Love
i hate that word, and not because i'm bitter and broken (which, arguably
i am) but more specifically the same way i hate religion, 'cause of all the
sad, pathetic, horrible, ugly, low down and dirty, well, utter shit that
get's done in love's name.
i'm sure love's not pleased either.
so basically we're all totally obsessed with love.
but what is it?
some say it is a bliss beyond bliss (and hollywood loves this one)
but bliss cannot last indefinatly, can it?
other state that it is total contentment, neither high nor low, just a 
mild euphoric state,
but, is that not close to how death is described?
anyway, i got's no answers, so throw some out my freinds!

28 responses total.

The "Mild euphoric state" is an unsustainable level of infatuation and
enthusiasm that passes with the onset of routine and is a very, very dangerous
sort of thing to build a sustained relationship upon. Love isn't just gushing
emotion.

yup. it's called limerance.
very very documented

Love can be incredibly beautiful, or very ugly.

You also have to think about what *type* of love....there is a different type
of love for every person in your life.

Love is just an excuse to be a masocist. Not that there's anything wrong with
that, but that's just my sad and imbittered view of the world. Don't mind me.

i think love is the thing that moves the earth

actually ,it's intertia
and love wouldn't be spiffy without friction

spiffy?  friction?  more like sex is a mortar to the bricks of true 
love

Mortar or not... the wall has to shake once in a while to be fun.

I guess so.  I think that everyone has to have their own definition of 
love, because the feeling is so different from person to person.

To me, true love is what makes family possible.  It brings the husband 
and the wife together.  It eliminates strife and conflict.  I don't 
think love is something that just happens.  I think it is something 
that is like a seed.  You plant it and care for it and, if conditions 
are right or you are lucky or whatever you like, it grows.  

Okay, Spank me.  I'm a Romantic.

This response has been erased.

        I don't think it's something that most people *want* to understand,
to be honest.  Though there's more than pheremones and biological programs
involved, there's an awful lot of Darwinian programming deep down in what we
feel for the people around us - no child, for example, ever had to earn its'
parents' love - that isn't all that pretty.

some kids have had to earn thier parents love..and let me tell you about those
people

love is trust and understanding

        or

love is an insecure pathetic guilt-ridden, guilt-giving need for
self-justification and physical affection &/or violence.

        The first one, well ... bored now ...

        The second one's interesting.  Let's talk about that.

what? that love is just..pathetic needyness of people?

Jazz.  True love is what keeps people together.  Other substitutes we 
CALL love are what you want to discuss.  Am I right?

        IMNSHO, a lot of things keep people together.  The perception of love
is too fickle of a thing over the long term;  if a person's depressed, for
instance, then they might never really notice it or be able to participate
in it actively.

I guess, I can see where you are coming from.  I should probably not 
have put my oar into this conversation.  Like I said, I'm a romantic.

        Having different opinions is what makes a conversation a conversation,
and not a chorus of agreeing voices. ;)

or a cacaphonie of diatribes
<shrug> love is overrated, you can't be happy all the time, you can but be
content

I guess.  

I never claimed Jon and I were happy with eachother all the time.  In 
fact, we sometimes fight like dogs.  But we are content with 
eachother.  We complete eachother, if that doesn't sound to sappy for 
you.  I do agree though.  I think that sometimes people expect too much 
out of love.  The whole "love at first sight" thing.  Too many silly 
women are waiting for the legendary "white knight" to appear, sweeping 
them off their feet, marrying them and taking them to a cute little 
cottage with a white picket fence around it.

Pesonally, I think love should be based rather solidly on friendship.  
Even friends don't get along ALL of the time.

as has been mentioned elsewhere, I'm sure-- relationships just take 
work-- and the higher the committment, I'm sure, the more the work.  
The potential rewards, however, may be greater.  It would depend upon 
what you seek.

Yes, I think the problem with the idea of love is that no one expects 
it to be work, but anything that is worthwhile is worth working to 
keep.  So it is with true love.  As I said, true, real love is like a 
seed.  You plant it, and water it, and weed it and work at it.  
Eventually, with time, love grows.  I don't believe in love at first 
sight.  I don't believe in the world's concept of love as "oh I am in 
love at 16" lalalala. skipping along through wild flowers and the hold 
bit.  Love is work, and it's worth it.

        I agree with you there.

        There's a part of me, though, that sees it from a different
perspective.  When I've been annoyed that someone hasn't seen a relationship
as some degree of work, it's usually been a relationship that *I'm* in, or
that someone I care about is in, and it's difficult to get perspective.  It's
very similar to a situation when someone doesn't *care* enough to put in the
necessary work, which is unfortunate, but it happens.

An actively depressed member of a relationship may strain things a bit, but
it's times like that when passion takes a back seat to commitment and things
win out.  Now, a consisently one-sided relationship is a different story, but
we knew that, didn't we?  

People too often have these fantasy views of relationships which actually work
against genuine success later on.  I don't think this is a new phenomenon,
because you see all sorts of interesting perspectives on love in well-aged
literature, but potential problems were probably masked by male-dominated
society.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream," for example, is widely seen as a play about love.
Too bad the only love shown in it is a cheap, shallow kind based more upon
lust than anything else.  Critics would rather think otherwise, of course.

"A bit"?!? I think you understate the impact of depression on a
relationship. The flip side is that depression, left untreated or
misunderstood, can easily ruin a relationship for reasons having little to
do with the non-depressed person's lack of committment. Some studies
indicate depression is, to some extent, "contagious" in terms of spreading
its impact. In two relationships I learned I had a personal limit of about
4 - 6 months of tolerance, and if a depressed gf does not start to get a
handle on things by then, I tend to pull back out of self-preservation.
You can commit all you want, and buy into the opposite fantasy of "love
will conquer all", or face the reality: if the depressed person does not
want to take steps to change, all the committment in the world by the
non-depressed partner will not change things. To think otherwise is one of
the hallmarks of co-dependence. 

Yes, I agree with you, Cyklone.  Being undepressed in a relationship 
with a depressed partner is hard.  Jon and I have been together for 3 
years.  Of course I admit he doesn't STAY depressed all the time, but 
the amount of time he spends depressed can be pretty dragging.  It's a 
challenge.  It helps me, though, to remember that I have my problems, 
too.  Jon has often been there for me when I needed him.  So you see, 
our well nutured love is beginning to bear us some mighty delicious 
fruit.  We compliment each other in ways that, during the first year of 
our relationship, I'm sure we never would've noticed.  Have you ever 
noticed how so many couples claiming to be "<sigh> in love" break up 
during the first year when they discover that they are actually going 
to have to work to make the relationship come out right?  What do they 
usually site in Divorce Court?  "Irreconcilable differences"  This 
means that they discovered that they would have to work to make their 
relationship work and one or both partners were unwilling to do that.  
It just makes me mad.

After all, finding out about people and who they really are is supposed 
to be what dating and courtship are for.  

<rant=off>

*chuckle*  I won't gag you all with sap, but I'll give my half.. I've 
had people comment to me that our affection is a healthy sign, and I 
think it took a baby to dispel lingering notions that we were still 
newlyweds..

Different relationships work differently, of course-- I've heard of 
different categories other than romantic.. like the passionate one, 
where couples fight intensely, than make up intensely, etc.

I'll say it until I'm blue in the face that people are lazy and 
inconsiderate, and that it goes in degrees from there.  Divorce is a 
complicated issue, but I do think of "lazy" and "inconsiderate" there 
a lot.. finding a lifemate takes time, planning, and careful 
consideration-- and it doesn't stop!  Now I know that some people 
*need* to part ways, but I'll bet in so many stupid instances, either 
the marriage was poorly considered, or someone got loafy or rude at 
one point, growing to deadbeat or WAY out of line later.

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