There is a certain intersection.  Let's call the two streets 
Northsouth Street and Eastwest Street.  There is a traffic light at 
this intersection.  Like most other traffic lights, it goes through 
a predictable series of phases: first it turns green, and the 
pedestrian light turns green also; then, after a while, the 
pedestrian light turns red and starts flashing to let pedestrians 
know the traffic light is about to change; then the taffic light 
turns amber and the red pedestrian light stops flashing; then the 
traffic light turns red; then the cycle starts over again.  While 
the light for Northsouth Street goes through this cycle, the light 
for Eastwest Street is going through a corresponding cycle.  The 
cycle for both streets looks like this: 


        NORTHSOUTH STREET           EASTWEST STREET
     -------------------------   -------------------------
     Traffic   Pedestrian        Traffic   Pedestrian
      Light      Light            Light      Light
     -------  ----------------   -------  ----------------
   1. green    green                red    red 
   2. green    flashing red         red    red 
   3. amber    red                  red    red 
   4.   red    red                green    green
   5.   red    red                green    flashing red
   6.   red    red                amber    red


Okay, now, suppose you were to enter Northsouth Street about a 
hundred yards south of this intersection.  Which phase in the cycle 
would you be happiest to see?  

Number 6 would be best, of course, because by the time you got to 
the intersection the light would be green, but it wouldn't have 
been green long enough for you to worry that the light would change 
before you got there.  

And #2 would be worst, because not only would the light be red by 
the time you got there, but also it would have just turned red, 
making it necessary for you to sit at the red light for the maximum 
length of time.  

Get the idea?  Okay, what would you think if your route home from 
work had you entering Northsouth Street at that point about a 
hundred yards south of the intersection, and the light was in 
phase #2 EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR FIVE YEARS.  Wouldn't you think it 
was a little bit strange?  Huh?  Huh?

67 responses total.

No.

Q

That's an odd one okay, uh huh, yeah, 'tres odd' as ze French say,
or 'ganz peculiar' auf Deutsch.

The light is your first clue that you are being manipulated, that
reality is not what it seems to be.

oh shit

Where?

try either speeding desperately or slowing down to a non-irritating snail's
pace. (next time you have the chance, check the light for figs. that might
be the problem.)

Is the light perpetually red to avoid hitting either the shit or the figs?
There is always a big pile of one of them in the intersection.

The Figs.

Mr. Rogers did a show on this phenomenon a month or two ago.  What
he described in the most elegant of terms was this tendency humans
have to transfer uncomfortable feeling to animals or inanimate
objects as a way of problem solving and coping.

For "The Traffic Light is Pulling my Chain" case he suggested
folks could play it out to the max by finding a location somewhere
on Northsouth where you can see the light but where the light
can't see you.  Pull off behind a big UPS truck or swing into an
alley and wait until the appropriate light change before charging
out confident and in control.

Or you could do nothing, continue to be manipulated by this icon
of anonymous authority, store up all your anger and take it out on
some fast food server who screws up your next burger order.

But in the end Bill suggested the best response would be to remind
yourself, over and over, that the traffic light likes you just the
way you are.  Never doubt this no matter how much the light jerks
you around.  Continue your Northsouth way as usual.  The light
likes you just the way you are.  Wow. 

You'll find a good time to contemplate this is while you are sitting
idle at traffic lights.

Duetchland, Duetchland, uber alles,
uber alles in das world.

What are German traffic lights like?

The same as everywhere else, except they work better.

Deutschland?

Re #6:  Neither speeding desperately nor slowing down to a non-
irritating snail's pace does any good.  For one thing, it matters 
whether the pedestrian light started flashing just before you enter 
Northsouth Street, or if it's been flashing for some time before 
that.  If you try slowing down to a non-irritating snail's pace, 
you can be sure that the pedestrian light has just started 
flashing; and you'll crawl almost all the way to the intersection 
while the pedestrian light continues to flash; and you'll realize, 
too late, just as the traffic light turns red, that speeding 
desperately is what would've worked this time.  And, of course, if 
you try speeding desperately, the traffic light will instantly turn 
amber and then red, thus thwarting that strategy as well.  

Re #9:  I saw that show, and it was obvious to me that he has never 
personally encountered a traffic light of the chain-pulling 
variety.  Because if he had, he wouldn't be nattering on about how 
the light "likes him just the way he is."  Oh no: he'd realize that 
the appropriate response, the *deeply human response* one might 
almost call it, is to take a deep breath just as the light turns 
red, and scream "YOU SICK, TWISTED FUCK!" 

(Ms. Remmers does a Macauly Caukins look-alike with her lips
 forming a perfect O and her hands beside her ears.)

Your right Sky, I did forget the s.

The Goats.
NO!  BARNEY!  AUUUGH!

ACk!

Is there always a police car around the corner?

If there's oncoming traffic, there is still something to be said for not
running the light whether or not there is a police car.  It only took me
seeing one fatal accident resulting from somebody running a stop sign to 
realize that yeilding the right of way is *very* important.

Barney?  Where?  Where should I hide?  Oh, wait, who's hiding, kill him!!
Where's my Bazooka?

Infidel!!!  Mister Rogers spawn!!!

Calm down, oh Jazzy one.....

Whatcha gonna do Jazz, spank me?

Watch it homes.
She's dangerous.

About as dangerous as a dull Gythka.

Iv'e seen this lady in action, You wannabe Gymkata. 
More dangerous than you are, on her worstest day

Sure.  Look, I'm not afraid of anything except the manner in which I am
slain.

Sky, I've kept my part of the bargain, it's about time you kept yours.

I'm only defending the good jasmine's honor.
And stating fact./

If I can still beat the crap out of my cousin, who happens to be in the armyand
a real dirty street fighter, I could beat Jazz.  In fact, I'd be willing to
make a bet on it.  $120 sound good?

I wouldn't take yer dirty money.

Good, then give it up.

B-Rake it up!  Folks this is gettin' kinda violent! Skeez, let jazmine defend
rself!  aahz for you vidar, why don't you E-mail jazmine -n- skeez with your
threats!

Because they're in my filter file, and therefore I won't be able to see
their witty comebacks.  And I'm raising my bid to $1,200.  Of course, I
don't really want to fight Jazz, just defending my fighting ability.

Vidar, skeez, etc.  Take it to mail.  If that requires taking people out
of your filter file, DO IT.  Just don't make the rest of us read it.  I, for
one, am tired of it.  If you can't stand the thought of taking them out of
your filter file, then set up a new account for that mail.  Better yet, use
the filter file to your advantage as a tool for braking up this fight.  You
still don't have to like eachother.  Just don't take up several items in 
various conferences arguing about it.

On second thought, see item 143, the vidar vs. skeez Religious Wars Item.

Well, I would have defended myself, but I won't waste my breath on such lowly
ones are vidar...  Skeez...I luv you!

meet me at peir 47, and bring a long wooden box.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss