I found that I was unable to frame coherent thoughts as the barrage
of innuendo descended upon me like hailstones on a freaky spring
afternoon.  The raptness with which my tormentors attended to their
phraseology permitted an unnoticed escape by me through the French
windows out onto the veranda, however.  "Egotistical nabobs!" I
sneered to myself as I leaped over the hedge and hastened down the
grassy slope to the highway.

"Time to do the hitchhiker bit again," I told myself.  No way to use
my car, which had been hoisted up onto the roof and left in an
inverted state, tires pointing upward like the legs on a dead June
bug's carcass.  So I stood by the road, arm out, thumb extended, in
classical hitchhiking pose.

Long minutes passed without a single vehicle coming into view.
I was too far from anywhere even to think of walking.  Then, in the
distance, a line of black cars appeared, snaking along the road like
ants on a food trail.  A funeral procession, no doubt.  Hardly 
promising as the source of a ride.  Nevertheless, my need was
desperate, so I held to hitchhiker stance.  To my surprise, the
hearse that was leading the procession rolled to a stop, the door
opened, and I was beckoned inside.

Besides the unknown corpse in the rear of the vehicle, the driver
and I were the only occupants.  "Thanks," I said, "I didn't really
expect you to stop for me."

"Oh, normally we wouldn't," replied the driver, a shriveled little
man who seemed to be 70 if he was a day.  "But the corpse decided
he wanted to live a little longer and skipped out about ten miles
back, so we needed a replacement."

I tell ya, some days *nothing* seems to work out.

5 responses total.

"Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you and sometimes
it don't even pay to go into the woods."

but if the rock hits the pitcher or the pitcher hits the rock, it's bound
to be bad for the pitcher.

what about the catcher?

Ah well.  And you didn't even see me comin', either.  Too bad.  You 
are being consumed.

Y'know, I wondered who took my place on that fate-full day.  Thank you, Mr.
Snord, for giving my friends and family someone to mourn.  Send not to know
for whom the bell tolls.  Indeed, it tolled for thee.

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