Within the last couple of weeks, several of my friends, on different occations
told me (completely jokingly) that I'm a fag hag, and I have been forced to
sit around and ponder the definition of fag hag to try to agrue the point that
I'm not one.

So, y'all, what's the definition of a fag hag?

47 responses total.

I define it as a girl who has a TON of gay male friends *on
purpose*.  As in, you hunt them down and make them your friend.  And
I HATE that term!  Ugh...  

It's used jokingly if you *just happen* to have a lot of gay
friends.

I didn't think it mattered whether you had gay friends on purpose or not.
And I thought it was a term of endearment, not a slam.

In "Threesome," it's clearly an insult.

I don't think it's an issue of *a lot* of gay friends. I was of the opinion
it was something along these lines:

Women who hang out with gay men because it makes them feel more secure
(because they're not likely to get date-raped by a gay friend), because it's
cool PC to have gay friends, and/or because they believe the stereotypes that
gay men have good senses of fashion and make-up. In short, women who befrien
gay men for prejudicial reasons.

Personally, I'd prefer the term "homophiliac," since it's both a pun and more
accurate. =}

I'd agree with that assessment.  It does seem to be a security, but I'd say
the same is true for gays, especially those who are just coming out.  It's
convenient for the gay man because a 'fag hag' deflects some suspicion.

'fag hag'
                c.f. 'beard' (women have 'em too)

I always heard it as an insult.  I agree with the sterotypical
thing, too.  I hate people who hang out with gay men because
"they're fun to take dancing and shopping".  Ugh.

Maybe it's because gay men are among the few men who will have fun dancing
and shopping.

I like to go dancing and shopping, but I'm not a typical guy.

Anyway, it does make you wonder what their relationships are like with
straight men.

Re: #5 - "hate"???  Are you just venting gypsi, or is there some reason
for the intense negative word?

My little-informed impression is that it's an insulting term used by horny 
rednecks to insult women whos' standards are too high to hang around with
said (frustrated, obnoxious, angry) rednecks.  I know that "lesbian" is
similarly used in some circles as an insulting term for a woman who doesn't 
date.  

Insulting terms aside, i seen nothing at all wrong with this.  Freedom of 
assembly and all....

I've heard of it, and I don't think it was from horny rednecks, or that the
women in question had "high standards."  I think it _can_ be a confidence and
safety thing.

However, I did remember a guy I worked with who seemed frustrated with his
girlfriend because she seemed obsessed with gay guys.  (He wasn't a redneck,
either-- more of a stoner.)  Sure enough, I saw her holding hands with some
guy I knew was gay.  I doubt he minded-- a couple of jobs later, he came to
the convenience store I worked at with some model-looking chicks.

I dunno exactly what 'fag hags' get out of their deal, but it would seem to
me gay men get a cover.

When I was in high school, it was kind of a joke that that I was a "fag 
hag", because I had a lot of gay men as friends.  But it was really just 
a coincidence that so many of my friends (at least 3/4 of the men I was 
close with) were gay men.  

I guess what I got out of it was good friends, without any chance of 
anything else, which is a problem I often had before I befriended so 
many gay men, when most of my friends were straight men-- I would fall 
for someone, who would look on me as just a friend, or someone would 
fall for me who I would look on as a brother... that's kind of annoying. 
So I liked being a "fag hag" becuase that kind of tension didn't exist-- 
I got to hang out with guys (I've always had more guys than girls as 
friends), without any of the annoying complications that usually went 
with it.  (Then again, now, most of my friends are straight men, and I 
haven't had any real problems....)

It was a vent, i, but I really dislike people like that because it
means they're shallow.

My dearest friend is a gay man, and my circle of friends has evolved partly
from his; therefore I spend a lot of time with 1, 2, a few, or many gay
men at a time. There`s no pretense (as to 'beards'). NOne of my gay friends
seems to care about being 'out.' 

Maybe it seems like stereotyping, but my gay men friends are just plain
nicer and more fun than most of my other friends. They take care of me
when I need taking care of.

#9> Paragraph one says it was entirely a coincidence. Paragraph two says you
deliberately sought gay males as friends because of the reasons I cited.
Which is it?

hmm, i never really thoguht about it much, but althoguht i rarely
use the term i don't consider it a put-down...
hell, lately i seem to be the neighborhood "dyke-daddy"
all joking aside,  using the flip side as a base, i dont "get" anyig
out of it..
think it falls into the coincidence taht a lot of my good freinds
just happen to be gay.
whether it be from an enlarging group of friends or the fact that um
well..
most gay i know are just 'nice' in general...
of coiurse taht is relative to  hick-redneck-stc stc other
sterotypes blah blah blah

<bob wanders off to ponder>

That's pretty much my experience, too Katie.  A lot of my male friends are
gay and I find them and their friends to be better than average company...but
I haven't especially sought them out it just sort of happens that way.  (Get
to know one person you like to spend time with, meet their friends, and before
you know it a large percentage of your favorite people have something in
common, whether it's being gay or being avid bowlers.

