Grex Glb Conference

View Responses

Grex Glb Item 18: I'm attracted to a couple :(
Entered by lumen on Mon Nov 10 07:33:02 UTC 1997:

I became interested recently in a girl, but I found out she has a steady.
The problem is this: he's devastatingly cute, sweet, and charming as well.
You see, I met him before I met the girl at a Campus Housing social I crashed
at the beginning of the quarter.

Complications?  Sure.  We're all Mormon, so I dare not tell them.  I assume
(at least now) that they're both straight.

10 responses total.

#1 of 10 by orinoco on Mon Nov 10 20:11:04 1997:

While I've never been in this situation before, I've come pretty close, and
even just coming close was difficult.  
How much does being Mormon prevent you from telling, and which pieces could
you tell?  How certain are you that they're straight?  To what extent would
getting to know them as friends help, and to what extent would it make things
worse?
Good luck dealing with this, Jon.

#2 of 10 by lumen on Tue Nov 11 05:32:22 1997:

Getting to know them as friends would certainly help.  I still don't think
I want to take the risk of telling them, because what if one of them talked?
If a leader found out, that'd be one thing.  My membership has been in
jeopardy because of my lack of good moral conduct, and perhaps this would be
another step to getting cut off.  If others found out, that would be much more
devastating.  That would almost undubitably force me to come out at least to
the community.  Not good.  This university's in a cow town, and that would
definitely set me up for ridicule.  I mean, it's worse than surburbia.

I'm going to hurt one way or the other, so I can't lose if I keep my
friendship with both of them, and try to strengthen it.  How much do you know
about the Mormons, Dan?  It's not kosher to come out-- even if you promise
not to act upon it (which idea my sis thinks is dumb).  You just don't talk
about your sexuality.  Also, if I told them, I don't know if I could tell the
guy.  Anyway, in any event, I'd have to make sure they were ready and that
I could trust them if I ever did tell them.

#3 of 10 by jazz on Tue Nov 11 17:32:43 1997:

        Yeah, I'd imagine the only way that you could come out of this without
losing a friendship is if the couple were swingers before the fact (which is
possible regardless of religious affiliation), and they confided that fact
in you at some point.

#4 of 10 by lumen on Tue Nov 11 22:11:27 1997:

Well, obviously, my best option is to say nothing and preserve the
friendships.

#5 of 10 by jazz on Wed Nov 12 17:17:20 1997:

        If I were in that situation, that's what I'd do.  If the couple's
not interested in that kind of thing (pretty likely), there's probably not
any right thing to say or to do that'll change that, and if they are, or are
so inclined, then the best way to introduce those kinds of themes would be
in a situation of trust and comfort.

#6 of 10 by void on Thu Nov 13 19:01:34 1997:

   i agree with jazz. lovers come and go, but friends are always there.

#7 of 10 by brown on Sat Nov 15 23:42:13 1997:

don't F*&( up the freindship.. then again what will strengthen it. or bring
it to new horizons,,
 you never can tell

#8 of 10 by lumen on Tue Nov 18 23:25:41 1997:

Whatever.. the friends I do have are rather poor.. yes, friends are always
there, but they are rarely there for you :(

#9 of 10 by void on Thu Nov 20 19:20:58 1997:

   not at all, unless you have lousy friends. what i meant by "lovers
come and go but friends are always there" is that when your lovers
leave, you can turn to your friends for support.

#10 of 10 by orinoco on Sun Nov 23 22:52:37 1997:

(..and also, though this may not be what void meant, that, although love seems
more important, an existing friendship is more worth pursuing than the
possibility of love...)

Response not possible - You must register and login before posting.