I'm bored.  Am looking for ideas for new interesting acts of poetic terrorism
that the accordions can accomplish.  <SECRET PLANS> are welcomed and
incouraged.  (after all, no one asks me absurd questions any more. <sniff>)
(not even an ascii swordfight from Brenner....<sob>)  Oh, well.
a special gift from BLANK font.....
<free gift!!!!!! aren't you happy?!)

Part Deux of that annoying poem from the land of Discordia

So then it was that the land of Eris became the land of Little Debbie.
They'd elected a small child to be the "Little Debbie inflatable goddess"
because she'd won the contest.  <too gory to be mentioned>
Anyways, she was fed a continuous stream of baked goods, because, unlike
Eris, she'd surrendered long ago.  But then she tired of the taste of sugar.
"Pseudo-cream and styrophome!  I swear I think I'll die!."  She shrieked one
day.  The victors were alarmed.  "What will we do?" they asked amongst
themeslves.  So they invented the StarCrunch, to suplicate her and alow her
to think of home.  (after all, they had gone to another planet and abducted
her to be *the* little debbie.  Unfortunately the little girl had thought 
that her favorite baked good was made on earth, so it took 3 days to explain
US interstellar trade policy before she'd sit on the Debbiethrone)
But soon she tired of those, too.  SO they made all the other baked goods
made by little debbie, (except for snowballs, which was explained prevously...
they are the only earth made little-debbie item)  But even after that, she
went crazy.  She demanded salad and toast, vedgies, vedgies vedgies.  
Since there were only sugar based life forms on the planet, they were
confused.
Eris had heard the turmoil in candyland, and she grinned a big long grin.
"I think I will bribe vedgies," she grinned.
So ERis went to Vedgie land, and bribed a few to come with her.  These vedgies
were very large, so she had to tie balloons on them and float them to the 
planet's surface.  But Little debbie saw these great big balloons and thought
that  her parents were going to save her... so she waddled as fast as she
could, being that all she did all day was sit on a throne and eat twinkies
and all that other stuff we talked about before, she had gained alot of
weight. But since these creatures had been incompetent before, they lost
her predictably.
Then she saw eris, and wished she was home eating little debbies.
But she saw the biggest, most beautiful vegtables she'd ever seen.  They
were so refreshing looking, that she squealed in delight.  "Want one!"
She shrieked.  Eris smiled agian.  "Well, dearest, we should talk.  I have
certian complaints about your keepers."  "Well, so do I.  They don't under
stand why I need real food once in a while."  "YOu should do my bidding,"
Eris said,"and I will give you my vedgies."
"HOw do you know they are yours?" Asked Debbie.  "Because they are."
Eris said.  "Cause trouble with your minions, and I will give you vedgies."
"IF you are supposed to be the goddess eris, you are doing a lousy job. you
know that?  The real goddess eris wouldn't try to control everything.  She'd
just cause trouble, and let things go on their merry way.  But you have a
party line, some alterior motives.  That's not fair."  The vegtables were
incouraged.  Eris was pissed.  "That's not what you are suposed to say!  You
are a stupiud little girl!  what do you know of greek mythology???"
During all of this, Debbie had been whispering to the vegtables.  the ropes
and streamers that Eris had used to secure the vegtables to the sand bags that
ancored them unfurled, and a great whish of wind came and captured the whole
works, and little debbie jumped onto the great cabbage's back, and the 
giant vegtables started flying to earth with balloons.  Eris screamed....and
the battletwinkies jumped out of the bushes and started tormenting eris.
Eris sighed.  "It was so much better when it was the greeks...." she mourned,
and got dragged away by the baked goods...."but now it's just these shugar
geeks."
........
Epilauge (or how ever it's spelled)
The people of twinkie land mourned the loss of thier little debbie queen,
and they painted her likeness on every box they sent to earth and everywhere
else in the galaxy.  The little debbie showed up on earth with very large 
vegtables, invented tie-dye, became vegitarian, and protested wars everywhere/
She was the first hippie.
Eris is still a goddess, and still has  never surrendered to a baked good.

And that's the   rest     of the    story.
Happy?

37 responses total.

I am actually thinking of taking these stories and turning them into fully
illustrated books, etc. Any plans from the rest of you?

"Little Debbie Inflatable Goddess," perhaps you were thinking of getting
published in Yellow Silk? <evil grin>

   here's my secret plan: a friend and i are going to acquire a set of bongos,
dress all in black, and wander ann arbor's coffeehouses committing random acts
of bad beat poetry.

Been there, done that.  :)

Yeah, I think something is needed to shake up Ann Arbor's
coffeehouses. Their owners seem to think they're exclusively for
selling coffee to well-to-do yuppies' collegiate offspring.

I have a couple different secret plans for guerrila entertainment during the
Art Fair.

Exelent!  <mad scientist's cackle>  Void, I will lend you the monkey wrench.
(oops, was that dada?)  I'm all ears for the Artfairs "Awakening Concience."
Can I help?  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Does it include paint guns?  
Hmmmmmmmm.  Details, records of past Secret plans?  < you can change your
identity....we won't tell>
f


                                                                        
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                                d

Well, the absinthe doesn't materialise untill we have an accordion get
together.......<THREAT>

Hey I want an accordion get together with absinthe.

Me Too! (Oh no, it's the infamous Internet response! Run for the hills!)

<threat>

And a promise? ;)

I'll think about it.  :-)

The crowd gets restless and chants absinthe, absinthe, absinthe <hicup>.

Cm'on...I need particulars.  I can't offer a pad to flop, and I have the
world's most fexible schedule.  <sigh.  it looks like I have a conference
dedicated to two people....(If I am lucky, 3)

Dhaaaaaliiinggggg waaaayyy back in the day, the Victorian day it would have
been called and exclusive Salon.  Think Oscar Wilde and a few select
friends.  If you raeallllly want to makes it bigger send invites to the river
oor something.

That exculsive-for pay joint?  Well, I never!  <pseudo victorian "conciousnes"
ha!  asleep in the lap of self-rightious fenegelry.  The birthplace of our
"wonderful" consumer culture.  Victorian stuff fluff!  (film at 11)

Absinthe for the masses!!!!

Font raises her glass and grins.

Orinoco lowers fonts grins back to their usual position.

<font says in a husky voice>  Why thank you.
 :-                      )

"Why the long face?"

Space.....the final frontier.  

As opposed to the earlier left and right ears?

The ears are the points, and the space between is potential path between the
two.  (but the ears are not pointed, and they aren't the point anyway)

(The whole thing seems fairly pointless to me)

Well that's OK a point occupies no space anyway accordi(on)ng to
mathematicians.

I actually knew that.  They are but a reference. And since they are a referen
ce you can actually measure the space between them, or points would be
pointless.

If I said something innane like "I see your point", would I get skewered?

Yes but to get skewered by such a poinless point occupying no space doesn't
hurt, so don't worrry about it...

I see your point.

<font looks up>  Where????

Up, most likely.

Unless it's down. In which case it's unlikely to be up. (Of course, some
people do go *both* ways!)


Look, look! It's the bisexual scarecrow!

Lying on his side, it appears

yeah, but is bi half empty or half full? :-P  <font goes Btpttttttth>

It depends on who you talk to...

gosh, guys, I was kidding.  <font goes *tweak*>

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