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Grex Femme Item 119: Pregnancy dilemma #1
Entered by morwen on Mon Mar 25 16:59:30 UTC 2002:

Got this from the Baby Center Website

http://www.babycenter.com

"Georgina says, 'I really want to breastfeed my baby, but my husband 
thinks it's disgusting. I feel like I'm not allowed to do it without 
his support. How can I change his mind?'

Do you have advice for Georgina? Share it here!"

Ideas, Questions, Opinions?

21 responses total.



#1 of 21 by keesan on Mon Mar 25 17:02:26 2002:

How about asking if he would prefer to bottle feed the baby (that he do all
the work, not her)?  Change husbands instead of minds?


#2 of 21 by orinoco on Mon Mar 25 17:14:26 2002:

<boggles>

Interesting.  It wouldn't even have occurred to me to be disgusted by
breastfeeding.  Of all the body shame issues I've run across, this has to be
one of the strangest.  Maybe I've just lived in Ann Arbor too long.

As far as "not allowed to do it without his support" ... I'm really not 
sure what to think of that.  Part of me is saying, "Well of course they should
both have a say in how the child is raised.  If he's the father, his opinion
matters too, even if it's a little odd."  But a bigger part of me just thinks
he's a creep.  The combination of "breastfeeding is yucky" and "raise my kid
the way I tell you to raise him" doesn't exactly make me picture a
progressive, equality-minded husband looking to take his fair share of the
responsibility.  

And ... well, on the one hand, the baby's health is the most persuasive
argument.  If the father were an anti-immunization zealot, I'd feel pretty
strongly in favor of giving the kid his shots anyway.  But that's one extreme.
At the other extreme are arguments like "you're endangering your daughter by
not fighting to get her into an expensive preschool" that just make me laugh.
Breastfeeding falls somewhere between being a yuppie hangup and being an
essential health benefit, and I'm not sure how much intervention it justifies.

Good question.


#3 of 21 by mary on Mon Mar 25 17:41:42 2002:

I suspect there are much bigger issues here than breast
feeding.  Bringing an infant into a relationship, especially
the first infant, can take an otherwise nice relationship
into some pretty weird areas.

They need to talk.


#4 of 21 by keesan on Mon Mar 25 23:10:12 2002:

If he finds breastfeeding disgusting, I wonder how they ever managed to
conceive a baby.


#5 of 21 by i on Tue Mar 26 12:36:04 2002:

Depending on what Mr. Bottle's *real* reasons are, some approaches:
 - talk to some of the older folks in his family & let them talk to him
 - assure him that you'll have sex with him just as often as before, *so
        long as* he'll help with the baby by doing tasks A, B, C, D, ...
 - explain to him that breast feeding is pretty discreet, and does not
        involve baring your chest to crowds of strangers.
 - offer to use a pump so that he can have his fair share of feeding (using
        a bottle)
 - find out if he also opposes dirty diapers, holding a baby that may ulp
        on him, etc.


#6 of 21 by orinoco on Tue Mar 26 15:40:04 2002:

I was telling a friend about this item, and she said "Of course he's got
problems with it.  Up until the baby came along, that was _his_ breast."

That's one way to look at it, I guess.  


#7 of 21 by keesan on Tue Mar 26 17:30:31 2002:

There are two, can't they share?


#8 of 21 by edina on Tue Mar 26 18:19:30 2002:

Your response just boggled my mind.


#9 of 21 by morwen on Tue Mar 26 20:04:55 2002:

yeah, that's a good one ( resp:7 )


#10 of 21 by loperbd on Tue Apr 16 21:04:57 2002:

Well the biologic jealousy is not bad. I like the question, because 
it's certainly not a nice subject between the partners. Try early 
irritations to solve, they draw other irritations. My way is talking 
about it from various direction. How does it feel the different moments 
for the woman, how long. The man can tell what he feels, but he must 
stay quiet, not enlarging his feelings or disgust. He had to learn to 
deal with it, give it a place, rephrasing many times, drawing, if likes 
that. Talking about it, but always so that the problem minimizes. Yes, 
don't neglect it, other problems for other moments.

In this way I see it. Good question! Thank you.

Ed


#11 of 21 by valerie on Sun Apr 21 04:21:21 2002:

This response has been erased.



#12 of 21 by loperbd on Sun Apr 21 11:06:13 2002:

Yes, I know, something in Europe called "Liege lait". Yes, I agree 
completely with it. But my point was a way acceptance by the husband. 
Valerie, I can't post anymore in you diary, that's good, but would 
Kendra like a nice warm bath, ot did you try this already. In my view
feeling safe is a keyword.


#13 of 21 by loperbd on Sun Apr 21 12:02:08 2002:

The club is a women club with the correct name "La Lait Leige". Your 
choice is very good for the child, and also for youself! And I hope so 
it will go well for your children and soon for Julie, please send her 
lovely mails. My heart is with you Valerie, life isn't easy.


#14 of 21 by loperbd on Sun Apr 21 20:40:20 2002:

Julie, please email me safeandwarm@hotmail.com. let us look how high 
the risks are, you deserve really to get more certainty. And please 
enjoy to get a new baby, please Julie email me early.


#15 of 21 by morwen on Sun Apr 21 20:45:50 2002:

I think you are thinking of "la Leche League"  They have that here in 
the States, too.


#16 of 21 by loperbd on Sun Apr 21 21:00:05 2002:

Yes you are right I recognize now the word picture (English?) Please 
mail me. safeandwarm@hotmail.com

That's a good thing. Are they also gathering urine for seprating a 
hormone for other women, I don't know what exactly, in the US. I am not 
sure the same La Leche League does the gathering.

I know LLL provides information, which is very useful, I think. Please
give breasrmilk idf you can, better for child and better for you.

I'm so glad you posted this. I posted what you maybe can expect, but 
please email me maybe the risks are for you lower. But please trust me.


#17 of 21 by morwen on Tue Apr 23 18:03:06 2002:

Thanks for the vote of confidence.  Not only had I planned on it, I 
realize that it is also the least expensive thing for me and the baby 
to do.


#18 of 21 by loperbd on Tue Apr 23 18:24:15 2002:

YES! 

Julie, maybe this isn't my business according to you, but your postings
don't show anything of serious risks. You have according my knowledge 
probably a very light form. One thing it's also good among other nice 
things, to think and communcate a lot with from time to time (often) 
new elements. Feeling yourself happy and communicating new things are 
the very strong points of my L'+F' relationship. It's my last hint I 
can give you probably.

Have a very nice time, no, many, many years of happiness,

And it's completely true, I trust you indeed. 


#19 of 21 by morwen on Tue Apr 23 19:42:57 2002:

hum.  thanks. I guess.


#20 of 21 by loperbd on Tue Apr 23 20:36:43 2002:

Okay, I hope we're even now. You know I wish many things for you. 
I'm a little bit charming you know.


#21 of 21 by mart on Mon Apr 29 12:54:02 2002:

was this loper?

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