Grex Helpers Conference

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Grex Helpers Item 19: Humor that only helpers would get
Entered by robh on Fri Oct 7 01:30:56 UTC 1994:

Here's something I snatched from rec.humor.funny.  Enjoy!


From mec@shell.portal.com Thu Oct  6 21:28:40 EDT 1994
Subject: Transcripts from the General Motors help line

[This is original.  I made it up myself.]

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how
to drive.  Imagine if they did ...

---

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
           and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to
           know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

---

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh?  How do I know?"
HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
           markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'.  What does that mean?"
HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
           some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself or pay the
           vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What?  I paid $12,000 for this car!  Now you tell me that I
           have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes
           with everything built in!"

---

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck!"
HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
           way to the floor.  It worked for a while and then it crashed and
           it won't start now!
HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do you
           expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
           crash any more!"

---

HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it
           has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
           power brakes, and power door locks."
HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person.  I just want to go places in my car!"

11 responses total.

#1 of 11 by popcorn on Fri Oct 7 21:17:01 1994:

This response has been erased.

#2 of 11 by jshafer on Wed Oct 12 00:13:00 1994:

ROTFL!

#3 of 11 by rcurl on Wed Oct 12 06:16:54 1994:

Shouldn't be too hard to translate that into unix ;-).

#4 of 11 by dlboyle on Fri Oct 21 23:52:20 1994:

Ok, I bite...how do I get into the usenet groups from the confmenu??
An andswer here or in email would be greatly appreciated...

#5 of 11 by robh on Sat Oct 22 03:36:22 1994:

What in Hecate's name is a confmenu?

From most places, either "trn" or "!trn" will get you into a
news-reader program.  Of course, Grex's news disk is down
for a while, so it won't work right away.

#6 of 11 by popcorn on Sun Oct 23 02:43:12 1994:

This response has been erased.

#7 of 11 by rcurl on Sun Oct 23 05:53:00 1994:

I'm glad to see that (sshhhhh!) (enter) isn't in confmenu. ;-).

#8 of 11 by popcorn on Sun Oct 23 12:26:24 1994:

This response has been erased.

#9 of 11 by gabygirl on Wed Oct 2 22:17:19 1996:

Heh, the sad thing is that some people will actually ask that! ;--)

#10 of 11 by unknown on Thu Oct 10 01:28:49 1996:

#11 of 11 by davel on Thu Oct 10 13:54:37 1996:

eh?

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