Ok, heres a question: 
how did all of you who are currently dating/married to a gay/bi/lesbian
partner meet each other? I ask because I assume that it might not always be
so easier for you, given the tradition of descrimination towards homosexuality
in this country... this part of the country isn't exactly the bible-belt, but
it isn't the most liberal place either. I am guessing that it is likely rather
difficult for all of you to meet in the "traditional" settings of school and
work, out of the difficulty in finding other g/l/b's and not offending
heterosexuals...

Is The Flame open again?

-drew

87 responses total.

I'm in a relationship with a MOTOS right now (have been for, um, almost 16
years now), and have an odd relationship with another MOTOS, but don't have
any MOTSS relationships right now. ={ The MOTSS people I've had encounters
with have been the result of Pagan gatherings... Pagans tend to be more open
about such things, so it's easier to meet and getinvolved with MOTSS's, but
that's assuming (a) you're Pagan and (b) there are any Pagan events in your
area. I'm not the sort to go to bars to pick people up, gay or straight.

   hmmm. i used to spend a lot of time in bars picking people up, but
rarely found anything more than a one-night stand there. most of my
s.o.'s i met through friends. i make it a personal policy never to date
anyone from work.

The Flame never closed.  It just moved.  It's next door the Kana, now.

This is actually something I've been wondering about myself...not that it's
of much direct importance to me, being as I'm also in a straight relationship
right now, but as a matter of curiousity...

well i actually * met* denise in high school.. we were both Drama/Orchestra
geeks ;)
but she is 3 years my Junior and we didn't actually 'hang' back then.
we "re-met" by mutual friends. started talking about old times. and found out
HEY! we had something else in common... bisexcuality.. led to many nights of
great talks.. and many months of a great relationship
FYI the poor girl is heading off to Oregon in 10 days.. leaving me here..
alone. well for the time being anyway
strange thing is.. for as much as she 'appreciates' women.. by the time we
met we both had males as our last 2 partners.
hmm 7am time fer bed eh folks?

I met my current sweetie working as Santa in the mall..she was one of Santa's
helpers.

We've talked about my sexuality..she understands it :)  I'm loyal and I
wouldn't leave a gem like her, really..also, accepting it, I think it's made
things easier.

Whoops..actually, she's not bi.  But that makes it even better.  What we have
in common is family members and friends that are gay.  But I really worried
about offending heterosexuals..y'know, even bi women aren't that hot on
sharing their men.  She joked that if she saw a hot guy, she'd point him out
for me. (;  But really, I like this relationship as it stands, and I don't
feel the need for gratification elsewhere..

she's also 6 1/2 years my junior-- which I'm uncertain makes her acceptance
unusual or more likely..

whyu would you be worried about offending hetero's? did I miss
somehting..

Well, I know a while back my girlfriend and I were talking about some TV show
or another and she mentioned that she found the lead character really 
cute - and then had to backtrack and ask if that offended me.  (I said it
didn't, and now we both point out cute guys for each other with some
regularity..)
I think lumen might be talking about the same sort of thing in reverse -
worrying that his GF might be offended if he finds other guys attractive.

        I still maintain that your SO isn't the best person in the world to
confide *all* of your thoughts to (especially if they aren't secure enough
to realise people can be attracted and yet remain completely monogamous), 
but that's the kind of thing I'd hope my SOs were stable and honest enough
to confide in me with, when it was appropriate.  It doesn't make great
dinner-table conversation though.

It was appropriate, because..well, she did take me to see _In & Out._  I also
don't think it's appropriate to be hoochin' or cruisin' with your SO.  Sure,
your eyes may stray, but I do agree with jazz..does it need to be shared?

In broad areas besides sexuality, I don't think you can share too much of
yourself with your SO-- I mean, you should share how much you think your SO
can handle, or however much he/she tells you.  I think this is part of the
concepts of "taking it slow" and "going too fast."  If neither of you has a
problem with being fairly open, and you're progressive individuals, I wouldn't
worry.  Some people can continue to be full of surprises.

