Jim has read that married couples have the most disagreements, in this order,
on money (earning and spending), family and children (depending on which you
spent the most time with).  Can grexers tell us what they consider to be the
most common areas of conflict in couples (married or not, homo- or
heterosexual) who are living together (not just temporary roommates)?   
Please list the five or so greatest areas of discord in your relationship.
And maybe also a few of the lesser areas if they are interesting.  He says
this is by frequency, not severity.  (Hoping to see this linked to femme.)
He expects to find totally different items and rankings from the national
average.  It would also be interesting to compare the responses from both
members of a couple.

32 responses total.

1.  Money
2.  How often we see each other
3.  Housekeeping (I like things neat...she is a SLOB)
4.  Sex (how frequent, day or night, yada yada yada)
5.  Personality - this includes the little quirks that annoy the
other person...I don't want to list things because everyone knows
what I mean

Oops... she=he, but the same was true when I lived with Rachael. 
Funny how a typo can make a *huge* difference in meaning.  =)

Housekeeping and decorating
How to spend time together (his friends and hobbies or mine)
Housekeeping!
money
Housekeeping...

;)

"...*huge* difference in meaning"?  What difference?  This item is about
relationships, not birth control failures.

We spend close to all our time together and don't like to spend money, so
those are not problems.

1.  Communication (has to do with Jim's dyslexia, but we spend a lot of time
arguing over the meaning of what I said, or the fact that he did not hear it)
2.  Possessions/projects - too many projects coming in, too few going out,
stuff in the way all over all the floors and tables and ..... (again, this
has to do with a learning disability and genetic lack of organization)   This
is not exactly housekeeping but rather trying to keep things out of the house.
3.  We are too busy to worry about how we spend our time or with whom.  Trying
to keep up with the equivalent of at least three full-time jobs.  Lack of free
time could be considered a problem.

Does anyone actually argue about relatives?  We see Jim's sister twice a year.
In theory people argue about which relative they visit on holidays.

Do people argue about what to eat?  The temperature of the house?  Where to
go on vacation?

I've been in relationships where house temperature has been an issue -- what
to eat has never been as issue.  Don't like what's for dinner?  Make something
else.

We don't argue about relatives because we pretty much agree about them.  His
mother's a goddess, his father is a twice a year duty, my relatives are far
away and better left so for the most part.  No issues.  ;)

Re #3 - I meant accidentally typing "she" instead of "he" makes a
huge difference in meaning...as in a lesbian relationship as
opposed to a hetero.  But, of course, then I said in the next line
that Rachael and I had the same problems that Kevin and I have
right now.  (Rachael is an ex)

How to decorate would probably be number six, along with
temperature of the house.  I like it very cool and Kevin cranks it
up to seventy degrees.  Yuck.  

On the subject of problems in relationships, i don't see that hetero/homo
is any bigger a difference than citizen/green card.  Certainly the
responses so far here don't suggest that the ratio of X to Y chromosomes
is important.  Hetero generally gets your relationship better social 
support and worse odds of accidental pregnancy.  Are these really big
issues?

Jim also read that married men are most satisfied with relationships, followed
by single women, single men, and married women.  I note that no men have
written in to complain about their relationships.  Why?  Is it possible that
the neatnik in hetero pairs is usually the woman, and the man does not notice
any problem in housekeeping?
        Re temperature, some people metabolically require higher temperatures.

So much of our life is cleanly split into "his" "mine" and "ours" that we
rarely argue over time, space, money, etc. Thinking about it -- I can't
remember the last time we actually fought over anything. We have constructive
you-give-your-side-and-I'll-give-mine arguements that get lively, but never
heated. We're so happy together it's disgusting. 8^}

Hmm.  As far as I can tell, my parents have no separation in dealing with any
of their posessions.  Other than obvious things like Sport Illustrated,
there's no clear cut predominance of use.

My parents argue over money more than anything.  
#2 - how to raise the children (now that 2/3 have moved out, it
really isn't an issue anymore)
#3 - what to watch and what to tape for later  (I kid you not)
#4 - what's a weed and what's a flower
#5 - if they have already seen that movie at the video store 

As you can see, my parents have a great relationship...it's simply
amazing.

My ex and I broke up over honeymoon plans.

He wanted to go to Hawaii, and I didn't want to get married.

Ta-bomp.

Please translate that last response.

It's an old Vaudeville thing.

A rim-shot.

We have a frequent argument about Jim always leaving his shoes on top of mine.
(We take them off at the door).  He always insists that he did not leave
them there.  I wash my shoes frequently for that reason.  15 years of this.
Anybody else have equally ridiculous arguments?

This response has been erased.

Well, if one person is getting frustrated about anything, argument is
inevitable.  You might limit the damage by not letting the frustration build
up too much first...

My non-relationship housemate experience tell me that small arguments over
things that just happened are *much* better than big arguments over things
that happened a week ago.   :/

I would sort of agree with that, Scott, except to say that for me, waiting
for the first rush of frustration to pass is a good idea.  But speaking up
before it happens again is also important.

Yes, it's good to avoid snapping over something that isn't that big a deal.
Letting things fester is a Very Bad Idea, though.

I think my non-relationship apartment mate situation fell apart because we
took great pains to be very nice and polite to eachother, and after about
eight months of it I finally snapped and let out everything that had been
building all that time, and it went down hill from there.  It probaly would
have gone a lot better if we could have had smaller arguments more frequently.

This response has been erased.

housekeepng, what is good enough and <mostly> what isnt.

outdoor activities.. laid back attitude vs planning something
in such excruciating detail yuo stop having fun days before the
trip is even scheduled.

I had two housemates who were upset that I did not clean the bathroom to their
standards.  I spent little time in the bathroom, but it seemed that I was the
only one who ever washed the kitchen floor and waxed it, or cleaned the stove,
or defrosted the refrigerator, or did the yardwork.  You see what is important
to you and do something about that.
        Since dirt on the tops of shoes is not something Jim cares about or
even notices, the solution is to put my shoes where his cannot land on them.
We need a bigger entrance way than a corner of the kitchen.  (Is this what
is meant by infrastructure).
        .

Julie and I argue sometimes due to a lack of communication, lack of energy,
or her ADD (she forgets a lot) or my manic-depression (I'm self-conscious
about being in control of myself).

I was on a canoe trip one time with two friends.  Peter was extremely picky
about loading the canoe so it was *perfectly* balanced.  After Rae and I
loaded the canoe, Peter would spend another 20 minutes repacking and shuffling
things so that the canoe was as stable as it could possibly be.  

Rae hated dirty or ugly campsites.  At the end of the day, when Peter and
I had *no* energy left, Rae would veto acceptable campsites, and we would
have to paddle on for another 20 minutes until we found the perfect
campsite. 

I could not abide dirty dishes and food being left out overnight.  Besides
behing harder to clean when dried and stale, the pans would attract insects,
rodents and other wildlife.  It didn't bother me a bit to heat up water and
wash everything before we went to bed.  I kept everyone up banging around
after dinner washing dishes. 

We could have driven each other crazy by complaining that the foolishly
high standards were a waste of time.  On the other hand, the canoe was
exceedingly easy to paddle, our evening and morning views were
awe-inspiring, and we didn't have any food-borne illness or unwanted
visitors the whole trip. 

Sounds very sensible to me.

Yeah-- sounds like it worked out.

what about mother-in-laws? My wife and I argue about her more than everything.
The mother in law is a shady creature of the night that bugs the heck out of
me with her very presence on this earth. lol

My mother-in-law lives with us at least half the year and its a pleasure to
have her.  I'm trying to think what we discuss as major concerns and its
probably about time and money like Cindy related per Jim.  Of course, the
shoes thing is a big deal for me, too.  We have at least 5 shoe racks near
our front and side door and I have a TON of shoes.  I'm a freak about keeping
my shoes from being scuffed, etc...  That's of course MY issue to deal with
really.

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