I am going to post my ideas on the rules for men to get laid.

The following are rules if you are a single male . . .

(1) Leave the computer lab,
(2) Go home
(3) Take shower
(4) shave
(5) Use cologne
(6) Put on nice expensive looking clothes
(7) Go to local bar where girls well be
(8) Pick an attarctive lady and make eye contact, is she drinking? If yes
proceed,
(9) Go to her, talk to her for a few hours about something you have in common
with her, and listen and sincerely appreciate her interest in the subject.
(10) Ask her home.
(11) Look for condom store between bar and hotel/motel/residence.
(12) Do it!

The following are rules if you are a married male . . .

(1) Wake up your wife,
(2) Compliment her on appearance, smell, physical attribute,
(3) Undress and request essential hand release therapy.
(4) Do it!

Notice please the ease with which the married male well have, and the less
investment in time he has.  As an option,

(1A) Do fifteen minutes of housework.

Upon completetion of instruction 1A wives well find a husband more sexually
desirable and this well lead to a greater frequency of the objective.

Men, you can do this!

I do it practically every single day.

-Sean Granger

48 responses total.

        Any suggestions for the under-21 set, oh guru?

I wonder if gift buying works.  That always seemed to be a high-school-
-jr. college thing.  (I could be wrong, depends if she's high 
maintenance.)

Now, I don't wanna go claiming I had a typical high school experience, but
most of the girls I hung out with in high school would have been pretty
creeped out if someone bought them a gift out of the blue as a way of picking
them up.  

I'd juxtapose 3 and 4.  But since one night stands don't interest me 
and never have . . .

eh. for under 21 just talk to her and hang on most words while still
maintaining an aloofness.
young girls tend to like the broody tpye

        At one point, having been tonguelashed by an ex-girlfriend about buying
flowers, I resolved to buy flowers on my next date with the person I was
seeing.  It was, oddly enough, a disastrous mistake.

I disagree with this one:

   (5) Use cologne

A lot of women aren't cool with that at all.

I guess in general, people have different reactions to seeing that a
suitor is "following the rules."  

Some people say, "Oh, good, someone who knows what the rules are and cares
enough to follow them.  This is clearly someone who cares about me." 

Meanwhile, some people say, "Oh, shit, someone who think they're gonna get
in my pants just by following some dumb rules.  This is clearly someone
who doesn't care about me at all." 

For the life of me I can only recall two girls under 21 I had anything to do
with sexually,

Instructions,

(1) McDonalds, drive there, and go in,
(2) Buy the girl a chocolate shake.
(3) Take her to someplace where the scenery is pretty
(4) Talk about the wonderful scenery, the pretty relfection of the moon or
sun on the lake, or on the trees,
(5) Make your move!

As for cologne, I won't sit here and write a defense of cologne, merely a
defense of smelling good.  Wether this is a combination of soap and laundry
detergent with or without cologne is at the option of the male.

As for a girl who would say,  "You are following Granger's rules and you don't
care about me" wouldnt this mean shes a girl that wants you to talk about
something she has no interest in?  Would this not be called a prostitute?

Rules for the prostitute, not based on education or research but seeing
movies.

(1) Find a hooker,
(2) Go to a hotel room,
(3) Put money on a table or in a hat.
(4) Do it!

or, as I have been told, or rather witnessed one time when a friend was
picking one up in a foriegn country,

(1) Go to a hotel room,
(2) Call escort service, inform them of room number and hotel address,
(3) open door when knock is given,
(4) kick out your buddy sean granger cause lord knows no one would want to
see my face when having the sloppy hotel whore.

        Hahahahah, I use cologne as a repellent for one of my ex-girlfriends.
She's violently allergic to the sort I use, even though I don't use much of
it.

In regards to my "going instinctual" I am against disguising my true 
scent.  Does that mean I don't use deodorant?  Sometimes, but I usually 
use one that has no additional scent.

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B.O

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resp:3 You're a more intellectual sort, Dan, but for some, buying 
gifts accompanied with honeyed words seem to work.

resp:5 under the 'dark' part of 'dark, tall, and handsome'?  Cliche.

re: cologne, some women just gush about certain scents.  I was never 
big about most of it-- better sweet-smelling soap or body wash that is 
more subtle.  Some people seem to bathe in cologne and perfume.  Ugh.  
Romans originally used perfume to cover B.O., so on that point, there 
you go.  Better to stick with the scent in what you use to clean 
yourself and then use anti-perspirant/deodorant if you're particularly 
sweaty and smelly IMHO.

Everyone's different, but I think the real rule of thumb is 
confidence, showing and saying appreciation and affection, and being 
consistent.