As to why women like to hang out with gay guys...I can oly speak for myself,
but it's largely a cultural thing.  I don't like guys or not because of their
sexuality but guys who are active in "gay lifestyles" tend to like many of
the same things and have many of the same passtimes as i do.  We have a
"symaptico" thing going, I guess.

I've often referred to my self jokingly as a "fag hag" because for a few years
there I kept falling head ovre heels for guys, only to discover that they were
gay.  They were nice people, they treated people well, they had better than
average grooming and fashion sense (for the gang I was familiar with), and
we had stuff in common.  <shrug>  Maybe I'm falling for stereotypes, but I
don't think so.  My husband (who is also bi-) has all those qualities and
they're what attracted me to him, too.

#14> That makes sense. I tend to hang out wiht women more than men because
I can'ts eem to understand most of the male macho things (football, car
repair, etc.). Unfortunately, because I'm bi and flirtatious, a lot of people
(men and women) seem to think that my preference for women is guided by an
unending urge to bed everyone. ={ It isn't; if it were, I'd work harder at
hanging out with guys, because I'm bi. =} *giggles*

Re #12: Actually, you seem to have misread me... Let me see if I can clear
this up: the fact that in teh second half of high school most of my friends
were gay men wasn't something I sought out.  But what liked about it was the
reasons I cited.  No matter what, I would have had guys for most of my friends
(more than likely, anyway), but since they were gay, none of them fell in love
with me, and I accepted them as on the list of people I couldn't date, even
if I wanted to.  I don't know why most of my friends are men... but since I
was about 14, that's simply the way my life has been-- I've gotten along
better with men than with most women, though I've had some very close female
friends... I don't know.  

More of my friends are men, too.  Shared interests?  And women often seem to
want to talk about how they feel about a problem, rather than finding a
solution to it.  I try to remember that they just want a sympathetic
listener, not suggestions.

Strangely enough, a lot of my friends have been women; well, if you're talking
about my age group.  It's been getting a bit better now that I'm getting
closer to 25 and I've been in college-- college filters out a few of the idiot
guys and it's easier for me to find someone with an enlightened opinion.

I dunno.  It doesn't always work the other way gender-wise when it comes to
homosexual folks; most lesbians always seemed scared of me.  (Then again,
until I start talking to people, I suppose being 6'1" and 275 lbs. doesn't
help much.  A good deal is muscle, too.)  I remember one exception-- a lesbian
I worked with in food service at Whitman.  I was on a depressive swing (I'm
manic-depressive) and was trying to hide so no one could see me cry.  She
always acted tough, but she just melted when she found me with tears rolling
down my face.  First woman to kindly wipe away my tears :)

I've had mixed reactions with the gay guys I've met-- one was really flighty,
one was really sweet, but his boyfriend was an asshole; one..uh, never mind--
don't need to talk about him.

afterthought.. it depends, I suppose.  things have changed since I started
making myself known..which reminds me, I gotta go-- time for the G.A.L.A.
meeting

one of these days Jon, were doing Coffee......
one of these days

a nice herbal tea for me, please.  Personally, I'd love to, really, if I can
find the money.  The university is draining me-- and so is getting married.

*sigh*  if only I could take time off and try to teach private lessons..not
sure what I'd teach, though-- piano, maybe..not accomplished enough in
classical guitar or voice to do lessons yet

e-mail me about it..I will at least call you in the very near future

Re #4:  That surprises you?

I always thot a "fag-hag" was a hetero woman who chased after gay guys.  Do
you think there could be a male version that chases lesbians?

Not really..most of my sister's beards were gay or bi guys.  Beards are even
more of a cover, in my opinion.

I've never heard 'fag hag' applied to a woman who _chases_ gay guys, but I
guess that works too. And of course there's a male version, there just isn't
an insulting name for him yet.

        It's generally been applied to women who *surround themselves* with
gay men.  The male equivalent is a "dyke daddy".

Oh. Of course.

Women who *chase* gay guys are typically called "nuns," if the aim is to sleep
with said gay guys (they're trying to convert the gays, hence "nun.")

oh.  Nuns.  Hrm..never heard that term.

So then guys who "chase after" lesbians would be....priests?

<sputter>  <lol>

        No, no, priests chase after little boys ...

ooooohhhhh..I did not need to hear that..that brings an entirely different
concept to mind (;

Mmmmmmyeah.

I don'think the term "fag hag" implies anything that the user of the world
would not intend it to imply.  For example, in Armisted Maupin (a prominant
gay writer)'s classic novel, Tales of the City, the character uses the term
to describe herself to her gay friend Mouse.  Furthermore, several of my
female friends have described themselves as "fag hags" and see nothing wrong
with the idea.  It happens by default and the group you hang around...nothing
psycological

        There's definitely a prejorative meaning, as well, that refers to a
woman that habitually falls in love with gay men.  I'd say there's something
psychological to that meaning.

I always thought it meant she attracts gay men, not is attracted to them.

woman who loves and/or hangs around gay men
shrinks love it; shit load of theories
<shrug>
i just use the term good naturedly w/ friends
(comming from a dyke daddy)

<snickers then lol>

The interesting thing is that fag hags can be straight.  I can't see a 
dyke daddy being straight; seeing as you are bi, Beebo, I figure they 
see you as safe.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss