Do your parents give you the space you want?? 

Do you wish it were less?

23 responses total.

My parents were generally pretty good about that.  They didn't always leave
me alone when I wanted them to, but that was probably a good thing.  For the
most part, they tended to let me do what I wanted to do, unless there was a
good reason not to.  That doesn't mean we always got along, but then again
I'm not convinced that any group of people living together for several years
can always get along.  Now that I'm not living with them anymore, I really
feel like I have enough space, and I think we get along a lot better than we
ever did when I was living with them.

Well, your an adult, but you can count!!!   I knwo what you mean, after seeing
so much of one person, you get tiered of them!!!

My parents are seperated, never married....that stinks though, my mom is so-so
about space, I get it, but not alot!  

They're pretty good about space in the house... my room is a pigsty and nobody
cares...  the problem is that they won't let me out.  There's always something
I could be doing in the house.  The last time I went anywhere outside of the
house was a couple of days ago when I went out to get them some Dairy Queen.
But they have a real problem with noise..  in my house there is always someone
sleeping.  My mother works nights, my father does the normal eight to five,
and my sister and I don't understand the concept of bedtime.  I haven't
listened to music without headphones since I can't remember when.  But there's
also always someone awake in the house, 24 hours a day.  My father is
convinced that no one will ever break into our house, we've already frustrated
all of the burglars.  We don't go to bed!!

I am alwayz up late, I can't help it...
Well I have to clean my room every day!!!!

Anyone in the mood for a long message about this stuff? read 4, then look for
mine. (cybergod)

--Adam (cybergod)

I wish I could be trusted to take care of my life on my own. However, I'm not
sure I can. I hate the fact that my parents think that making me feel like
shit will somehow make me a better worker. They try to show me the importance
of the things I don't do *perfectly* but all they do is stress me out! At the
same time, I know people that are doing much better than my parents.
(happiness/life wise, better off) And they tell me to do what makes me happy
and that that will be more important in the future. I hate the duality of
this. I don't think I've properly communicated the idea. Does anyone else
experience this kind of thing? (think they're helping but are only causing
stress?)

Z.

I think I understand what you're talking about, although I've gotten a lot
more of that sort of thing from teachers than parents.  I remember one
teacher, in particular, who went on and on about the importance of always
being early, and never leaving until the bell rang even if the class didn't
take the whole period.  Her explanation was that when we grew up and got jobs
in the "real world," we would have employers who would insist that we never
leave early, even if we were done with absolutely everything that needed to
be done.  I guess I don't work in the real world now, or something.  If
everything that needs to be done is done, I'm free to go off and do other
stuff, while if lots of stuff needs to be done I generally stick around, often
after other people have left, to work on it.  Somehow, that sort of situation
doesn't exist, according to that teacher I had.

I did not feel like I had the space I want when I was living with my parents.
I'm a private person in many ways and needed to be alone more often than most,
needed a space where I knew nobody would look, needed a forum to unleash my
thoughts without hurting anyone else's feelings...

In retrospect I think all I needed was to be able to lock my door and tell
people that I was *not* going to come out because I wasn't in a pleasant
enough mood to interact with others.  Even as an adult, I still get into those
moods sometimes.

(I had quite a bit of "personal space" while I lived with my parents. I
wasn't neglected at all. in fact, part of the reason that I eventually
moved out the first time was because they cared too much, and I needed
to be able to make the mistakes that I wanted to make. the second time I
moved out was out of respect: I didn't want to live by their rules, but
I saw the need for the rules, so I left to avoid perpetuating conflict.
all in all, I feel as if I have a great relationship with my parents.)

I think many people get along with their parents much better after they move
out.  And many parents try too hard to protect their children from everything,
to the point the child is helpless because (s)he can't do a thing by
him/her-self, which isn't good either, for anyone who is going to need to be
able to make their own decisions someday.

I agree, on both counts.  Kinda like the new mom who freaks because
her kid gets a skinned knee.  From my mother I got a very pragmatic
approach to a lot of things. <grins> "Skinned your knee hmmm?  Next
time you'll be more careful, right?" "Yes, Mama."

I love my parents, they're really cool, and I never really went through
the teen rebellion things where I had battles with them.  I feel like if
I had to I could move home and be okay, but I'd rather have them be proud
of me and make it on my own.

Re: #11 What # child are you?  A lot of times, with child #1 parents are
paranoid, and then with the next, they're a bit more reasonable...by #6 or
so they just let the kid run rampant "Hey, he's still in one piece - I must
be doing something right"

<laughs> Must be something to that, I'm #4 (older sis, then twins- boys
then me).

Twins - identical or fraternal?
(just curious - this is not related to anything else in the response :)

Fraternal, thank goodness!  They really look nothing alike.

My favorite story about fraternal twins is a little girl who told her teacher
she had a twin.  The teacher went to the other classroom to try to guess who
was the girl's sister...and ended up picking out some random little girl who
looked more like her student than the actual sister!

(I am seeing a bit of the "later child doesn't need as much care" syndrome
that abc mentioned. I "survived", so Ashton doesn't have to keep his
room clean, and Jessica doesn't have to wash dishes, etc. on one hand, I'm
glad my parents developed a sense of perspective. on the other, I think
they're erring way too far on the side of laissez-faire.)

Parents aren't perfect.  Anyone who becomes a parent will make mistakes
too. 

(yeah, but sometimes I think they're not realizing when they haven't
made a mistake.)

True.

One pet peeve: "You can't understand what I'm going through.  You've never
been a parent!"

That's odd.  I care about my siblings too.  I watched them from the day each
was born.  I want the best for him/her.  OK, so I didn't go through labor.
But why can't I understand if I'm not an actual *parent*?  Do you have to be
a parent to worry/love/car about a child?  **puzzle** (any lurking parent want
to explain this one to me? I'm truly bewildered)

(chances are that dad didn't go through labor either.) ;)

So what's the difference being a parent vs. being someone who cares and helps
raise a child?

(good question. my kneejerk reaction was to say "age", but that's not
necessarily true. it isn't always a blood line, either, because that would
exclude adoptive parents and include deadbeat dads [and moms].)

(I guess I'd say that the parents are the ones who assume the
responsibility of raising a child, including the costs associated with
that raising, economic and social.)

(any parents want to chime in?) :)

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