"REMOTE CONTROL"


Ah Yes, the remote control.  A symbol of control and dominance in the life
of the mondern male.  What is it about this singular item that can destroy
marriages, families, and seperate life long friends.  Some suggest that it
is a way for modern male to exercise that power that he has lost to
government, work, and families.  Some suggest that it is a simple matter of
penis envy.  I mean really have you ever looked at a modern remote control.
 Mine is about 10" long and 2" wide.  What would Freud have thought of this
affixiation the modern male has with the remote control.  What do you think?
 Maybe We as men can put our heads together and figure out this modern day
phenominon.

31 responses total.

Let's have some fun with this one....I have noticed that most of the items
posted here are of a somewhat serious nature.  Which in itself is good.  But
I also believe we need to just have fun sometimes..

I think its the penis envy thing by the way.

I would not have even remotely thought that possible.

I keep losing my remote control.  Brings to mind the song "Detachable
Penis"...

Now I understand why, whenever the remote control has fallen
on the floor or between the cushions of the couch or something,
so that I can't find it right away, I get this feeling of
terror...

Have you seen the new wristwatches with built in TV/stereo/VCR remote
controls ? It looks sort of like a calculator watch, but with a set of
remote control buttons instead.

Gives new meaning to the concept of wearing your masculinity
on your sleeve.

Too small for me.  I prefer a remote you can hold onto.  >8)
Actually, I don't watch enough tv to be a remote addict.  Now, when
the develop a remote control for Grex... then I'll be happy.

I saw a commercial the other nite.  This fella was looking for his remote
control.  He yelled out to his wife, "Honey where is the remote."  She
replied, "Why dont you use the remote locater."  He thought this was a good
idea so he hit a button on the tv and the remote started to beep.  *BEEP* 
*BEEP*  He followed the beep as it lead him to the bedroom where his wife was
holding the remote, but also laced in a lovely teddy.  He took the remote and
left..  GOD what a jerk... Ya know I wonder if there was something there with
her and the penis thing......HMMMMMM...?

Isn't there something sick, twisted, and wrong when you go to the television
and press a button to find a small device that you use to press a button to
use the television.  Is it just me, or is that just bizarre?  :)

I saw that ad too.  That, along with the beer ad with "I love you man"
are on my shitlist for ads that make guys look like jerks in order to
seel products to males.  Have we allowed self-deprication to become 
such a part of our identities that we will buy products that insult us
(see also the "Dos for Dummies" book series... Yes!  Insult me!  I
will buy your product!)

(The beer ad in question:  a man is fishing with his father.  He turns to
his father, and says, "Dad... there's something I wanted to tell you..
I... *tears welling up*  I love you, man."  His father replies, stoney-
faced, "You're not geting my beer, son."  After a blurb on how desireable
the beer is, the ad cuts back to the same man, saying to a third man,
"You're my brother, and, well, I just wanted to say..." when he's cut off
with "You're not getting my beer."  There's a related ad in which the 
same man is sitting on a beach blanket with a gorgeous woman, and he's
saying, "Well, we've been seeing each other for a long time, now, and 
I just wanted to say, well, I love you."  She replies, "You're not getting
my beer."  Blurb about how wonderful the beer is.  Cut back, the man is
further down the beach with another woman... you can guess the rest.)

Hmmm...  Never thought of the penis envy thing before.  I have noticed that
I've handled mine so much that you can't read the numbers on the buttons
anymore.
   You know, I've seen remotes that were a lot slenderer than the standard.
I wonder how it would feel to have one of those...

That's an interesting first paragraph, there.

ROTFL!

What happens when you run out of juice, Mark?  Does the end come off
some you can put in more batteries?

heh!!!

I wanna know what happens when it just stops working all together....Can you
just go out and buy another..Do you take your wife with you so you can pick
one out together?

This response has been erased.

If you don't use it enough, though, the batteries explode and corrode...

No, you don't take your wife.  You go out alone and buy a massively
complicated programmable universal remote so advanced that you can't figure
it out.  then your wife goes and buys one of those simplified ones with just
channel and volume, which you end up using after claiming that you the one
you bought was defective.

Just kidding!  And feel free to substitute ("non gender-specific SO" for wife)

HOw did we end up with two active items in this conf...both talking about the
phalice?

What are phalice?

Let's just say that most men have a phalic member...

Yeah, the House Unamerican Activities Committee held hearings
about that back in the 1950's: "Have you now, or have you ever
had, a phallic member?"

Oh!  I am glad you cleared that one up.  I was afraid they were some kind of
insect.

An insect...That would be know as Head Lice....

I categorically deny the allegations that have been spread by my enemies
and my detractors that I once was associated with and/or in possession of
a phallic member.  I refute all allegations that I in fact has been in
association with individuals who have been associated with and/or in
possession of phallic members.  This slander, these libellous accusations
were spread by those who would see me incarcerated for treasonous 
activities.  Let us praise these great United States, and band together
to strike down the scourge of the phallus which has suffocated the great
culture of humanity for the last three millenia.

(Sorry.  Just thought I'd have that on public record in case the 
feminazis that keep Rush awake at nights ever get the power he's afraid
of them getting... no sense me going down with him, eh?  *giggle*)

(The preceding was a humorous piece intended to ridicule both ends of 
the political spectrum at once.  Its views do not reflect the actual
views of this Bulletin Board System, or of the InterNet.)

<bubu Laughs Hysterically>

Sorry Brighn but I have pictures that would show the contrary.....

Maybe the boys on the Congressional Panel for the  Investigation of United
States Citizens harbouring Phallic Members would be interested in seeing these
Photos...

Or Maybe A payoff could be arranged...

Photos?  Eep!  $2 Mil and all the negatives get destroyed, right?

$2 Mil and a couple more photos.....and you get all the negatives as well as
photos...

Well it seems I have found the remote control for this Cf.  Let's see if i
can turn the cf on again....Hmmm...No thats not it...hmmmm Oh there it goes.
I will put the remote in a safe place so that it wont get lost again.

Dan, that's not the remote!

See now I knew I forgot to put that thing away!!!!

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