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How to play...
JOHN THROWING
By Camdon Edward Draeger
Slightly revised (to correct spelling) by Scott T. Anderson
This great new sport is fun for everyone except John. For those of you
not familiar with "John Throwing," here's how it works:
1. Find a man named John.
2. Set him in an office chair with wheels.
3. Stand in one spot with your hands on the back of the chair.
4. With your hands still on the chair, spin your body in a tight circle.
5. Get yourself, the chair, and John going really fast, then let go of the
chair.
6. Once John has stopped, measure the distance from your starting point to
John (not the chair). The winner is the one who throws John the
farthest.
This sport also works with people with other names: Jill, Jim, Nancy,
Cloves, Pan, even Luxury Liner. But we find that John works the best.
ADDENDUM TO "How to play JOHN THROWING"
First a new name: "John Throwing (Jon Works the Same)." You know how
it
works. The rules are simple, but there are rules for other types of games:
A. THE BACKYARD FAMILY GAME
1. Anything goes, but you have to set some rules or use tournament
rules.
B. THE TOURNAMENT RULES
1. The circle is eight feet in diameter.
a. You must stay in the circle until John or Jon comes to a
complete stop.
2. You can spin until you get to the edge of the circle (like discus).
3. Points are awarded to the person who throws John or Jon the
farthest.
a. The top score is 10 points for the farthest.
b. Second is 5 points.
c. Third is 2 points.
d. 200 points wins.
4. Option: You can put stuff in the playing field and if John or Jon
hits it you get x amount of points.
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21 responses total.
It's a good thing my name is Marston!
I was once in a bar which had a tequila boweling deal. They put a helmet on some dude and sailed him across the floor into ten bottles of tequila arranged like bowling pins. I wonder if this could be added to john throwing as an extra credit bonus for accuracy.
re #2 I'm sure that could be done for extra credit.
re #1 Mastron? Marston Snord? Not *the* Marston "just call me
John" Snord? I've heard great things about you. About
the time, diligence, and personal investment you make to
keep Enigma such a cool conference. I've also heard about
your intelligence, dedication and sensitivity. You're a
one-of-a-kind who adds something special to Grex.
BTW, do you have an office chair I can borrow? Er, well,
it's not exactly for me though... ;-)
<lee thinks everyone named "John" would have forgotten this item...>
<carl thinks even someone named martha may have forgotten it...>
Hmm, John... Martha... yeah, I see the link, really, I do. <wrinkles her eyebrows at the crowd>
<Irons out lee's eyebrows and hands them back to lee>
Ouch! That monster is hot!
Stop griping and keep them starched like you're supposed to.
That might explain my grandpa's eyebrows...
But what if it doesn't? i really think it would be easier to just ask them.
ask and thou shall receive
Yea, but maybe i'd rather kick off.
74 83 89 hike!
<i palms the football, then throws a mushy old pineapple into the defensive backfield. Interception!!! .....Ewwww, yuck!>
at least it wasn't an egg
You sure about that?
<lee checks her fridge> i take it back; i have 6 eggs
Yes, but how many 6's will you have if you let them hatch?
Now, now, you know very well that you shouldn't count your sixes before they hatch. (They might grow up to be fives instead, you know...)
resp:8 Of course he was. He was in all that soup.
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