, and
all the nice things people like to give their kids.  So as a child, I was
bombarded with all the things my parents had always felt they missed out on...
ballet lessons, tap dancing lessons, piano lessons, endless art workshops,
ice skating... you name it, I was in it if my mother knew it was out there.
When I was a kid I resented them for it... for filling every minute of my day
with an activity.  Now I understand why they did it, but I don't think I could
condone the extent to which they did it.

Now?  They are each pretty overcontrolling in their own ways.  My mother
doesn't want me touching the car (I've been a liscenced drived for 5 months
now), going to movies alone (as in the above response), or especially, getting
a job.  Last summer, back when I was seriously looking for one, she came up
with a list of jobs she didn't want me to get, and pretty much ruled out
everything.  Oh, well.

Parents are people too.  They aren't perfect.  I could think of lists of
complaints about mine as I am sure that some day my children will for me. 
But I think my parents did the best they good, seeing how neither of them had
much responsibility taking care of children before they had me (I'm the
oldest)

I do see them making less mistakes the second time around with my sister
though.  I used to be jealous but now I'm just happy for her.

(I've been better about visiting my parents, as well as my brother and 
sister. I talk more with my dad and stepmom. I still avoid my mother 
whenever possible, but it's not an action that I advocate. I don't deal 
with her for reasons that I've detailed elsewhere in the conference.)

Wow.  I was about to respond, and then read the item and found quite a bit
of what I was going to say already there... much more than I was going to say,
in fact.  Oh, well.
My mother is very overcontrolling in my opinion, tho the above friend
mentioned whose mom refused to let him pack his lunch still seems to squash
her by comparison.  (He is in a desperate search for an apartment and will
be moving to one come September or so, I think)  And the mention of him will
lead me into a perfect segue...
My parents, particularly my father, refuse to let me see him anymore.
Why?
He came out to me last spring.  He's gay.  I feel rather honored, quite
frankly, to be the first person he told (most likely because he knew I'd be
supportive).  Then, a few months later, my parents found out.
At first they were okay with it.  Then every time I had a phone conversation
with him or went out to coffee with him my parents would be irritated when
I came home.  Then my parents realized, oh my god, I actually have no real
problems with his orientation!!!  This led to my father shouting down my
throat about how being gay was bad, bad, bad, etc.  When I continued to
disagree for a significant period of time, he began to blame this on my dear
friend.  Then, in the middle of january, he decided to no longer let me see
my friend.  Which really pissed me off.
And I admit it, I have no guts.  When my father threatened to kick me out of
the house if I didn't tell him that I thought being gay was bad, I did say
it, and promise not to call or email or anything my poor friend.
(Actually, I plan to call him in about 10 minutes, when his mom thought that
he would be home from a movie he is seeing with a friend.)
So that is my biggest grudge against my parents right now.  Phew.

woah..that's not good...can I be completely unhelpful and suggest you tell
your dad that he's being nice and intolerant and that if you changed 'gay'
to 'black' or 'female' or something, he wouldn't perhaps be quite so sure of
his position (I hope). if not, I'll tell him :)

my parents..my mother is a sweetheart..but I drive her crazy sometimes..
my dad's a strange fish..but I"m a lot like him <shudder>

Hmmmm. your father dislikes him because he *won't* be trying to have sex with
you???

<laughs>
Cute, scott, real cute...

Unfortunately, Katy, some people would say 'gay' is more like 'pedophile' than
like 'female'.
Some people are real jerks.

re 35:  Yeah.  <that had me lauging aloud>

My father apparently never knew until then that I am not particularly
homophobic, and blames this corrupting of my mind on my friend.  He should've
asked me in, oh, 8th grade if he wanted to know.

And trust me, this guy is NOT likely to go out and have unprotected sex with
anybody... but my father still claims that people just like him are
responsible for AIDS.  Okay, sure.

Actually, there are reasons for my father's views... it all boils down to
displaced blame, I guess.  That, and well, I have a not very close relative
who after 19 years of marriage decided he was gay, went out and acted so,
somehow "forgot" to pay the mortgage on his family's house, along with some
rather large surgery bills for his children.  He's not a wonderful person,
to say the least, but in my opinion it has nothing to do with his orientation.
He's a selfish bastard, who happens to be gay.

Oh, well.  Right now, I can't wait to move out.

Ouch.  Can we say "not a good example", boys and girls?

not a good example.

There...did I get it right?  :)

I know quite a few gay people.  And you know what...there are a few that are
like that.  There are also a whole bunch of people that aren't gay that are
like that....I'm guessing the percentage to be about the same.  Gay means
nothing but who you date....nothing about responsibility.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss