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Ok, here's another article, this one about gal pals...:
The Friendship Factor
Gal pals can help your health.
By Dorrit Bern with Jein Shore
Watch a movie about male buddies, and it's likely to be a wild action
flick. Yet the subtle, intriguing dynamics of female friendships have
always fueled TV ratings.
Fifty years ago, housewives Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz were comical
mischief- makers in classic black and white. And by the turn of the
century, sophisticated Carrie Bradshaw and her three best girlfriends
were spilling details of their sex lives -- and their to-die-for
wardrobes -- for devoted cable viewers.
Those fictitious friendships were believable because they mirrored the
real-life relationships of so many women. Girlfriends have long hooked
up with girlfriends simply to share companionship, support,
confidences, heartaches, gossip and fun. But now researchers have
documented an eye-opening fringe benefit: Female friendships also are
good for a woman's health.
Harvard Medical School's highly regarded Nurses' Health Study found that
the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop
physical impairments as they aged and the more likely they were to be
happy -- regardless of whether they had a spouse. The researchers
concluded that not having close friends or confidantes was as
detrimental to a woman's health as smoking.
The reason, suggests a 2000 UCLA study on friendship among women, is
linked to the hormone oxytocin, which helps calm us when we're
stressed. Testosterone tends to reduce the effect of oxytocin in men,
but when it's released as part of the stress responses in a woman,
oxytocin triggers a more maternal response, favoring activities such as
caring for children and gathering with other women rather than fighting
or fleeing. This female bonding leads to the release of even more
oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a beneficial
calming effect.
"I've always said that regardless of the paths our lives take, all women
are 'sisters,'" says Bettie Youngs, PhD, EdD, coauthor of Woman to
Woman Wisdom: Inspiration for Real Life . "We speak a common language
and share a universal bond. We comfort and encourage each other through
life's ups and downs. Because of our sharing with one another, we
quickly discover what is real and lasting in life."
"Female friendships often demonstrate the art of longevity. Marilyn
Miller of Texas has been close friends with Sue Hines of Iowa for 35
years. "We met in 1971 and discovered that we both had good senses of
humor, had similar stress in our jobs and enjoyed many of the same
activities," Marilyn says. "Over the years, our friendship strengthened
because we laughed together, cried together, trusted each other and
never judged each other."
"Distance hasn't lessened their bond. "We have stayed in touch by phone,
letter and e- mail, and have been there for each other in times of
births and deaths in our families," Marilyn says. "We may be separated
by many miles, but the friendship we built on trust, laughter and
nonjudgmental views will last as long as we live."
Take our quiz! Find out which famous TV friend you most resemble.
You may think you're as sweet and empathetic as Ugly Betty. But are you
really like shrewd, funny Blossom? Take our quiz at
FigureMagazine.com/friends.
10 responses total.
So how are you with gal pals? Do you have any/many? How have they helped you in life? What kinds of cool things do ya do together [or how often can you keep in touch via online, phone, snail mail, etc?] How are you able to maintain these relationships, or even develop them in the first place?
[Ok, I took the 5 question quiz, though it was kind of silly and with some of the questions, none of the answers were really 'me'. But I went along with it and this is what they said: ''Which TV Friend are You Like? Your Results: You're like Monica from Friends, a woman who galvanizes an entire circle of people to bond and share. Although friends sometimes find you opinionated and overbearing, you're their rock. When life gets crazy, you're always there to make a meal or host a get-together.'' Well, I wouldn't know for sure since I've only seen maybe one or two episodes of Friends over all the years it was on, and I dunno if I even watched the whole episodes of the ones I did have on... So I can't couch for what Monica is like. Nor did I look up the other possible results to compare mine with.
On a more personal side, I do enjoy the women friends that I have/had in life, though there haven't really been too many of them. I've often wished I had more and knew how to develop and maintain them [any kind of friendship/relationship takes effort from both sides for it to make it sustainable over time]. I do have a friend I've known since pre-kindergarten that I've been in touch with off and on over all these years [about 45 years now]. We talk on the phone every 2-3 months or so and even though I'm back in Michigan, we've only been able to get together a couple times [mostly due to her schedule, though for other reasons as well]. I've enjoyed keeping in touch with her but it isn't the type of relationship that some have been where we get into really 'deep' stuff, and we aren't able to get together to go out for fun stuff, adventures, eating out, etc. Though we did do a fair amount of stuff together as kids when we lived on the same street and was in the same class at school for a few years. There's a HS friend that I do miss; we had a lot of fun together for a number of years. I do need to try and get back in touch again [we kinda lost touch once we both were married and more into the married life thing]. In college, I did have some friends that I hung out with on occasion [with my first degree, mainly people that I worked with, though they were both male and female friends, it was more of group activities than one on one. Except for one of my old roommates, I did enjoy doing stuff with her. But once I got married while still in college, I pretty much drifted away from the college friends, even though I was still in school.] Working on my 2nd degree [after my divorce], it was more hanging out on campus with my classmates [most of the class was female]; we spent a lot of time hanging out in the nursing school lounge, either just hanging out during breaks between classes or studying together for exams; occasionally we'd get a group together to go somewhere, too; and we did do some public service stuff in the community as well. In NC, it took awhile to meet and establish new friends--but there were 3 that I got to know well and we spent a lot of time together [2 from work, one from elsewhere]. I still keep in touch with one of them at least weekly, often more, through email. The other 2 are more sporadic, mainly because they aren't as up on emailing as I am. There was also a married couple that I had met on m-net that I hung out with a lot; they moved down to NC due to a job transfer... And they played a big role in my moving down a couple years later when I was done with school. We spent several years doing stuff together down there but in time, things just seemed to drift apart. And though it wasn't 'just' a girlfriend sort of thing, as all 3 of us did stuff together probably 90% of the time, it still was a good thing while it lasted. I've been back up here for almost 1 1/2 years now and still really miss what I had down there. It's slow going in making/establishing new friendships after a move, I'm trying to be patient with myself as a couple new possibilities are opening up...
I have a lot of really great people in my life. My problem mostly is that it does take a lot of work to maintain friendships and I work a lot and also enjoy spending a lot of time by myself. But I manage to maintain close relationships with several women anyways. I sometimes miss having a "best friend" who I would talk to every day about all the little stupid things.
Ok, this is partly the fun of being a woman as well as partly going out to have a good time with your girlfriends [I heard this song last night]: Artist/Band: Twain Shania Lyrics for Song: Man! I Feel Like A Woman! Lyrics for Album: Come On Over Let's go girls C'mon I'm going out tonight--I'm feelin' alright Gonna let it all hang out Wanna make some noise--really raise my voice Yeah, I wanna scream and shout No inhibitions--make no conditions Get a little outta line I ain't gonna act politically correct I only wanna have a good time The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady Men's shirts--short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction Color my hair--do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman! The girls need a break--tonight we're gonna take The chance to get out on the town We don't need romance--we only wanna dance We're gonna let our hair hang down The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun and... Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady Men's shirts--short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction Color my hair--do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman! Oh yeah, The best thing about being a woman Is the prerogative to have a little fun Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady Men's shirts--short skirts Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction Color my hair--do what I dare Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel Man! I feel like a woman! I get totally crazy Can you feel it Come, come, come on baby I feel like a woman
There's nothing wrong with having same-sex friends to share life's ups and downs with. However, a recent study found that women who bond over "bitch sessions" in fact do more poorly on long-term mental health, apparently because it reinforces the negative feelings, which then persist longer.
I think that's a common danger with a duo; in a group of 2 there's a greater risk you'll end up forming this dysfunctional dyad reinforcing one another's worst qualities and making them seem normal. I'm not saying most pairings are like that, but groups of 2 seems more susceptible to it (think Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold) than groups of, say, 4 (think Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.)
From re:6 <<There's nothing wrong with having same-sex friends to share life's ups and downs with. However, a recent study found that women who bond over " bitch sessions" in fact do more poorly on long-term mental health, apparently because it reinforces the negative feelings, which then persist longer.>> But did this study also look at the total relationship--like were these friends relationship primarily just bitch sessions, gossiping, complaining, etc? Or was the bitch sessions just a part of the whole? Sure, I think in any relationship[s] of 2 or more, people are going to bitch and complain. But how many friends do you keep that are only complainers? Just wondering...
I think that "bitch sessions" can be really productive. I often process things by talking about them and I have some friends who are really good at helping me come up with solutions to things that are bothering me.
Very true. And sometimes just bitching/venting about something--talking out loud to someone without necessarily getting their input, is enough for you to think/work things through. That happens quite a bit.
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