See, I disagree with both of you.  My SO and I are both very open about who
we're attracted to, and neither of us have much of a problem with it.  There
was one semi-crisis earlier when she divulged something of that sort to me,
and it took me a while to get over it, but now I don't even mind.

heeh i guess knowing that your relationship is strong and open
enough should be the first thought ;)
d' abd I always ponted out "cuties" and usually jsut had a good
laugh at it. we knew it was safe.. and hell IF there was more I;m
guessing THAT is when she wouldn't say anything... nor probably
would I

good point

        Depends a lot on the person.  I wouldn't be involved with anyone who
was so insecure that they couldn't handle the thought that their partner
could (*eep!*) be *attracted* to someone else ... but if you did, I can see
being quiet about it, and there's no point to bringing it up each time that
it happense ...

...Semi-crisis, eh? Yeah, I guess you could call it that. :)

Hi y'all, I'm back!

(and yet john would be invovled with someone who'd be involved with someone
who was so insecure that they couldn't handle the thought that their partner
could be *attracted* to someone else...)
*g*

        Uh, enough flaming, dweezil.  If monogamy were the hallmark of 
insecurity, you'd be monogamous yourself.

Monogamy and insecurity are unrelated.
And back with the name-calling? If we're going to have a flame-war, could we
at least stick to adult tactics?
*g*

<sigh>  It would be nice if we could avoid having another item fall prey to
Brighn-induced flaming...

No. I bait. Jazz flames. Miles trolls.
Get your terms straight... =}

*grin*

<sigh>  <again. :)

I amend that. #23 was definitely a bait. =}

<brown doen't bait, flame, or troll......However if you do end up
with a abite.. why nor mount it.

        Whatever happened to fly fishing?

i couldn't figure out what kind of bait to use... and besides, flies are
small, not worth the effort of fishing for them

Hey, be a little charitable - I thought 23 was still well within the bounds
of trolling :)

re #20, I think it was, is there any difference between a woman involved with
a bi man pointing out cute men to him, and a woman involved with a hetero man
pointing out cute women to him?  For instance, if this man happens to like
long blond hair and his partner has short black hair, is there any reasons
to be offended if the man likes to look at other people, or even talk to them?
No two people are a perfect match, and it does not have to be perceived as
a threat.

Is the woman involved with the het guy herself a bi?  If not, there *is* 
a difference. 

Well, if your SO *knows* that you're really insecure and don't like it, 
then looks at/talks to/whatever others anyway when you're around, maybe
it's a reason to be offended.  I'd say for sure that it's a reason for
your SO to dump you.

I might phrase that, instead of referring to dumping, as that the couple were
not all that compatible in some respects and might be better off uncoupled.
I don't feel at all jealous about my partner talking to other people.  Is
jealousy something that can be outgrown over time, or are some people always
going to be jealous no matter who they are with, or are they only jealous in
situations where there is not that much compatibility and the relation is
likely to fall apart with little provocation?

Like any other mental hang-up, jealousy is something that some people get
over/grow out of, some people don't, and some people phase in and out of.
It seem pretty stupid to me to get jealous over a SO that you don't fit
very well with anyway, but jealousy is based in insecurity, and....

Yeah, jealousy is definitely something you grow out of.  I happen to find it
unattractive in myself - I can often sympathize when other people are jealous,
but I don't like _having_ that trait - so I'm making an effort to get over
it.  It's possible, it just involved stretching your mind a little...

I have two friends in their 40s-50s, together for 7 years, who are still
jealous of each other.  They are also not talking to each other half of the
time.  I don't know if this is simply incompatibility or they are just like
that.  To the best of my knowledge, neither is or has been interested in
anyone else during this time.  Maybe more emotionally-controlled people just
have more problems with jealousy.  Would you believe one of the couple called
us, when we invited the other one to a restaurant (non-vegetarian, this was
the non-vegetarian half of the couple), to ask who else was going, as if we
were planning a secret blind date?  And my partner was married to someone who
was always jealous, and was particularly upset than my partner was never
jealous because this signified (to the ex-spouse) lack of love.

Jealousy is a neon sign that someone is going to be
extremely high-maintenance.  Run.  Run fast.

Not necessarily, mary.  Some people like high-maintenance types - makes them
feel needed, I guess.  

Jealousy is a neon sign that someone is jealous.
Making grand generalizations is a neon sign that someone has a tendency to
be closed-minded and, in this case, selfish.

You of course, may, disagree. ;-)

Always with you, Mary. =}

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss