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78 responses total.

Hm. Never thought about that. No, it doesn't bother me.

No it doesnt bother me.....
The thing that bothered me most about childbirth is was seeing my wife go
through so much pain.  She was awesome though..I don't think I could have
handled it the way she did...

I have always wondered how it is on husbands who basically have no choice but
to sit and watch their wives scream in pain for hours. Some men have said they
just felt sorry for their wives, others said they would have done anything
to take the pain for her. I would think it's impossible to explain to someone
how painful it is (and i don't know myself, since I dpn't have kids). 

From what men have told me, they don't feel jealous that they can't have kids.
It's more that they'd like to know how it feels to be pregnant and have a life
moving around inside you. I'd like to know myself :)

It hurt me to see my wife go through the pain that she did...
I felt so helpless....

I was with my wife for the births of both of our daughters.  Technically, the
men do not do much.  They act as "coach" and help keep on the routine for the
breathing, which I am sure is a help.  But the biggest thing is that we are
"there" and provide some contact during the process.  I can only imagine how
tough it would be, but it would be a lot tougher without anyone there with
you, devoted to your feelings.

My mom had her kids in 1968/1972 (I'm the latter). It sounds terrible how it
was done then. She was in labor for 12 hous with my brother and spent all the
time in a room by herself, watching the clock and waiting for a nurse to check
her every few hours. She was scared to death and in pain and my dad got to
watch TV in the waiting room with his buddies (unfair!). But to sit there
alone for 12 hours sounds terrible to me, when you're at a time when you need
support and someone there. Other stories around the 60s-70s I've heard involve
"Labor rooms" where you sat with about 12 other women, all in labor, until
you were ready. No thanks. My brother weighed 9 pounds and MOm almost died
having him. She says it should have been a C-section, but they were just
almost never done then.

She was much happier with me since I was 8 pounds and only gave her 3 hours
labor. And I turned out to be the girl she'd been wanting. :) Again, she was
alone. My dad says he wouldn't have wanted to be in the room anyway. But if
my time comes, I don't care if I have to nail my husband's feet to the floor.
He's staying. 

Marry a man, beswing, who wants to be with you whenever you need or want him.
A man wo can tolerate his pain to help you with yours.  

Do you know of such a man, headdoc? :)

Luckily, I married one.  One of my daughters found another in Seattle and is
planning to marry him next year.  There have to be a few more in between here
and there.  It sounds like there are even a few men with that potential right
here on Grex.

There are some, I've seen them,  Not to be immodest, but I am one (but I'm
taken, unless you're into group marriage...).  I've seen others around
on Grex, yes.

I agree Doc....My wife is my number one reason for living...my kids are number
two...It has to be that way....She is also my friend...

Pardon me while I turn green with envy. all the good ones seem to be taken.
And no, I'm not into group marriage, or group anything for that matter.

Hmmm Dan. Your wife is in first place, and your kids second? I don't get that.
since I'm not married/no kids, I can't say that is wrong. It seems to me that
parents would do anything for their kids, even die for them. And I would think
that if I were starving and had food, I'd give it to my kids first. Usually
I see parents refuse so much for themselves so their kids are ok. It seems
it would be rough on a kid knowing they were not the first place in mom and
dad's life. 

And come to think of it, why have kids anyway? They take up money, time,
resources, wear you out, and you lose most of your freedom. And despite the
fact you feed them, clothe them, buy them presents for no real reason... you
never get a "thank you" and get a lot of attitude. And yet everyone wants
kids. And I'll likely have one myself before it's all over with. maybe I'm
selfish. You know what? Early 20s are a very stupid time of life. Not that
I don't appreciate having time to do things... but the idea of having to cram
it all into a short amount before marriage/kids makes me ill. I'd hate to
think my life just stops when I have kids. I hope I am making sense... (sigh).

Yes you sound like you are making sense...I felt the same way when we had our
first child.  I was 19 and boy did that ever change things.  Let me tell ya
though sweetie, I wouldn't change any of that.....I love my children like my
life....

Let me try to explain what I menat by my wife being my most important or being
the most important person in my life.  First without her I wouldn't have
children....We are as one and therefore it is almost like caring for
myself...if that makes sense...She is my life...I would say though, that if
we were faced with starvation there would be no contest..We would both agree
that our children eat first....I hope that makes sense...It is really hard
for me to describe in words...

I sort of understand. I can't imagine being a parent at 19... am I assuming
too much in saying that it wasn't really planned that way? :/

I hear the "I'd never trade having kids for anything" a lot. It must be neat
to have a part of you and the one you love materialize as a new person. And
I bet the whole birth experience must be miraculous. But I'd think that
"glowing" aspect gets old fast. Kids grow and have more needs... no more going
fo doughnuts at 3 am, you have a kid now. How can teh good in it outweigh the
bad?

I know a couple who were married for 9 years, and had basically deciede they
didn't want kids. But the wife became pregnant, and when they found out, they
cried because they felt it was the end of their freedom. But they have 2 sons
now and are deliriously happy with them. I just don't understand it entirely.

Let me throw a couple of cents in here...Marriage and parenthood is not
something that can be explained in a couple of words,nor can you convey the
true feelings that are experiencedfrom either one to someone that has not
experienced either one. It's not like a movie review where you can find out
the overview of the movie.
I'm going to steer clear of the marriage part because of my newly acquired
martial status...DIVORCED, but the kid stuff I can try and shed a little light
on. On a given day the bad just may outweigh the good, but being a parent
doesn't last for a day. When I see one of my little men exhibit a small
characteristic or trait that I posses, I swell with pride. I couldn't even
attempt to put into words the emotions that one experiences when your child
hands to you a handmade card that they personally crafted. Above all though
is hearing the laughter of children playing together, there isn't a sound on
the face of the earth that can duplicate that, nor will there ever be. One
must always remember that parenthood is not something to experiment with you
must be mentally or emotionally mature enough to put someone's elses needs
before your own.When we take a vacation the travel time may not be something
we look forward to, but the memories of the good times erase the suffering
of the bad....ramble,ramble,ramble. Any opinions,comments or suggestions?

Robb you are making some sense, really. I suppose it's putting the kids needs
ahead of yours is what scares me. I mean the population is large enough, it's
not like we need to make more kids or the world will die out. So there must
be some drive that makes everyone, it seems, want a kid. It is scary that it's
something youcan't take a break from. And you'll still be a parent even when
your kid is 30 and has kids of their own. I know I won't truly know how it
feels until I get there.

But everyone I know who is maried LOVES it. A lot of it is "I'm so glad the
dating crap is over with." I'd love to be done with it myself. :(

Not everyone wants to have a child for obvious and good reasons.
Sometimes women want to have children because they feel that 
somehow makes them good women.  Also, it's often a way of 
attempting to bind a relationship that is very fragile.  It
can be a way of avoiding a competitive career.  It is often
an unconscious attempt to remake decisions you blew in your
own live by trying again through a child's.  Having a baby
gives you ownership of something very special and this is 
an intriguing option to powerless people.  And on, and on.

There are probably more children born for wrong reasons than
right reasons.  It's a miracle it works out as well as it does.

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I know weird people, Valerie. :/ I only know of one couple that has divorced.
In my age bracket anyhoo.

I can see your point Mary. I see a lot of "power" hunger in parents, delighted
that they now have someone to tell what to wear, act like, and be like. My
father is a good example, although not to the point where it was sheer
dominance. I do know of one couple who had teh baby as a solution to the
marital problems. I suppose part of me would like kids later to not repeat
the mistakes my parents did...a as if it were guaranteed I wouldn't.

What baffles me is when I see people go to amazing lengths to have their own
babies (like the woman who had her fetus implanted in her mother's uterus).
And yet there's thousands of babies waiting to be adopted! Why is it that
people feel if it's not biologically theirs, it's not worth having? 

Adoption is a truly daunting process, bees. Not only are you subject to having
every aspect of your life/lifestyle picked apart by a governmental agency,
the cost is *amazing*. I don't know how much of the fertility stuff might be
covered by insurance, but at least that way no one makes you prove yourself
as "good" potential parents.

True. Rosie O'Donnelll adopted a baby boy last year, and frely admits she had
an easier time of adoption because she is Rosie O'Donnell. She didn't agre
that was fair, but admitted that's how it is. And it seems if a baby is not
white and healthy, it won't be adopted.

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Rosie O'Donnell is a comedy actress.  She was in Exit to Eden, the Flint-
stones, and tht recent then & now movie, whose name I forget... other stuff,
too.  Oh yeah, Lethal Weapon III.  Her being Rosie O'Donnell obviously
carries a huge amount of clout, since the rumor mill is fairly convinced
she's gay, a *huge* black mark on adoption chances.

Exit to Eden huh Brighn...?Well Sometimes I think there should be just as
strict regulations governing Biological parents as there are Adoptive
parents...There are so many people out there who shouldn't be parents....

Aint it the truth brighn. I was in a grocery store last night and saw a mom
with her son (maybe 7 or 8) riding in the bottom of the cart. She had 
apparently told him not to stick his hands out. He did anyway and it was
obvious he was hurt. SO he starts crying. So mom decided to slap him, scream
in his face, and call him "stupid". I had to get out of the store before I
could slap the woman myself. 15 years from now her kid will be getting in
trouble, and she won't have a damn clue as to where it all started. 

Had not heard Rosie was gay. I doubt she is. I think her life revolves around
her son nowadays.

Oop. I meant bubu there. My head hurts.

Yeah sure...Bee..I see how I rate here...
The worst thing you could ever say to a child is "Stupid"
I hate that!!

I know it. "You shouldn't feel that way" or "Why are't you more like
brother/sister/friend" should be stricken from the english language.

Unfortunately that doesn't hold true my dear....
And people wonder what is wrong with young people to day..

 ....givign bubu a big ol' hug...

Well shcuks!!!er shucks.....
Hopefully my generation can change all that with our kids..

My children have been taught that "stupid" is a swear word, and we don't
use it. "Shut up" is also classified the same, these words are just too
negative and degrading. "be quiet" can get the same point across.

In more ways than one, actually... the tone of "Shut up" can be conveyed
with the right inflection of "Be QUIET!"

I would tend to agree there brighn....It all matters how it is said....Be
quiet that is..I really don't think there is a postitve way to say shut up....
Now What was the original topic of this item? Ahh Womb envy....
You know i have heard of an opposite envy by women...I think it would be Penis
envy..No Joke....I am not tyring to be funny or cute..Is this a real thing?

Nah, Bubu. It's a Freud thing.... he said little girls were frusrated because
they thought their mommies had chopped off their penises. I don't recall ever
thinking this and would be pretty freaked out if I woke up one day with one.

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Hee! I have wondered that myself, Valerie. Guys tell me "oh man I'd never want
to be a woman... you have to deal with too much stuff" (stuff being
gynecologist visits, periods and childbirth). But it seems like having...
uh... something in the way, so to speak, would be much more awkward.

Well...It really isnt a problem..Child birht on the ohter hand...i sat with
my wife while she gave birth to both of our children....I would never want
to have to go through that..Don't get me wrong.I would have taken the pain
from my wife if I could have...I don't say that mildly or in jest either...It
completely broke my heart to see her suffe like that...(er suffer)
She was a strong woamn though..She was awesome!!!

Did she go natural, Dan? More power to her.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss