Being a MAN, I suppose I can't know exactly the nature and extent of
women's concerns, however, having had three sisters, various femme friends,
intimates, reading pop culture, I do get the flavor of some of the stuff,
and...  dealing with women, seeing how women deal with me... society can
be disappointing.  I just saw the video "EATING" about women and eating.
This evening, and a couple of other times while dining at Amer's for a
sandwich, I had occasion to use the euphemism room.  The MEN
Men's room was occupies but the Women's room was free and clear.
The Women's room always seems to have a faint reek of VOMIT in it.
I want to spark a discussion about FOOD and women.  What is the current
state of things?  Pretty messed up, I suppose.  Enlighten me about this.
I had a sister who was Bulemic (sp?) years ago for about 4 years.  I also
dated a woman for a while who had this problem.   Practically every woman
I've talked with has mentioned serious emotional disturbances regarding
body image.

26 responses total.

Perhaps Cosmo should be banned.

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Yeah, but then what will teen-aged boys whack off to?

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Maybe even... imagination???

naahh...

From an anthropological standpoint, most cultures had various body-image
fetishes.  Most of these were directed at women.  This phenomenon spans
time.  Victorian beauties were plump and rosey cheeked with impossibly small
cinched (tortured) waistlines.  Fertility gods tens of thousands of years
old were impossibly shaped emphasizing breasts and hips.  Physical attributes
of MEN (thought desirable) were I think, more consistent, strength being
the primary concern, notwithstanding the splinter groups in the U.S. that
currently worship the bloated steroid look.  Women, however, have been tossed
around with great alacrity between emaciated to obese.  Modern marketing tools
make it easier to create temporary fast-moving fads that attract the attentions
of those easily duped and affect the way people treat each other in general.

It all stems from primordeal needs somewhere to appear -- desirable for mating
I suppose.  But the fashion facists have certainly figured out how to 
capitalize on this primary human need.

Certainly, not-buying COSMO and other bizarre magazines is one tactic people
can use to counteract these forces of social illness.  But there are many
many people who still continue to be obsessed with body image and will still
make purchasing decisions based on their need to look appropriately desirable,
and by in large will treat other humans in a biased way, depending upon
appearance.

I don't have any answers here -- really.  I'm not a woman.  I can only watch
this stuff and act in accord with my best conscience.  

I guess I'd like to hear some responses from women explaining how their lives
have been affected and what they personally have done to keep the wretched
mess from stomping them down -- testimonials, that sort of stuff...

While this doesn't meet the request in #6 directly, my fiancee at one point
last fall came up with a cartoon she'd like to draw or have drawn.  It goes
like this.

Frame 1: two women sitting at a table in a restaurant.  They are skeletal in
appearance.  They hold menus.
Frame 2: Waitron approaches, asks "Can I get you anything?"  Women answer:
"No thanks, just browsing."

Its sad but true that many women [and some men, too] have problems
relating to food. And its more prevelant than a lot of people realize it
is.  Its too bad that society feels it needs to put this stress on idealizing
the female beauty 'myth' but even moreso, the number of people that go along
with it!  

Having been down this road myself, I can say it stems from  a low-self esteem
nd our culture. When I was in high shcool, the cool thing to do was not eat.
People asked me why I was surprised when my friends would (and still) say
things like "Oh, I'm not hungry, I just ate an Oreo." Or the 100-pound girl
who did eat an Oreo and complained she was a cow afterwards. It was
practically a contest to see who could starve herself the longest. Yes, I know
it's sick. And if you don't feel like straving, just purge. Girls getting into
this think it's a magic way to stay slim, and have no idea they'll have to
gothrough hell itself to get out.

I waas generally comfortable with my body, but that's because I was
the kid who was nicknamed skinnybones.  When I finally developed as
a teenager, and later than most of my friends did, I was so delighted with
curves that I would not have starved myself for the world.  I realized
very quickly that boys responded more positively to a little extra flesh
than to an emaciated look.  I had *hated* being too skinny.  I was also
fortunate to have a metabolism which allowed me to eat 1/2 gallon of ice
cream after school and never gain an ounce.

Now I'm in my late 30s, 3 kids and a 4th on the way and that blessed
metabolism disappeared with my 30th birthday.  I don't diet, my body's not
what it used to be, but I am comfortable and that's most important to me.

I have severeal friends and a relative who were/are bulemic and anorexic. 
From what I know of them, their heads were so messed up that low self
esteem and poor body image were but a small part of the problem.  

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Low self esteem and a WARPED body image. An anprexic can look in a mirror,
be skin and bones, and see fat. As unfair as it is, looks count in this
society. I agree that most guys like curves instead of sticks. But there's
still the guy who thinks you're a cow if you're 5'10" and 130. Sick. But I
see so much more of this in women... it was terrible when I was in high
school, the pressure to be bones. I'm 23 now and the other night I was eating
dinner with 2 women friends. I was hungry and had popcorn shrimp and soup.
The other had a tiny fruit place and baked potato, saying she wasn't too
hungry since she had a small bad or doritos for lunch. The other (who is not
anorexic, just tiny) ate nothing because she "ate lunch"... a small bowl of
chili. These are people who consider a Chee-to dinner!! It's like food is bad
and hunger is unnatural, and if you eat, you're a weak glutton..

I love food.  I love good food and junk food.  
As a teen/young adult I had a dynomite body.  It was a gift, or rather
a loan.  I never worked at it, and gravity and age has taken over; my
curves have sunk quite a few inches and softened!

But I thank goodness that I was given enough self esteem to 
not worry about my body, or little enough vanity to care.  I  now
discourage people from complimenting my kids too much on their looks.
I prefer to instill a more lasting sense of self worth.  (I find
telling the older one that she looks lovely when she does than 
going on and on about someone's curls).

I find dining with non-eaters really can spoil my enjoyment of
a meal, tho' not my appetite!

And yes, all copies of Cosmo ever made, or that will ever be made, must be
destroyed NOW. Helen Gurley Brown is the anitchrist. And skinny to the point
where she is scrawny and icky. So there.

If she (Helen Gurley Brown) doesn't look like she has an eating disorder, I
don't know anyone who does. 

I gave up reading Cosmo when I was 24.  I gradually realized that I'd
read Cosmo, and within a few hours I'd be depressed, crying, and completely
unable to explain why.  Gradually it sunk in that I was spoon feeding myself
propaganda that said I didn't measure up and never could.  I don't
need that kind of grief.  

Now I make it a point to surround myself with images of beautiful women
of all sized and shapes and to, on meeting someone new, find what makes
them uniquely attractive.  With a little practice it got so I never
again met anyone who wasn't beautiful ... and it has boosted my self
esteem, too, to practice seeing beauty every where.

Couldn't agree more.  I think I "read" Cosmo once, thought, "Who are they
kidding?" and never graced its banal pages again. 

Brown has been quoted as adovacting adultery if you're not getting enough at
home... nice way to just run out instead of facing problems head on at home.
What annoys me about her is her attitude... she's had so many facelifts that
it looks like her face will split if she smiles, and you can just tell she
thinks she's all that and a bag of chips. Her magazine is sex-based, and yet
she has only run ONE article on AIDS... and it was to inform you that you're
not at as much risk as you think. I like to think that women need to band
together and support each other, but this woman seems to be adamant on
turning back the clock along with undermining womankind. And the superskinny
ugly models? Don't start with me.

It's all in the attitude! I am blessed/cursed with a set of wide Germanic hips
and thighs that tend to chunk a bit, but *most people don't notice* because
I have worked to develop and maintain good posture, along with what has been
politely referred to as a "fetching" walk.
Thank you, Mom, for constantly reminding me throughout childhood that I am
smart and beautiful. It made all the difference!
I feel truly sorry for people who rely on appearance for a sense of worth.

My Mom was anorexic for most of my childhood.  That's coloured my feelings
about food and about what a woman should look like.  I never became a 
dangerous anorexic, but I find that I too have a 
"love/hate" relationship with food.  Little things that I'd never been
aware of picking up ... like a tendency to 'forget" to eat when I'm
feeling stressed or sad.  I honestly often don't notice the cues that
should tell me it's time to eat until I'm woozy and cranky.

Also, there are times when I can barely stand the thought of eating.  The 
hungrier I get, the more the thought of food disgusts me.  If I eat the
same flavours for too long, it isn't long before I have to force
myself to eat at all.  Symptoms,I suspect, of growing up with a mother with
an eating disorder and a father who alternated between telling me I was
too fat and laughing while his friends fondled me, telling me how
much more womanly I was than my mother.  (Scary concept to a nine year
old.)

I think I've essentially got it under control, but I still notice that
when I'm feeling lonely or stressed I can barely tolerate the idea of
food, and if I choke anything at all down, it's likely to be something
dreadful.  (Cold Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee straight from the can, f'rinstance)

It's hard not to develop an eating disorder in a culture that tells
us all to fit one pattern for beauty, no matter how alien it is to
our genetics.  It's hard to maintain a healthy attitude toward our
body and our food when the message is that "There's no such thing as too rich
or too thin"

I admire those strong women who've achieved it.

You must be quite strong yourself!

I suspect that not eating when stressed is more common.  Last fall when I had
a really stressful 10 days at a customer site, I dropped 5 pounds.

I think it can go either way.  If you're stressed over exams or work, 
you'll be working so hard, you forget to eat.  But if you're stressed
over some situation and plain depressed, you just keep eating without
realizing what you're feeding yourself.

I know when I'm stressed & kind of bored I eat non stop.  If I'm
superstressed or stressed & active & forget to eat.  Abchan's 
right, it goes either way.

Misti, you must be incredible to have an understanding of your
own weaknesses and a healthy attitude about yourself after
an anorexic mother and an abusive father who let friends
molest you.  You deserve lots of respect & admiration.

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Simcha,  I don't think I'm incredible at all...but thanks.  It's taken
a lot of years to get to being as far along the road toward healthy as
I am.

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