albaugh
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response 91 of 93:
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Sep 19 01:01 UTC 2003 |
The governmental agency acronyms are different, but the concepts are the same.
Here are the few definitions that I know:
GMA = Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, current President of the Philippines
BIR = Bureau of Internal Revenue (guessing), equivalent of IRS
NBI = National Bureau of Investigation, equivalent of FBI
PNP = Philippine National Police
DENR = Department of Energy and Natural Resources (guessing)
TRO = Temporary Restraining Order
Subject: Fw: If Noah were a Filipino
This one is very appropriate. Hope our politicians get to read this!
It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the Philippines.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to
save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord,
"You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the
seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front
yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah.
"I did my best but there were big problems.
First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans
"did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm"
and "redraw" the plans.
Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether
or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal
planning office. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there
was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle. I finally
convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the eagles.
However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still
no eagles.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could
not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your
proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no
jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan.
I sent them.....a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am
practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice
from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to
register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action alleging that the Ark
would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape. The PNP on the other hand
insists that Al-Ghozi might use the Ark to flee to Indonesia.
Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong Republic
Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties.
Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO against further construction
of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious
event and therefore unconstitutional.
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!"
Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government is already doing that."
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