Another question of age.  
Whenever I hear about a couple getting married straight out of high school,
my reaction is immediately that they're rushing into it.  On the other hand,
marriage _is_ a joyous occasion.  So, when does getting married go from a Good
Thing to a Bad Thing?

20 responses total.

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  If you love each other, it can never be a bad thing.

  I guess if Valerie can drop a bomb, so can I. Marlene and Nick, who is her
current SO, will be hitched come next Feb 14.

  This will be #3 for Marlene, and I wish her luck on this one. I have never
been married, and I guess it's because I saw what happened to Marlene's first
two marraiges. I don't think I would be able to handle divorce very well.

I got married while I was still in college, and to my first real
boyfriend -- and I lucked out immensely. Bruce and I have been married
twenty years, and it has been a very happy life. OTOH, my best friend/
room-mate got married about a year before  I did, and she just got
her divorce finalized last Thursday. I normally don't believe
in early marriage, simply becasue I think most people have to grow up before
they can committ to something, but then again .... I managed to luck out
on my first try in the world of romance. So what do I know?

It's more a matter of maturity than age, and although there is some
correlation between the two, the correlation is far from perfect.  Depending
on what you've experienced through life, you may feel older and more ready
for something at a given age than the next person.

However sometimes I think the most mature decision you can make is realizing
that you're not quite ready for something yet.

Yea, it depends far more on when people are mentally mature than on counted
years.  But "not old enough" is only one of a jillions ways to go *really*
wrong in marriage.

  I think both Jan and Valerie are well balanced, thoughtful and compatable.
I would venture to guess that it's gonna last 150 yrs. ;)

Oop, was I being inadvertantly relevant?  I didn't intend this item that way,
just another thought to consider...

Maturity maturity maturity.  My parents got married as soon as my mother
graduated, and they've been together for over thirty years and are still in
love.  I also know people I graduated with who got married right after
graduation and are divorced now.  They weren't very mature, or did it for the
wrong reasons, so I wasn't surprised.  It really depends on the couple.

Hear hear Birdy.
Of course commitment demands a certain degree of maturity, but as in my case
I too often came across simply the wrong person, with the result that I am
still single (though not to much satisfaction). If I was ready to commit I
got dumped like that. It always have blamed the fact that I look way too young
for my age, and therefore still attract very young women, who aren't ready
When I try court a woman my age many of them don't believe I am way over 25.
Being goodlooking can be a burden.

(How old are you, clees?)

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And then it doesn't.
I am 35 birdy.

There is no catch-all way to tell if a relationship will work out. 
Maturity usually implies more life experience.  This increases the
probability that a relationship works out.  As someone else stated before
there are lots of reasons a relationship can fail.  Having more life
experience may help you see the problems earlier, yet it doesn't give a
"yes" or "no" answer to the question of whether it will last.

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Who the **** is talking about two weeks? Two years.
Love's gotta grow. It's an illusion to think you can love somebody after two
weeks. You are IN love, and that's a whole different story.
Got also to do with knowing somebody.

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When I was 21-23, I was dying to get married, although no one was in the
picture. I saw it as a way of my life falling into place. Now I am glad I
didn't have the chance to do that. Some friends who married at that age are now
divorced. I can't imagine being 25 and already divorced.

As *The Mother's Almanac* says, sometimes a marriage is only held together 
by sex and good manners.  If two people both have manners, and what used to
be called common sense, and each seriously wants to marry the other, then 
they'll do pretty well at any age.  If serious thought flew out of their 
minds when sex-related thought came in, they're probably headed for trouble
at any age. 

I think the sex and good manners thing comes into *any* marriage at one point
or another -- but I'd hate to be stuck in a marriage that was only held
together that way most of the time.

(You may always love your spouse, but probably won't always be in love with
your spouse.  If you are good to each other and stick out the dry time, the
romance makes its way back again and you fall into a deeper, richer love. 
The the cycle repeats.

Possible, and as far as I can see quite correct.
But, the horror (horror, pff) starts when the stage of commitments is reached
when the other party is considerably younger. I am talking about after a
couple of yrears of dating steady. It can be very frightening, and even
choking to realize that at your young age, this stage is reached. Maybe that's
what happenend.

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