I agree with the "smelling good" revision.  I think that's the key there.
Given that vidar wears diapers, I'm not sure his "true scent" qualifies,
though.

        Oh mighty Christ.

Yes?

Oh, sorry.

        I'm beginning to have bad associations with the word "natural" thanks
to some of my hippie friends.

        For what it's worth, though, our bodies really don't have a strong
natural odor if we're living like primitive hunter-gatherers with little or
no clothing.  It's the clothing that traps the sweat and creates a dark, humid
pocket for odor-causing bacteria.  It's also that we don't naturally bathe
in streams or rivers, and the way our hair patterns are arranged, it's pretty
clear our ancestors did a lot.  Humans just aren't supposed to smell bad, and
I'm sticking to that.

What he said.  It's called soap and deodorant.  Use it.

I thought of another tidbit for this conversation,
for the under 21 hunting for panties,

5) or 6) or whatever,   Use words and phrases like,  "I'm introspective of
the intellect to seperate it from my soul which has captured your inner beauty
and ray of sunshine delight"  I just remember that the two or three youngsters
I mate of tagged in my youth were suspebtible to the natural line of poetic
garbadge that came out of my mouth.  The average 17 year old girl probably
isn't an intellectual giant, so just pretending like your all suave with the
whole Im a broken heartered torn individual well make them relate because
inside they are all broken battered just mushed up souls.

I think thats the key Im going for here, is making like you are trying to
figure out who you are well relate with a young female since they have no
f-ing clue.

Thanks

Perhaps I need to update my name for this conference.  While it is true 
that I do wear diapers, it's a fetish, not a neccesity.  I wear when I 
feel like it and not when I don't.

        Just don't be a broken-hearted torn up individual.  That isn't sexy.
Putting on the apperance is, being depressed isn't.

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        It's the truth.

        Brooding occasionally is a great strategy.  Doing it all the time is
a severe turn-off.

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No.  And the "be dark and brooding" thing for men really only works with Goth
(or Goth wanna-be) women.

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Um . . exactly what you said?

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re: 28, that perhaps you enjoy the challenge of "bringing out" the dark and
brooding man from his cloud?

I guess, perhaps poorly, because that was some of my interest in the dark and
brooding women I have dated in the past.  Not that it ever worked out that
well.

Back in the days of "single man Sean" I never dated Goth chicks, I found them
depressing.  If anyone else wants them, I say free reighn.

As for the comment about "what does it say about me"  I say well duh,  its
possible that group A would like charachteristics about a gender, and some
individuals not in group A.  For example, all women with blond hair might like
a big penis.  Just because you might have black hair and also like big penis
doesnt mean your in the same group as the blonds on the hair charicteristic,
but in sharing their sexual preference your in a similiar caterogy, that is,
size queens.

So you like big dark broading men, whatever broading means I dont know but
I gather from context its the whole James Dean my life sucks routine that
works on the goth crowd since my research into the goth crowd revealed they
all said life sucked, then while you might not be a goth chick you might share
their sexual preference,

but one can't say sexual identity is based on being a blond brunette or a
goth.

        I find a cynical attitude to be a definite turn-on, but that probably
has to do more with having intelligence as one of my main criteria than
anything else.  Smart people tend to be cynical.  At the same time, I also
expect people to be able to really enjoy life, despite any cynicism they may
have, and most people can do that.  The ones that can't don't last long around
me.

        There's definitely a niche for 'em though.

I don't know about cynicism, but critical thinking, well... that's 
different.  But I take a slightly different angle.  I can't stand 
extremists.  I'd much rather chum with folks that are moderate, maybe 
because they are a little more inclined to practice a little 
diplomacy.  I married a tomboy because I wanted someone who would 
enjoy doing similar things, i.e. be easy going and not too terribly 
concerned with appearances, especially gender-related ones (I mean, I 
just don't dig girlie girls).

Re #30: I suppose "kink" might have been better than fetish as I am not 
sexually aroused by diapers.  Even I'm not entirely sure why I got into 
that, but I accept where I am.

I used to be a dark, brooding (some might say inane) type, and nobody gave
me second notice.  I was kind of a depressing guy, actually.  My "good luck,"
if it can be called that, has more to do with being social and friendly when
the situation calls for it.

        I always thought it was the loud hockey shirts.

I imagine it's hard to brood while wearing a loud hockey shirt.

Some people seem to have very good luck with acting needy.  I think it's
because feeling needed is flattering.  But even still, there's a big
difference between acting needy and sulking nonstop.

I don't wear any underwear. This gives shows off the outline of my huge cock.
I then go to the bar and the bitches come to me.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss